Bang bang my honey shot me downn

Haven't been blogging much since like forever. But I'll be gone for a long time I guess. I don't have much stuff to say or complain or whine about these days. Nevertheless, the year is ending but I can't say I look forward to 2011. Everything is just happening too quickly and changing and all, I haven't been catching up. I'm always lagging behind. I'm not going to hope 2011 will treat me well, I just hope things will not be as bad as I imagine. Yes I'm a pessimist and I'm darn proud of it cause when you don't raise your hopes, you don't get disappointed. I'm looking forward to a new year, but it will not be a fresh start. It never was. Sometimes no matter how you run, you will bump into things and people you're trying to escape from. So guess what, comeee haunt me. I've survived all these years I think I can survive another year of hell.

Early merry x'mas and happy new year!

give in to me

leighton meester is super talented and this song is really really good!

i'm gonna wear you down
i'm gonna make you see
i'm gonna get to you
you're going to give in to me
i'm gonna start a fight
you're gonna feel the heat
i'm gonna burn for you
you're going to burn for me

so good to me, so right

when the days are hard, you either hope to go back to the past where everything were easier, or you think about the future, of how things is eventually going to be better soon.
after coming to meridian, i realize that no, its not that life in meridian is tough. its me. i've become weaker, not as strong and resilient as before.
i think i'm being thrown in reality where i meet people who are ugly. as in ugly inside. and there are those, who weren't ugly before, but they get uglier as i know them.
it's scary when things change, and worse when they change for the worst.
but i'm going to hang on to what is real to me, what i know i have. what i have is enough, i don't need more.
and i hope i come out of all these stronger and wiser.

Odelia! this is for your enemyyy

leave it all behind

Post promos is worse than during promos and before promos. Pw and everything is sucking everything out of me.
i'm tired of working hard.
i'm not complaining about the results i get. i tried my best did all i could. i felt that i deserved more for some subjects, felt that i deserve to get what i get for the rest.
But its like i've this sense that i'm useless. Like i can't get anything right, can't get anything done.
i srsly think i'm going to have like depression soon or like i'm just someone with low self confidence.
Up till now i dont know what i'm looking for. what i want.
But i know i want to get away from everything. from school, from my life.
i've been thinking what if i was born somewhere else, would i still be feeling what i'm feeling now, going through all these shit i'm going through now?
Or what if i'm a risk taker, i took off,and live a day as it is and expereience everything life has to offer and not what i'm told to do, will i be happier?
i'm confused and lost. i've doubts and negative thoughts coming into my mind like practically every single day of my life.
i'm not happy, i'm not satisfied. i feel like nothing.
And like the script says, nothing gets nothing.
but at least when you have nothing, you're spared the disappointment, cause you've nothing to lose.

poetic lyrics

I like to see people reunited. I like to see people run to each other. I like the kissing and the crying. I like the impatience, the stories that the mouth can’t tell fast enough, the ears that aren’t big enough, the eyes that can’t take in all of the change. I like the hugging, the bringing together, the end of missing someone.

“Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close” by Jonathan Safran Foer

A place in this world

A Place In This World
by Taylor Swift


I don't know what I want, so don't ask me
Cause I'm still trying to figure it out
Don't know what's down this road, I'm just walking
Trying to see through the rain coming down
Even though I'm not the only one
Who feels the way I do


I'm alone, on my own, and that's all I know
I'll be strong, I'll be wrong, oh but life goes on
Oh, I'm just a girl, trying to find a place in
This world



i just heard this song, but its probably out ages ago, and i felt like i'm expereiencing the same thing. not knowing what you want, not knowing what you need, not knowing what is coming up. sometimes i think i think too little. its ironic how i think too much for stuff that i can undo, stuff that i can't redo. while i think too little for the future. maybe i should think more. about what i want. and then maybe i will be better than i am now. i think i'm in such a sorry state. its painful to be me. i feel like such a failure. no directions, no aspirations, nothing. i've nothing. imagine this world, filled with so many many things out there while i have nothing.
unbelievable.

you're toxic, i'm slipping under

omgg!! my favouriteee!!!!

And i wanna watch this movie so badly!!



&& the clip belowww isss so hot! shes so funny and cutteee!!!!



her dad is cool righttt!!!! omggg he is so funny andd supportive
and when she walked outt, goshhhh she is so hot!!! hahahahahah, i think she issss sooooo hottttt. i may be in loveeee!

Maybe one day we will be

Helloo promos is soooo going to end soon and I feel slackish alrdy thoughh I still have math and physicss paper :( and the fact that I screwed up my lit and I'm un sure abt econs and very dead for physics and unsure for math is seriously not helping me to studyyy! I'm so so so dead! I hate the idea of being unsure if you can promote and it's like a poison in ur head. You can't get it out and even when you do, it has left it's impacts on you. But I believ in myself and I know that things are going to be okay eventually. Though the future seems bleak and everything doesn't seems to go well, I must still hve faith in myself! Yes!!! For all my loves ones having promos and thosee who finished!! Jiayouuuuuu!!! You can do it!!! Don't ever let anyone,or wors still, yourself, tell you that you can't! You can! And hang in theree! Days after promos aree goinggg to be thee bombb!! Till thenn cyaaaa aligatarrrr!!!


Fate is like an unpopular restaurant with odd waiters
that serves you things you never asked for
and don't always like

Gemini

Versatility is a great keyword for this dual sign. Expressive and quick-witted, the Gemini presents two distinctive sides to his or her personality, and you can never be sure with which one you're going to come face-to-face. On one hand, the Gemini can be outgoing, flirtatious, communicative, and ready for fun, fun, fun. Yet when the other twin is present, you can find this air sign contemplative, serious, restless, and even indecisive. Both twins are able to adapt to life's circumstances well, making them wonderful people to know. Things are never boring when a Gemini is on the scene.

Friends and Family
Geminians are social and love spending time with friends and family. There will be times when this outgoing sign would want to go bungee jumping, and there will be times when sitting at home playing cards will suit them. Either way, friends are plentiful. Those who can match the Geminian intellect and love of variety will go the distance. One quality they seek out in others is communication. The Gemini loves to talk and gain insight from others. Without a clear flow of talk, the Gemini will lose interest pretty quick. Family is important, especially those of like mind. Friendship with siblings is quite common for the Geminian, and time spent together is cherished. Meeting responsibilities with family can pose a challenge at times, but almost always, the Geminian comes through.

Career and Money
The best-suited careers for a Gemini are those that stimulate the intellect. "I think" is the key phrase for this sign. Geminians are inventive and often literary. It's important that the work they commit themselves to doing is dynamic and challenging so boredom doesn't set in.

Careers as a teacher, debater, reporter, writer, preacher, or lawyer are all well-suited to this sign. Any platform that gives the Geminian room to talk is best! A sales profession is another excellent choice. You can expect to see many tools for communication around this sign, such as PDAs, laptops, and cell phones. Generating new ideas and problem solving are other areas where the Geminian will shine.

Deciding between practicality and pleasure can be a tough thing for a Gemini. While money is a necessary evil, most don't spend a lot of time worrying about where their next dollar is coming from. They don't put much thought into balancing their checkbooks, yet they manage to get by just fine. This is largely due to the flexibility Geminians have.

Love and Sex

Fun-loving and always up for an intellectual challenge, the Gemini is a spirited lover. The talk that precedes the interlude is just as important as the actual contact for this sign, and when it comes to wit, this sign holds nothing back. Flirtatious and curious, the Geminian will spend time with a lot of different lovers until they find one that can match their intellect and energy level. The Gemini needs to experience excitement, versatility, and stimulation to feel fully satisfied. Once the perfect match is found, though, the Geminian can settle into a lifestyle for two for the long haul.

GEMINI TIDBITS:

Health
Each sign has a part of the anatomy attached to it, making this the area of the body that is most sensitive to stimulation. The anatomical areas for Gemini are the lungs, collarbone, hands, arms, shoulders, and the nervous system.

Ruling Planet
The ruling planet for Gemini is Mercury. Representing intellectual urge and the avenue of expression, this planet rules reason, rationalization, words, awareness, and communication. Its action is quick, and it deals with travel, speaking, writing, trade, and emotional capacity and technique.

Color
The color of choice for Gemini is green.

Gemstone
Gemini's star stone is the Moss Agate.

Lucky Numbers
Gemini's lucky numbers are 3 and 7.

Compatibility
Geminis are most compatible with Libra and Aquarius.

Opposite Sign
The opposite sign of Gemini is Sagittarius.

The Perfect Gift
A surprise party, gift certificate to a bookstore, any activity with friends, Scrabble or other intellectual game

Likes
Music, magazines, books, music, blogs, chats with nearly anyone, short trips around town

Dislikes
Repetition and routine, being alone, being confined

House
Natural sign of the Third House. This house focuses on short trips, communication, conscious mind, brothers and sisters, and early education.

Famous Geminians
Hugh Laurie, Johnny Depp, Rudy Giuliani, Angelina Jolie, Nicole Kidman, Helena Bonham Carter

Best travel destination
Switzerland, Wales, London, San Francisco, Melbourne

Strength
Curiosity, ability to share ideas, adaptable, affectionate, kind

Weakness
Scattering energy in too many places at once, fickle in love, nervous, short attention span

Charismatic marks
Expressive eyes, quick, bright, often small-boned, refined features

Best environment
Any busy neighborhood, places where people gather to gossip, bookstores, museums

Pisces

"Understanding" is a most appropriate keyword for this gentle, affectionate sign. Easygoing and generally accepting of others around them, Pisceans are often found in the company of a variety of different personalities. Their willingness to give of themselves emotionally lends to an aura of quiet empathy. A Pisces is comforting to be around. Although not likely to be the leader, this sign's presence is strong and vibrant for any cause into which they put their hearts.

Friends and Family

Gentle Pisceans make some of the best friends there are. In fact, they often put the needs of their friends ahead of their own. Loyal, dedicated, supportive, and compassionate, Pisceans will take on any problem. Big or small, when a challenge arises for family or friends, they will be there in every capacity possible to make things better. Deeply intuitive, Pisceans can often sense when something is askew long before anything is said.

Pisceans are expressive by nature and don't hesitate to let those around them know how they feel. It's not surprising for a Pisces to write a song for someone or to buy a gift that is heartfelt and meaningful. They prefer others to be as open with them as they are. Communication with loved ones is considered most important.

Career and Money

Intuitive and often dreamy, Pisces natives are most comfortable in positions that bring their creative natures into humanitarian causes. Some good careers for this sign are lawyer, architect, veterinarian, musician, social worker, and game designer. The key phrase for this sign is "I believe." It's important for the Pisces to feel strongly about personal endeavors.

Inspired by the need to make a difference in the lives of those they touch, Pisceans are most charitable and will often go way above and beyond the call of duty. Sensitive, deeply compassionate, hardworking, dedicated, and reliable, this is one sign that really knows how to get to the heart of the matter. They can be excellent problem-solvers.

For the most part, Pisceans don't give money too much thought. They are more concerned with their dreams and goals than with money. Yet because this is oftentimes a component to reaching their aspirations, Pisces natives will ensure they have the money they need. They can be of two minds in this area. On one hand, the Pisces will spend, spend, spend with little thought, and on the other hand, they can become quite miserly. Yet in the end, there will always seem to be enough to do what they want in life.

Love and Sex

Deep within the Piscean beats the heart of the die-hard romantic. Loving, tender, and exceptionally giving, this sign cherishes intimacy deeply. They are passionate lovers that need to feel a real connection with their mates. Quick flings and superficial interludes do not do well with the Piscean whatsoever. In relationships, they are fiercely loyal and doting. They love to give gifts and to make the other person feel like a million bucks. Nothing is too good for the Piscean's love interest!

PISCES TIDBITS

Health
Each sign has a part of the anatomy attached to it, making this the area of the body that is most sensitive to stimulation. The anatomical area for Pisces is the feet.

Ruling Planet
The ruling planet for Pisces is Neptune. Considered the planet of intuition, Neptune rules dreams, illusion, music, spirituality, mystery, second sight, intangibles, and the love of poetry.

House
Pisces is the natural sign of the Twelfth House. This house focuses on limitations, hidden strength, frustrations, and the subconscious mind.

Opposite Sign
The opposite sign for Pisces is Virgo.

Compatibility
Pisces is most compatible with Cancer and Scorpio.

Color
The color of choice for Pisces is sea-green.

Gemstone
Pisces's star stone is the Moonstone.

Lucky Numbers
Pisces's lucky numbers are 1, 3, 4, and 9.

The Perfect Gift
Beautiful inspiring colors that make a home more beautiful, a day spent sailing, a romantic starlit dinner, a song or poem from a loved one

Likes
Spiritual themes, time alone, visual media, time to sleep, romance, music, swimming

Dislikes
Absorbing toxic people and situations, cruelty of any kind

Famous Pisceans
Drew Barrymore, Eva Longoria Parker, Queen Latifah, Benicio Del Toro, Bruce Willis, Ron Howard, Elizabeth Taylor

Best travel destination
Scandinavia, Portugal, Jerusalem, Warsaw, Seville

Strength
Intuitive, compassionate, artistic, gentle, wise, musical

Weakness
Can be a victim or martyr, fearful, overly trusting, sad, desire to escape reality

Charismatic marks
Soft, sometimes frail to medium build, face easily shows emotion.

Best environment
On or near water, especially the sea. The movie theater.

Libra- for cheryl!

Balance is the keyword for this sign, and when it comes to keeping everything on an even keel, a Libra will lead the pack. Peace loving and judicial, this sign abhors being alone. Partnerships are very important for the Libra, especially those on a personal level. With their winning personalities and cooperative style, they aren't apt to be alone for long!

Friends and Family
Fun loving and willing to help out, the Libra makes an excellent friend. Even though they can be late and indecisive, once they're on the scene, they're ready to go. This flexible sign loves to spend time with friends and family and doesn't hesitate to initiate gatherings. Sociable and suave, Librans naturally draw people to them. They have a way of creating a compelling aura of harmony around them. When it comes to challenges, this balancing sign can see both perspectives in a disagreement, making them excellent problem-solvers. Companionable, they're apt to keep their friends and family busy.

Career and Money
Harmony is the keyword for this sign. For the Libra, maintaining this is of the utmost importance. They can be excellent leaders and will work hard to earn and deserve the privilege. Truth and justice always prevail for Librans as they go about their days. Working with others or in a partnership is ideal for this social sign. Artistic and persuasive, these folks are gifted talkers who do well in any position that provides a platform for them to chat.

Careers that involve justice such as police officer, lawyer, or judge are excellent choices for Libra. They will also succeed at such occupations as diplomat, civil servant, interior decorator, composer, and fashion designer. Group settings pose no challenge for Librans - in fact, the more the merrier. Their strong sense of diplomacy serves well in almost anything they do.

If you go shopping with a Libra, best to plan some extra time! This sign can be terribly indecisive when it comes to purchasing. Balancing their money, however, is a snap for Libra. Keeping a good balance between savings and spending money is a real talent for these folks. Their love of fashion and housewares can see them out and about in stores quite often. One of Libra's favorite pastimes is to shop for someone special.

Love and Sex
Finding the right partner will be a priority in the Libra's life. For those already in a relationship, maintaining the peace and harmony takes center stage. A Libra alone is a sad thing indeed, not to mention unnatural. They need to connect with others. As lovers they are expressive, creative, and balanced. They love to make their partners feel completely and thoroughly satisfied from conversation to lovemaking. Librans' charm and dedication to striking the perfect balance with others makes them wonderful partners.

LIBRA TIDBITS

Health
Each sign has a part of the anatomy attached to it, making this the area of the body that is most sensitive to stimulation. The anatomical areas for Libra are the kidneys, lower back, adrenal glands, and appendix.

Ruling Planet
The ruling planet for Libra is Venus. This planet's action is gentle and harmonious. It governs beauty, charm, emotional contacts, possessions, unions of all kinds, singing, art, culture, sweets and sugar, and moral character.

Color
The color of choice for Libra is blue.

Gemstone
Libra's star stone is the sapphire.

Lucky Numbers
Libra's lucky numbers are 1, 2, and 7.

Compatibility
Librans are most compatible with Aquarius and Gemini.

Opposite Sign
The opposite sign for Libra is Aries.

The Perfect Gift
The best gifts for a Libra are music and items that create relaxation.

Likes
Pleasant conversation, beauty, balance, fairness, romance

Dislikes
Being treated unfairly, ugly places, rough people, making a final decision

House
Natural sign of the Seventh House. This house focuses on marriage, partnerships, public relations, open enemies, and other people.

Famous Librans
Will Smith, Gwen Stefani, Matt Damon, Eminem, Sting, Viggo Mortensen

Best travel destinations
Tibet, Japan, Burma, Austria, Johannesburg, Copenhagen, Vienna

Strengths
Social, fair-minded, cooperative, diplomatic, gracious

Weaknesses
Indecisive, will carry a grudge, avoids confrontations, self-pity

Charismatic marks
Attractive, graceful, medium build, no sharp features

Best environment
Any place that is beautiful where the company is harmonious. Very social and happiest doing things in the company of another.

Aquarians

Aquarians present themselves in one of two ways. On one hand, you’ll see someone who is shy and quiet. On the other, an Aquarian can be boisterous, eccentric, and energetic. Both are deep thinkers with a love of helping others. Highly intellectual, this is a sign of fierce independence that prizes intuition tempered with logic. Both personality types have an uncanny ability to see both sides of an argument without prejudice, making them excellent problem solvers. While very much attuned to the energies around them, Aquarians have a deep need to take time out alone and away to rejuvenate themselves. The keyword for this sign is imagination. The Aquarian can see a world of possibilities even when there appears to be none.

Friends and Family
Even though Aquarians are great with groups of people, it takes a bit of effort when it comes to making close friends. Deeply sensitive and cautious, closeness means vulnerability to an Aquarian, and this is not something to be taken lightly. The Aquarian’s direct, no-nonsense approach in combination with their strong values can make it challenging to get to know the inner person. Yet, those that do discover a friendship that lasts through the years. An Aquarian will go the distance for a loved one to the point of self-sacrifice if necessary. They look for creativity, intellect and honesty in their friends. When it comes to family, the expectations are no less. While dedicated to a sense of duty to relatives, the Aquarian isn’t one for developing close bonds unless the same qualities they expect in their friendships are there.

Career and Money
Aquarians bring an enthusiasm to the work they do, especially when it involves expression. They have an exceptionally high ability to put their imaginative qualities to the task and to think outside the box. Careers that allow for concept development or demonstration can suit this sign well. “I know” is the key phrase for the Aquarian. High intellect, combined with a willingness to share their talents, inspires many who work in the same environment. Natural visionaries, Aquarians love to engage in careers that aim to benefit humankind in the long run.

When it comes to money, this sign really has a knack for keeping a healthy balance between having the things that they need and putting money away. Often while out shopping, the shiny, glittery and extravagant will catch their eye even though their homes are generally decorated with less ostentatious taste. It’s not uncommon to find the Aquarian dressed in brightly colored outfits that dare to turn heads. Most are well attuned to their individual sense of style and aren’t afraid to show it.

Careers that suit the Aquarian are acting, writing, teaching, photography or aircraft piloting. The best work environment is one that gives them the freedom to tackle the task without a lot of strict guidelines. The Aquarian is unconventional, and given the opportunity to show their true talents, they can perform amazing feats.


Love and Sex
For the Aquarian, intellectual stimulation is the greatest aphrodisiac by far. There’s nothing like a lively chat, rich in culture and possibilities for the future, to get this sign going. When it comes to love, people best suited are those that are not thrown off by the Aquarian’s frankness. Open, communicative, imaginative and willing to risk are all qualities that blend well with this sign’s perspective on life. Honesty and sincerity are essential for anyone seeking a long-term connection to this dynamic personality.

TIDBITS

Health
Each sign has a part of the anatomy attached to it, making this the area of the body that is most sensitive to stimulation. The anatomical areas for Aquarius are the ankles and calves.

Ruling Planet
The Ruling Planet for Aquarius is Uranus. This planet is considered the breaker of rules and traditions. Uranus rules psychology, inventions, originality, creative will, rebellion and autonomy. This planet is futuristic, intellectual and even eccentric.

Color
The color of choice for Aquarius is turquoise.

Gemstone
Aquarius’ star stone is the turquoise.

Lucky Numbers
The Aquarian’s lucky numbers are 2, 3, and 7.

Compatibility
Aquarians are most compatible with Gemini, Libra and other Aquarians.

Opposite Sign
The Opposite Sign for Aquarius is Leo.

The Perfect Gift
The best gift for an Aquarian is something mystical or arts related.

Likes
Fun with friends, championing causes, helping others, intellectual conversation

Dislikes
Limitations, being lonely, broken promises, anything ordinary

House
Aquarius is the natural sign of the Eleventh House. This house focuses on friends, goals, hopes and wishes, circumstances beyond control and love received.

you were strong and i was not.

i think she is 11 only. and so talented and cute and i love her hair!!!
and most importantly, this song is really nicee!!

a thousand times over

Chin up. Put your shoulders back, walk proud, strut a little. Don’t lick your wounds: celebrate them. The scars you bear are the signs of a competitor. You’re in a lion fight. Just because you didn’t win doesn’t mean you don’t know how to roar.


the holiday is over! :( and i've done. nothing. sigh. promos in two weeks. i'm so so so so going to die. just going to try to do what i can for the remaining 2 weeks? hopefully i can promote/advance. i really really have to start working!!! i can do it!!! jiayou jiayou jiayou!!!!
Goodluck to everyone out there having promos!!! i swear after promos i'm going to like rest my heart out. byeeeebyeeee!!! gotta go mug like a muggeridian. honestly, i'm not living up to my name as a muggeridian, its so not righhtttt.
i must
1)mug
2)mugg
3)muggg
byeee!!

make some wishes out of airplanes

Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, Every story we’re told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we’re so focused on finding our happy ending we don’t learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don’t, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn’t include a guy, maybe… it’s you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is… just… moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope.
GiGi (Film; He’s Just Not That Into You)


ohmygod! this is totally what i feel. expressed so perfectly.

if love was easy, it wouldnt be love

i can't wait for gossip girl to start!!!!!!!

you can't save the damsel who loves her distress

i really like this tattoo! did i speel tattoo right? i think i did not. but who cares! maybe i might just tat it on my skin one day. get it?! like tat the tattoo! hahaahhah!!! i'm so funnyyy!!!! yay!

miss you

because you never asked me to stay

When you’re lost in those woods, it sometimes takes you a while to realize that you are lost. For the longest time, you can convince yourself that you’ve wandered a few feet off the path, that you’ll find your way back to the trailhead any moment now. Then night falls again and again, and you still have no idea where you are, and it's time to admit that you have bewildered yourself so far off the path that you don’t even know from which direction the sun rises anymore.

live till you've nothing left to lose

i'm really really tired. i swear i have homework up till my neck and i just cant study knowing i've so much homework and knowing that i've a test i've yet to study for in 2 days time, and knowing promos is in a month time.
i feel suffocated, so tired and i just keep sleeping and when i studies it doesnt get into my head and i'm so exasperated and fustrated i just hates having to do fucking homework, eom and study for stupid promos and all that shit. i dont get it why it has to be like that or why am i like that. and god knows what the hell i'm doing here ranting when well, i should be doing fucking eom which i swear is never ending. i probably will never ever meet expectations and then die of the horrors of not getting promoted and not getting an a for pw. i hate my life.


I think I’ll be a clown when I get grown,” said Dill. “Yes, sir, a clown…. There ain’t one thing in this world I can do about folks except laugh, so I’m gonna join the circus and laugh my head off.”
“You got it backwards, Dill,” said Jem. “Clowns are sad, it’s folks that laugh at them.”
“Well, I’m gonna be a new kind of clown. I’m gonna stand in the middle of the ring and laugh at the folks.
To Kill A Mockingbird, Harper Lee.

you're the best thing that has ever been mine

To love. To be loved.
To never forget your own insignificance.
To never get used to the unspeakable violence and the vulgar disparity of life around you.
To seek joy in the saddest places.
To pursue beauty to its lair.
To never simplify what is complicated or complicate what is simple.
To respect strength, never power.
Above all, to watch. To try and understand.
To never look away.
And never, never, to forget.

beautiful soul

Hello,
i've been wasting time since i've got home yesterday after dinner till nowww, doing nothingg but slacking and sleeping and eating and i think i'm rather irritated with myself. nevertheless i think i neeeddd a tweeny weeeny break. okay, maybe i dont deserve it and i've so much hw to complete anddd i'm going to die trying to finish them and doing pw stuff and studying the the econs test coming up and promos.
i've frequently encouraged myself and said that i can do it, i can study hard and all that shit but obviously it didnt work out. i think i need to figure out my problem and probably try to solve it before promos or smth. i'm starting to doubt if i can actually promote. i think scraping past is still possible but i wonder if thats what i want. i mean its all about doing well for a levels. what if i cant cope for j2 stuff because i insisted on promoting when i'm not actually read to take on what is coming up for me. i know it sounds like i'm being rather pessimistic but i'm being realistic. but i think i will continue working on working hard. hahahah that sounds funny. i was proud of myself cause i did like practice questions for tuition cause i promised my tuition teacher that i will do more questions. though it was only like 16 qns? and 5 that i can't do at all. but i did something. my tuition teacher is the kind of ppl i rarely meet. those optimistic kind, like super optimistic. i'm pessimistic and i kind of hate optimistic ppl causee like they're not beinggg realistic anddd all that? but i think he has been infuencing me in belieiving in myself that i could make it. just like my teachers in tkgs who constantly told us that we can do it and be there for us and everything. mjc lacks that kind of teachers and its so sad cause life is harder and tougher and you've no one there to spur you on and encourage you and tell you that you'll be fine at the end. But i've learnt from an inspiring movie i seen recently: 3 idiots. you've to go watch it, its amazing!!! the guy there says, our hearts scare easily, so you need to constantly tell it, all is well. so even when things go wrong, you can at least have the courage to face it and try. he is really strong and positive, someone i strive to be like. i wonder what my life will be 5 years, 10 years, 15 years from now. i wish that i can be happy and i wish that i can have a wonderful job, have my close friends with me, have my family there to support me and well, maybe find the one. but i've to go through the hard parts first before i get to the happy parts and finally the happpy ending. i should stop thinking about now, stop trying to cram everything and rush everything out, but rather work it out and understand it and make full use of the time i have left. i should not be hard on myself whenever i need a break. i believe i can keep a balance between study and play. its promos and i've to make it or else how can i even dream about ace-ing a levels. well, i guess i've to end with i can do it. again. hahahaha. its so ironic, its like i'm debating with myself. welll, i better start reading econs and lit andddd do math and start studying phyics.
till the next time i ranttt, byeeee!



To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe.
Anatole France

so lucky, so strong, so proud

i wonder why i feel lost so often, and why i feel okay after a few days and then i'm back to feeling lost.
i havent been making full use of the weekend and friday but i did what i could. i've to quickly send the wr and do whatever econs stuff and study for physics quiz. there is so many physics quizzes recently. sometimes i feel like i'm in a bottle, those beer kind, with the really thin long necks. when i'm so sick and tired and i want to get out, i've to squeeze and squeeze through that thin column to try to get out. but when i finally got out, i realise being out was not good as i expect it to be, and then i wish to return, to that bottle, to that hole. well, i dont know what i want actually, but someone told me that when you dont know what you're doing and what you want, just do whatever you're supposed to do and you'll get to somewhere eventually.
i promise to work hard for promos, after that i need to escape. i will have to go somewhere or experience something new. till then, i shall just do my work.


What hurts the most was being so close and having so much to say and watching you walk away. And never knowing what could’ve been and not saying that loving you is what I was trying to do.
Rascal Flatts “What Hurts The Most”

one door closes and another one opens.

Do you know what hurts the most about a broken heart? Not being able to remember how you felt before.
Cassie Ainsworth, Skins

i remember reading from somewhere that, you only live life once, but the way i'm living it, once is enough. i think its like my 2.4. like i dont bother trying to pass, so i've to keep running and running and running. but why do i've to run like repeatedly if i'm going to fail anyway? i think to look at this positvely, the teachers just want to push me to reach my best, or to aim for what is seemingly impossible. i think i need to change my mindset. mummy told me once that i'm too negative. amelia says that i dont believe in myself enough. i cant remember when was the last time i believed in myself, believed that i can do it, than i can make it. well, i do occassionally but i probably dont really really believe so deep down inside me. i think i've to change my mindset. and maybe learn more about myself along the way. hmmmmm, self discoveryy??
well, i've to go study soon. i think i'm studying too little. its bad. sigh.

i'm going to be me

hey, i'm feeling better now. i've so much stuff to do i think i can drown in them and i better get started soon. i can't believe i've math and physics test tmr and i'm really really unprepared. but i believe i will try my best and hopefully, it goes okay.
i can't wait for national day holidays and all that, i could really use a break.
i miss cheryl, and hope we can meet soonn!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i'm going to study hard and just work my ass off for the remaining time that i have.
i'm going to believe in myself and dont ever think that i can't do it.
i'm going to promote, and not let mummmy worry about me.
i'm going to be happier, than now, than you, than i've ever been.
i can do it.

It’s not that he was ashamed, or even that he thought he was doing something wrong, because he knew that what he was doing was right, more right than anything he saw anyone do, and he knew that doing right often means feeling wrong, and if you find yourself feeling wrong, you’re probably doing right. But he also knew that there is an inflationary aspect to love, and that should his mother, or Rose, or any of those who loved him find out about each other, they would not be able to help but feel of lesser value. He knew that I love you also means I love you more than anyone loves you, or has loved you, or will love you, and also, I love you in a way that no one loves you, or has loved you, or will love, and also, I love you in a way that I love no one else, and never have loved anyone else, and never will love anyone else. He knew that it is, by love’s definition, impossible to love two people.

Everything is Illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer

where is the love

Hello, today is a horrible day. i hate/love gossips. sometimes you find out about things you never knew, and then you get sad, disappointed, confused. i've always though i could trust the peopple i trust, that i know them, and that they know me. but why do people do things that hurt others, purposely? i dont get that. i dont remember a time where i hurt someone intentionally. like even if u hurt someone, it wasnt on purpose. i just dont get why living is so hard, like what ode says, school is war. mj is srsly like a battelfield. i think i actually hate this school, and its only redeeming quality is the friends i've there.
i dont get it why i have so many problems, like the workload and studies are already enough to suffocate me, but i've to worry and think about such stuff.
i think its me,my fault. i shouldnt care anymore, like why bother trying to be nice when people dont care. i'm fucking tired. like srsly, i think all i will do now is study. dont think, i must stop thinking, cause the more you think, the larger the problem seems to be and the sadder you get.
life is horrible.

if you could hear me, i would say our finger prints don't fade from the lives we touched

what has happened to lulu,mother. what has happened to lu

Hello,
there is something wrong with me.
no, everything about me is wrong.
why do i feel like i'm losing my grip, losing my hold on my life. my own life.
i can't wake up whenever i fall asleep. i think its my way of escaping from reality. and when i wake up, everything seems to be a blur, a rush.
i've lost control.
why does everything have to be so hard,
or why can't i be stronger?
my promos is coming so soon, i feel death looming over my head practically every min of my life.
yet, i cant gather enough strength to fight on.
what has happened to me

future love

I'm going to be like her one day. proud of myself, to be enough.

You block your dream when you allow your fear to grow bigger than your faith.

you know i could really use somebody

I'm feeling really tired today. i think the heat really got me. i'm having a headache and i'm really tired mentally.
shi came today and it was fun i guess, if u minus the heat. hahhahahha. she is kinda like a tourist. it makes me wish she was here in mj too, wish cheryl, ju, amanda, carina emm and adeline is here too. that would be nice wouldnt it.
why do i feel like there is something lacking in my life recently. i think i'm getting confused, again. and i need to catch up with my studies really really soon. whats wrong with me. why am i sucha screw up. i'm a sad case. sigh.


maybe temporarily, maybe at a wrong time, maybe too late, maybe forever

countless lovers

this is seoul tower locks of love. you write the name of the person you love and your name and probably a message or smth. then, you lock it up and throw away the key.
i think its really sweet.

someone like me, someone like you, somebody

i think she sang this song beautifully.
its so cool isnt it, to be able to sing like this, such that when people hear them, they could feel the emotions behind the lyrics and the song. and writers too, they could write and describe how you feel perfectly. and actors, for acting out the emotions and everything the script wants to tell, show to the audience.

anyway, i've decided to audition. no point in not trying. i should at least just try and even if i embarass myself, too bad. i'm not a singer. but at least i tried.
life is so hard nowadays. everyone is expecting something from you, wanting a piece, a part of you. sometimes when you're stretched too thin, i wonder what happens. like you read reports of people commiting suicide, its so sad, like how can they just give up and leave behind everything and everyone they love. but i guess i can understand how they feel, living a life without hope, faith and belief in themselves. but it takes courage doesnt it. to just let it all go, give it all up. but i guess it takes less courage and effort as compared to continue to live.

And promos is going to come in about 2 months time. so little time, and god knows what i;m doing with my life. i think i'm going to stop using the com soon. got to give promos a good shot. i was thinking back how i was like in primary school, sharon agreed that i've changed. i was more daring i guess, almost fearless, impulsive, always jumping into things without thinking. now, i think i lost my muchness. lost the courage, the fight. is it because things are getting harder or i've become weaker. i think i'm tired. but i need to see this through. no other way out. sigh. i guess i dont need wishes. i need strength, courage and faith. i hope i pull through. sigh.

And cheryl, we can do it. i believe in you, in myself. we've no other choice but to do well and make it. but we've each other, no matter what. and maybe one day, we can realise our dreams and look back feeling so proud of ourselves for making it. i love you and we must be stronger and we must must must try our best! we can do it!

choose happiness

If ever there is tomorrow when we’re not together, there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart, I’ll always be with you.

every now and then i fall apart

Hello, today i went for paradigma at ajc and we had to wear the blazer and court shoes and everything and i swear, heels make me go crazy. i cant walk in them. like i was always walking the slowest and the rest would be like waiting for me. i'm like the world's most lousy heels walker. hahahah!! The talk was rather inspirational, i think their research paper were really good, with little faults, and though it was slightly boring, i especially enjoyed the talk by one of the panelist who was srsly so witty and humorous, and what he said was true. we cant just wait for national identity to evolve, we just cant wait for the government to help us develop it. we should do it ourself. start by doing something small and even though it doesnt affect the community on a large scale, if everyone make a small effort, singapore would be a wonderful place to live in! But the problem is we're srsly too pragmatic. i dont deny being pragmatic, like everything you do, you must reap benefits from it, you must get something in return. and the fact that we've the heck care attitude towards everything except those that matters to us make things worse. i'm worried about international friendship day, like what can i do to make a difference in mj, how can i let everyone see the importance of the friendship and bond between different races.
i can have thousands ideas in my mind, but can i make it come true at the end of the day. sigh i srsly dont know.
and today is kind of like a bad day. like although they say ppl on the average usually get 3 U. but it doesnt seems so. like there are so many people doing well, and i just dont know what have i been doing to improve and to make sure i pass my promos and promote. i dont know what i need, a wake up call or someone there to moivate me constantly? life is confusing like that. you never know what you want. till its too late.
sigh. i think i'm getting emo. i should start on my math tutorial. byeeee

every now and then i fall apart

(Turn around) every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you're never coming round
(Turn around) every now and then I get a little bit tired of listening to the sound of my tears
(Turn around) every now and then I get a little bit nervous that the best of all the years have gone by
(Turn around) every now and then I get a little bit terrified and then I see the look in your eyes

(Turn around, bright eyes) Every now and then I fall apart
(Turn around, bright eyes) Every now and then I fall apart

And I need you now tonight and I need you more than ever
And if you only hold me tight We'll be holding on forever
And we'll only be making it right 'cause we'll never be wrong
Together we can take it to the end of the line
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time (all of the time)
I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark
We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks
I really need you tonight, forever's gonna start tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight

Once upon a time I was falling in love, but now I'm only falling apart
There's nothing I can do... a total eclipse of the heart
Once upon a time there was light in my life, but now there's only love in the dark
Nothing I can say... a total eclipse of the heart


This is my favourite Glee song now.
life is getting really tired nowadays. i've so many choices to make i'm starting to think that my whole life is full of opp cost-regret. hahahahah!
anyway, gottaa go do hw.
byeee

she is got to love nobody

i feel overwhelmed by exams and homeworks. but srsly, i practically have no homework and i dont freaking know why i cant bring myself to do just that pathetic amount of homework. econs and everything is like bringing me down. like srsly, you study you get u, you dont study you also get u. i know i didnt study like half of my hoidays but holidays are like meant for me to relax and rest and not mug like freaking the whole holidays away. it takes so much effort to do okay in a jc and maybe i'm starting to hesitate if i'm ready and willing to put in all i can do do better.

they say when life gives u lemons make lemonade.
i say when life gives you lemons say well, thats not what i ask for but i guess i'm going to have to bite my tongue and swallow sour lemmon juice.
okay. i dont make sense. i've like freaking eom to do and all i want to do now is go star gazing.

baby when its love, if it ain't rough it isnt fun

hello!
mid years is over and the fear is starting to sink in. why is it that i never do well for exams? like srsly, i've never remembered being happy over my results. and its useless to say i will work hard for the next test cause i never ever do that. maybe i will change soon. i;m not going to say, yes i will like try my best and score for promos or smth cause i'll probably just bail out at the end of the day.
anyway, studying for mid years was hell. physics was like hell xinfinity. surprisingly, studying for lit was quite fun. but tess of the d'urbervilles is srsly the most depressing novel i ever read. like srsly i cried the most reading tess. its really heartbreaking, especially when tess is tortured by fate and her circumstances and the fact that the book doesnt have a happy ending and that tess has to bear everything when she is not the one at fault. its so full of unfairness, unhappiness and hopelessness. sigh. and the tv series for tess is so heartbreaking too! like if u want to see u must see the 08 version. tess is really pretty in the version, shes the princess in prince of persia.
anyway,back to my life. i've been enjoying life after promos. watching shows, reading and shopping and everything. its time to go back to reality. i think i'm not going to use the com much now. its too distracting and pointless. and i'm going to just see how my results go. hopefully i do better than i expect since i expect the worse! ahhahaa. esp math and lit.
anyway, i've been really hooked up with glee soundtrack!!! go hear!!!! my favourite ones!!!














all these are my fave!! but now i love poker face the most, and dont stop believing, but mercy is so perfect and bust a move is just so cool! i can't pick a favourite!

i believe in destiny

OMG I LOVE THIS SONGG!
I WATCHED THIS NEW DISNEY MOVIE- STARSTRUCK AND IT WAS REALLY NICE!
LIKE A CLICHE NICE MOVIE AND THIS SONG GOT STUCK IN MY HEAD. I LOVE IT! GO HEAR!



okay, so i havent been studying and i think i'm kind of over studying alrdy. i think i'm like srsly going to do so badly for midyears. and to think i'm from arts. like arts student are not allowed to get all u cause its supposedly easier? sigh i dont know. i think i will just worry about that later. i had much fun and rest this holiday. i wish i could read more and i found a new author i like, jill mansell, she write nice books! and yesterday i was just reading another book about like two bestfriends. the ending was sad, but not like very sad cause she didnt like just say one of the girl died, like she disappeared and the other girl is like waiting for her best friend to come back. its sigh. really sad la. but on the bright side, i've my whole life ahead of me, i've awesome friends and a almost awesome life. i can make it! i must be positive!
till the next time i blog, stay happy!!!!! hear this song!!!

when you've everything, sometimes it feels like nothing

I'll be back after mid years.
i've wasted too much time.
i've got not much time left and i want to make full use of it.
facebook is awesome but i think i'm screwing up my life because of it.
i dont study, i read sleep eat facebook and watch dramas.
i should stop doing that because i'm not just me. i've mummy and daddy to think of.
i can't afford to screw mid years up.
but even if i do, i must at least have tried my best.
i've two weeks left, not much time but enough.
i believe i can do it.
Whoever is reading this- my friends! believe that too! cause i believe in you! and you must believe in yourself.
so goodbye facebook.
i'll just come online for important stuff. try to stay away from facebook and distractions.
i can do it. two weeks is all i've got.
i can do it!


the pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple.
oscar wilde

when a heart breaks; no it don't break even

Hello!
my holiday is ending and i've so many work to do i'm so dead and so going to fail my mye!
I've to work hard!
I'll work hard and make sure i do my best!
Till then! i will enjoy my holidays catching up with the people i lovvveeee!!!!
i'm happy todayyy!!!
Byeee!!

You know that place between sleep and awake?
The place you can remember dreaming.
That's where i'll always love you.
That's where i'll be waiting.

we'll be a dream

Do you remember the nights we,
made our way dreaming
hoping of being of someone big
we were so young then
we were too crazy in love







I'm afraid.
of change, of tomorrow.
what if we grew apart, forget what we shared,
had someone else, lose each other.

What would you wish for if you had one chance?

Can we pretend that airplanes
In the night sky
Are like shooting stars
I could really use a wish right now (wish right now, wish right now)
Can we pretend that airplanes
In the night sky
Are like shooting stars
I could really use a wish right now
(wish right now, wish right now)


I could use a dream or a genie or a wish
To go back to a place much simpler than this
Cause after all the partying
The smashing and crashing
And all the glitz and the glam and fashion
And after all the pandemonium and all the madness
There comes a time when you fade into the blackness
When you're staring at the phone in your lap
And hope that the people never call you back
But that's just how the story unfolds
You get another hand
As soon as you fold
If your plans unravel in the sand
What would you wish for if you had one chance?
So airplanes airplanes
Sorry I'm late
I'm on my way
So don't close that gate
If I don't make that
Than I'm gonna switch my flight
And I'll be right back at it
By the end of the night






i think she sang so well! i love this version. Go hear!!!!

Will you heart still race for me?

Hello to whoever is reading my blog!
i've just watched gossip girl season finale.
to say the least, it was sad heart-breaking, thought provoking and disappointing, not because it was lousy. but because it wasnt a happy ending.
i think i'm too idealistic. i hate to wish for a happy ending and the worse is i do not get it. but how many happy endings are there in the world. i remember reading a quote that says "it takes a life time to get to- and they lived happily ever after".
its not that i want to stop believing. its the disapointment and the loss i feel when i'm thrown back into reality.
sometimes i wish i'm not me.
yesterday i was very very very lost and i got over it. nothing is worth while. the whole world is not going to stop just because i'm sad, just because i want to live in the past. sometimes it seems like the future is not a gift. i wouldnt say its a curse but i think i fear it. But i've got to move on. i've got to remember what my goals are at the end of the day. i must stay focused. i can do it. i believe in myself!
i'm not going to use the itouch anymore. its distracting. facebook is a curse. i've better things to do. i'm going to at least pass everything for mid years. i'm going to work hard. because i believe in myself. and nobody is going to stop me from what i want.
i need to believe that! yes i can. i can make it. i'm not going to regret. not going to regret when i see myself failing every single shit.

well, to my dear dear friends. i miss you guys so much. so much i cant describe it to you guys. things were so much better then. we were happier werent we. but life sucks, and the most sucky thing is we've to go through it. so lets do it tgt. we can get through this! i will support you guys anddddd be there for all of you forever. i love you, more than i can say. i love you all!!!!!!

Oh

I haven't been studying like at all!! i'm so dead. i've to stop fb-ing. my plan is to not fb for the rest of next week. i can do it!!!!!!! fb is srsly killing me i tell you. i must set my priorities straight now!
from today, i can only,
study
do hw
sms cheryl
and sleep.

hahahahh!!!! thats funny. but srsly. i can only study study study. i must freaking study for god sake. till the next time i come here. i hope i'm actually STUDYING.

AND CHERYL TAN. I LOVE YOU. HAHAHHAHAH U R THE ONLY ONE I LOVE, THE ANSWER TO MY LOVE DUET. THE MOON OF MY UNIVERSE, THE OTHER PART OF MY HEART. LOL!

i wish you love

Hello. It has been awhile since i'm here.
I think i'm getting used to mj, getting used to being away from my besties although my heart still misses them everytime i'm reminded of how things used to be.
Watching the latest episode of gossip girl taught me smth. well, gg dont just teach you nonsense okay. Blair and Chuck broke up and yaddah yaddah yaddah. She want to make him jealous by kissing another guy, but she didnt. Instead she realise that by kissing someone else doesnt change the fact that she still loves Chuck. She faced the truth. Which makes her so strong and beautiful at that scene. how she told Chuck, "one day i'm going to kiss someone. and when i do that, i do it for myself.". shes so strong, so brave, so right.
i wish i can be like her sometimes. step back, take a look at myself, what i'm doing, how i'm living my life. i think my life sucks now. but so what? its no big deal as compared to so many others out there. i'm so lucky, my parents are the best. even when daddy hurt his arm and he couldnt fetch me home, he told me sorry. gosh, i felt so so so touched. my parents are the most selfless people on earth. always putting us before themselves, sometimes i feel like i could never love them as much as they love me.
i'm so lucky. so what if i'm not the smartest prettiest girl. i've more than that. i've my parents love and their belief in me. with them, and all my friends beside me, i can do anything i set my heart to.
To everyone who loves me and have been there for me and is currently lost and tired of life,
Never Give Up. Cause you have me! and everyone else behind you!

okay, after such an inspiring post, i have to fall back to reality.
have PI to rushed. YES I CAN DO IT. I WILL FINISH YOU YOU IDIOT PI. MUHAHAHAHA


For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone.

I’d do it again. I choose you, every time

i'm suddenly really sad. i feel like texting cheryl, but sigh. i dont know. i think i'm really tired. i don't know. everything is just so not right.
i suddenly feel like getting out there and experiencing things i've never ever done before.
i need to get away. learn, live.
i think i'm going to try out for the reach cambodia thing. do smth for someone, maybe acheive smth or make a difference.
maybe i'll be more mature and happier then.
till then, hopefully i'll be happy. soon.

Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail.

so close to reaching that famous happy ending

So close, so close and still so far

we're all alices in our wonderlands

I think i've lost my muchness over the years

Life is like riding a bicycle

"If death meant just leaving the stage long enough
to change costume and come back as a new character…
Would you slow down? Or speed up?"

Chuck Palahniuk

i found this quote rather interesting and
i'm suffering a mental block now which is very awful cause i'vee to hand in my economics essay in about 11 hours timeee. i should have started earlier.
And i can't do it tmr morning cause i'm meeting cheryl.
HATE MY LIFE.
HATE HOLIDAY HOMEWORK.
HATE ONE WEEK HOLIDAYS FILLED WITH HOMEWORK.

in order to keep your balance, you must keep moving

when i was younger i used to be wild

"For most of us, dreams come true only after they do not matter, Only in childhood do we ever have the chance of making dreams come true when they mean everything. And when childhood dies, its corpses are called adults and they enter society, one of the polite names of hell. That is why we dread children, even if we love them, they show us the state of our decay."

Edna St. Vincent Millay


This is how i feel. In mj. like i'm not a corpse yet, but i know i'm dying.
But i thank god for giving me so many things that make me continue going on with my life.
Amelia, my new friend i made in mj, who is the perfect nice sweet girl but still with some spice. i'll probably have quit mj if i havent met her.
Zhi Qian and Ode who still talk to me and like we still talk and share our feelings to each other. which is also one of the reasons why mj life is more bearable.
Sharon, who is there for me. and the fact that we still are like friends for so long is amazing. life would suck without you.
Shi, everything feels the same even after we are in different schools. i miss talking to you so much shi. sigh. i wish i could meet with u more often.
Everyone in the clique, i miss you guys so much. Tk is awesome cause i met all of you guys there and now, it seems like we're all scattered around. sigh
And lastly, but most importantly, CHERYL TAN. i miss you the most, although we met up so many times alrdy. its so sad that we're in different schools. i wish i had tried tj. life is just so sad for me now. i used to think u need me more than i need you, but i realise i was wrong. i need you more than u need me. more than i need any friend. hopefully, we'll ace a levles and go to the same uni tgt. i miss you so much. sigh. i hope we will never ever drift apart.

Now, i'm not even sure mj was what i wanted. i'm tired. of school of everything. i wish i was younger.then maybe i wouldnt be so unhappy and negative.

his acts being seven ages

"Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant filled with odd little waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don’t always like."

That kind of sums up my day.
i'm exhausted and i haven't even start studying/revising. i dont know what the shit i've been doing. okay. i'll make it up during breaks tmr.
i'm dead tired and fb just repeatedly fail to upload my photos.
i want to give up but i'm stronger than that i know.
i liveeee for fridays and weekends. cny come soon!
i miss tk. i wish i was back in the ugly building wearing green pinafore. i wouldnt complian, not with the ones i love most right beside me.

i miss you guys the most ): and everytime i think about all of you, i feel like crying ):

The purest magic is in the heart

"The truth is hard.
The truth is awkward and very often the truth hurts.
I mean, people think they want the truth.
But do they really?
The truth is painful.
Deep down, nobody wants to hear it, especially when it hits close to home.
Sometimes we tell the truth because the truth is all we have to give.
Sometimes we tell the truth because we need to say it out loud to hear it for ourselves.
And sometimes we tell the truth because we just can’t help ourselves.
Sometimes, we tell them because we owe them at least that much."

shi, i read this and i think you should know what i'm trying to say. believe just for one more time okay!

oh honey, you ain't see nothing yet

HELLLOOOOOOO!

MJ BOLEH AAAa MJ BOLEH AAAall the rest can go fly kite!

today is class orientation and you can say i'm absolutely in loveee with Callisto 1, in short C1.
We bonded easily and everyone is super nice and cool! like we go around the school shouting C1 and cheered each other whenever we're playing games and all that. somehow, it seems like no matter if we fail or win, its no big deal cause we know the whole C1 is right behind us. OMG THE CLASS SPIRITTT. i've missed class spirit. made many new friendsss. and i'm not very good with names but i'm still trying to rememeber eevrybody namesss! and our class have like guys, that are well i would say gentlemen, unlike the bunch of idiots we met today. gosh they make me so mad. and well, i guessed we showed them enough girl power and that girls can kick some butts okay. although i think i would prefer to kick where it hurt most.
But still, C1 is great, awesome, wonderful so far! i'm more sure about my choice of being in mj and i'm ever more determined to excel in mj! I CAN DO ITTTTT!
okay. tmr will be really really fun! i'm resting early tonight!
MOVE IT CALLISTO!!!!!

Russian Roulette

Met jia yi and sharon and we took bus to school today. the bus is so cramped and like the roads are so jammed and the bus is soooo slow! i have this bad feeling that i'll be like late. so i think i should just wake up early and like have breakfast there or study there. hahah. i know i sound like a nerd right. thats my aim No 2! my aim No 1 is to just not retain. aim No 2 is to be a nerd. but like if i dont want to retain i should be like a nerd first? hahah. okay. anyway, i'm thinking of joining drama club but like i feel i'm not that cut out for it. cause like i'm probably slightly dramatic and just a tweeny bit bimbotic, but like it does not mean i can actually act in front of an audience or during auditions. maybe i should join like something else instead...
anyway, as i was sitting in the bus today i felt so sad as i was smsing shi. i can't believe i was glad of leaving tk. like its the only place i want to be in. i miss like being with shi and ju and cheryl and amanda and carina and emmm. ): i miss zing tooooo! i actually love to hug you! like i dont exactly love hugs but i love hugging you.
nevertheless, i'm in mj now. i cant be a coward and like just keep to myself. BE SPONTANEOUS! make friends, bond! i can do it. & i hope i dont blush! like i suddenly keep getting red neck and ears?! and like i must talk to whoever i sit beside tmr. i talked to this girl called josie from st nics. shes nice and like mature type. i must be like her. mature, not bimbo. yes. no screaming and jumping excitedly and like talking like a bimbo. i can do it!
okay, wish me luck! i need it alot tmr.

confession

On monday, i
walked from downtown east to white sands with sharon and aborted our plan to go to wild wild wet.
we
were wearing fbts and class t shirts and i felt like sleeping.
had lunch at swensens and talked and i drank so much water i'm amazed!
walked and walked for delicious watermelon balls but it was closed ):
so we took loop bus rides all over tampines and talked and talked.
enjoyed good toast tgt and had very tired+aching feet at the end of the day.
we should take bus rides more often sharon! long long loop ones!
& i love spending time with you! its always fun, comfortable and utterly amazing(awwww!)

Today, i
met renice and we took a long train ride form eunos to jurong east.
we
talked and ate macs and gossiped and talked and bought tickets to sci centre and snow city.
witnessed 'forever'
took pictures with a super muscular man! and look bodyless due to some eye tricks.
expeerienced lots of futuristic stuff which make us ponder on whether technology really makes things less enjoyable.
witnessed man made lightning which was so defeaning.
enjoyed ourselves most at the sounds hall where we saw cute 'dancing' metal stuff which danced to the different beats of the music.
bought mood cards which can acutally tell us if we're in love & if the guy is the right one. (GASPS!)
fell down at snow city and laughed while we slide down in rubber tyres.
throw ice over our heads and pretend like it was snowing and
were awed by the fact that there was misty air whenever we talked.
stood throughout the long train ride back and
i'm a little sad to know that it will probably be a long time before we meet up and talk. i love you so much renice! i hope your chuck will appear and he can make you happy cause thats what you deserve. love you forever.

Tomorrow,
i'll finally know if i get into mj and pray that i do. and enjoy myself for like the last time .
i'm getting very nervous about orientation day and like everything but thats if i get into mj.
i should sleep now. yes. dont worry so much jocee!!! you will get in!

who knows? maybe one day we'll be perfect for each other.

dangerous

I had my first facial today and i can tell you its sooo painful i teared after it was done. like that kind of in pain tears or smth? But i'm hoping my skin will be better tmr and like for as long as it can last.
School is starting next week and i've yet to get my bag and shoes and everything! i'm so excited and everything, but i can get into mj right. like i should be in. i must be in. if not i'll just faint or smth.
i'm like super high now i don't exactly know why!!! okay. monday i'm eating steamboat with sharon and zing i'm sooooo excitedddd!!!! and tues snow city and sci centre with renice! yayyy! i miss her so much. plusss we will have to catch up soon or after school starts we'll be busy like hell. and wed with the 10 of us. i want to sing chinese new year song with amanda! like everytime i hear chinese new year songs on the radio i will think of the times where we would sing in class.like when its national day we'll sing national day songs.
i've so little time left to do what i want but i guess i've to make use of whatever i have. anyway, i'm meeting cheryl tmr. she better buy smth from thailand for meeeee or i will call her chou bu la ji xiang gu tou! hahahah.
byeeeeee!

too good to last

This week would finally be my last week to work! i'm so glad that i don't have to fry donuts and pack breads and walk home with blisters and aching toes. And not to mention smelling like bread.
But after all i guess i learnt alot. i can't wait for jc life to start. well thats if i get into mj, which i will. i must believe. i hope i can start everything anew. change my attitude towards my studies and finally decide on my future job.
Today i went back to cz to pick amanda up from school and i realise i've alrdy stop thinking about the days i used to spend in cz. of course i remember the friends and the memories i had there. But i guess i've let go of it. i think we would never know whether we let go unless we really see the person/face the thing we've to put behind.
i've thought i'm always hanging on but somehow just seeing someone i used to think meant so much to me turn out to be so normal. i guess in love, i've always expected fireworks, the quicken hearbeats but still a flush happiness and excitement in my heart. But i guess some things dont work that way.
i'm surprised to find some realistic in me. i thought i was always too idealistic, too hopeful. but i guess its for the best.
In 2010, i think i've learn to move on. its a start. but of course i will remember the past. But i will never let it pull me back. instead, i will be the one who would still constantly look back and smile at the memories that once touched me.
I could say i'm relived i guess.
17. so young but i guess i'm actually maturing!

just when you thought you knew what you wanted

i thought i wanted mj. i did. i swear i wanted it so badly. till i realise so many people i dont ever want to see in my whole freaking life is going there too.
i thought this could be a new start. i could leave my past behind. i could forget and move on. But now, i'm held back. by who i used to be. by everything that used to mean so much to me.
four years.
just when i thought i had everything properly mapped out. everything nicely planned, things have to change.
i'm so confused now.
I'm not going to worry. everything is going to turn out fine.
i'm going to be okay.
But the thought of starting school is horrible. without cheryl nonsense, without shi and ju so close by. without amanda and zq and carina and emm. sigh. at least i have ode! hahah.
I'm going to make it work. make mj work. make everything change.
I CAN DO IT!!!

11

i couldn't say i'm satisfied. But i'm just glad and contented cause i think i can end up in mj? thats all i asked for at first. of course i want more. But how much more can i ask for when i've had it all?
i will miss tk the most. i've always seen it as a place where i would just pass my secondary days but i fell in love with the green uniform, the enthusiatic cheeers, the loud screams, the support and i've made great friends there i hope i can take with me for life. i've learn and mature and become a much better person. i will miss everyone and everything in tk the most.
i've memories to keep me grinning till i'm old and wrinkled.
and now, moving on, i hope to go into mj, and thank god i'll be with sharon again. thats like the 2nd thing i hope for. i guess we're stuck tgt for life sharon!
i've everything i hoped for. thank you to everyone who helped make it come true. and i think wishing under the shiniest star in the sky works. well, at least princess and the frog doesnt lie!

Note: improve on my english. see i should have read more story books lah!

its all about the climb

Its about slightly more than 3 hours before i know my results. i'm not going to freak out and just give up or whatever. if i do badly, i will pick myself up. learn and work harder. after all this is a journey, not a final destination. i believe i will do better the next time if i work harder and not give up.
mummy say have positive thoughts and positive things will come to you. i'm having positive thoughts now. i believe in myself and my abilities. this is nothing but one of the minor challenges in life. whatever happens i must not give up. i must stay strong. i must believe in myself.
for all it was worth, i've tried my best.
i'm not one who will let a small matter take me away from my dreams and ambitions. No matter what happens, i'm proud of myself.
I can do it.

loser? or winner?

I"M LIKE SO SO SO SO NERVOUS.
i've figured it out. if i can't get into mj, its okay. i will just start from scratch and like totally study hard for a levles/ whatever poly course i take.
its not going to be the end of the world.
if i get into mj, i will work as hard to make sure i deserve to be there and make sure i get good a levles results.
Whatever happens is alrdy destined. i must must just accept whatever happens.
Believe Believe Believe in yourself jocelyn!
stay strong no matter what happens cause you've everyone you love all there for you.
sigh, i'm like so damn scared now! i think i will just visualize whatever that will happen and cry myself to sleep.
i hope i come back tmr with good news.

fly away

i really like this photo i took at marina barrage on wed. sharon and i talked and drink and enjoyed the wind and lying down on the mat and staring at the sky. i think i will miss this freedom and relaxing holiday the most when school reopens. i'm going to do well, i have confidence in myself! i can do it!!!! i must not think negatively!
anyway i went to tp open house today with sharon and i saw my no 1 enemy. the big size guy (if u heard me complaining before you will know who is it)! i was like omg sharon i freaking cannot believe this and i grabbed her hand. and she was like what what and shes like super scared/worried until she realise its our common enemy!and shes like chey. i was like why cant u see the big mountain in front of us?!okay, enough comic relief. i'm super excited for the bbq tmr!
bye!

Renice, i miss you too! we've to go snow city before school reopens! i love talking to you too, you're the best. love you and super good luck on monday!!!

Red Hearts

i miss tkgs.
i miss going back to school on jan has been like a tradition for 10 years. it feels really weird seeing people in uniforms and walking about with their friends. & i can't remember what i did after the first day of school last year.
suddenly i miss wearing our school uniform and the canteen food and class breaks where we would gather around and talk. i miss times where shi will bully amanda or bully me and amanda will help me out. i miss miss yeo funny lessons and her life "teachings". i miss being so afraid and making sure i do every physics homework properly. i miss cheryl pleading me to go to the teacher locker with her and carrying heavy physics file. i miss morning assembly with ju right behind me and i even miss the prefect who will always tell me to pull up my socks, and i will tell ju i'm so tired of people telling me to pull up my socks(like i take it in the sense that i'm not working hard enough). i miss after school physics lessons with mr seah and bus rides home with cheryl and going for late lunch afterwards at kfc. i miss bus rides home with sharon where we would talk and plan about our days after o levels.
suddenly, everything seems to be over so quickly. suddenly, it seems like i'm slowly losing everything i use to have. just like when i was in sec 1 and when i went back to cz feeling like all of us are still so close but we've slowly grown apart.
suddenly i'm scared. of losing all i have. maybe i didnt cherish what i had before. maybe i took everything for granted. maybe nothing is meant to last forever.
Now, i'm going to turn 17 in about exactly a month time. i'm going to take my results and go to wherever i'm going depends on my results. i feel like this 2 months or the past year have pass to fast. i'm hoping everything will come to a stop, or go back to the time when i was happier when i knew lesser and felt more.
But i've realised life is a race. And i'm always seeing everyone that matter run too far ahead of me, moving on, living the new life. maybe i should be like them, learn to let it go. learn to run ahead and probably meet newer runners in the race.
Suddenly, i'm tired. tired of running forever. tired that everytime i'm used to something, things change and i'm thrown into an entirely differnt situation and i'm expected to get used to it.
But maybe, just maybe this time its different. maybe this time i will have what i thought used to exist.
forever