hey, i'm feeling better now. i've so much stuff to do i think i can drown in them and i better get started soon. i can't believe i've math and physics test tmr and i'm really really unprepared. but i believe i will try my best and hopefully, it goes okay. i can't wait for national day holidays and all that, i could really use a break. i miss cheryl, and hope we can meet soonn!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm going to study hard and just work my ass off for the remaining time that i have. i'm going to believe in myself and dont ever think that i can't do it. i'm going to promote, and not let mummmy worry about me. i'm going to be happier, than now, than you, than i've ever been. i can do it.
Friday, July 30, 2010
It’s not that he was ashamed, or even that he thought he was doing something wrong, because he knew that what he was doing was right, more right than anything he saw anyone do, and he knew that doing right often means feeling wrong, and if you find yourself feeling wrong, you’re probably doing right. But he also knew that there is an inflationary aspect to love, and that should his mother, or Rose, or any of those who loved him find out about each other, they would not be able to help but feel of lesser value. He knew that I love you also means I love you more than anyone loves you, or has loved you, or will love you, and also, I love you in a way that no one loves you, or has loved you, or will love, and also, I love you in a way that I love no one else, and never have loved anyone else, and never will love anyone else. He knew that it is, by love’s definition, impossible to love two people.
Hello, today is a horrible day. i hate/love gossips. sometimes you find out about things you never knew, and then you get sad, disappointed, confused. i've always though i could trust the peopple i trust, that i know them, and that they know me. but why do people do things that hurt others, purposely? i dont get that. i dont remember a time where i hurt someone intentionally. like even if u hurt someone, it wasnt on purpose. i just dont get why living is so hard, like what ode says, school is war. mj is srsly like a battelfield. i think i actually hate this school, and its only redeeming quality is the friends i've there. i dont get it why i have so many problems, like the workload and studies are already enough to suffocate me, but i've to worry and think about such stuff. i think its me,my fault. i shouldnt care anymore, like why bother trying to be nice when people dont care. i'm fucking tired. like srsly, i think all i will do now is study. dont think, i must stop thinking, cause the more you think, the larger the problem seems to be and the sadder you get. life is horrible.
if you could hear me, i would say our finger prints don't fade from the lives we touched
Hello, there is something wrong with me. no, everything about me is wrong. why do i feel like i'm losing my grip, losing my hold on my life. my own life. i can't wake up whenever i fall asleep. i think its my way of escaping from reality. and when i wake up, everything seems to be a blur, a rush. i've lost control. why does everything have to be so hard, or why can't i be stronger? my promos is coming so soon, i feel death looming over my head practically every min of my life. yet, i cant gather enough strength to fight on. what has happened to me
I'm feeling really tired today. i think the heat really got me. i'm having a headache and i'm really tired mentally. shi came today and it was fun i guess, if u minus the heat. hahhahahha. she is kinda like a tourist. it makes me wish she was here in mj too, wish cheryl, ju, amanda, carina emm and adeline is here too. that would be nice wouldnt it. why do i feel like there is something lacking in my life recently. i think i'm getting confused, again. and i need to catch up with my studies really really soon. whats wrong with me. why am i sucha screw up. i'm a sad case. sigh.
maybe temporarily, maybe at a wrong time, maybe too late, maybe forever
this is seoul tower locks of love. you write the name of the person you love and your name and probably a message or smth. then, you lock it up and throw away the key. i think its really sweet.
i think she sang this song beautifully. its so cool isnt it, to be able to sing like this, such that when people hear them, they could feel the emotions behind the lyrics and the song. and writers too, they could write and describe how you feel perfectly. and actors, for acting out the emotions and everything the script wants to tell, show to the audience.
anyway, i've decided to audition. no point in not trying. i should at least just try and even if i embarass myself, too bad. i'm not a singer. but at least i tried. life is so hard nowadays. everyone is expecting something from you, wanting a piece, a part of you. sometimes when you're stretched too thin, i wonder what happens. like you read reports of people commiting suicide, its so sad, like how can they just give up and leave behind everything and everyone they love. but i guess i can understand how they feel, living a life without hope, faith and belief in themselves. but it takes courage doesnt it. to just let it all go, give it all up. but i guess it takes less courage and effort as compared to continue to live.
And promos is going to come in about 2 months time. so little time, and god knows what i;m doing with my life. i think i'm going to stop using the com soon. got to give promos a good shot. i was thinking back how i was like in primary school, sharon agreed that i've changed. i was more daring i guess, almost fearless, impulsive, always jumping into things without thinking. now, i think i lost my muchness. lost the courage, the fight. is it because things are getting harder or i've become weaker. i think i'm tired. but i need to see this through. no other way out. sigh. i guess i dont need wishes. i need strength, courage and faith. i hope i pull through. sigh.
And cheryl, we can do it. i believe in you, in myself. we've no other choice but to do well and make it. but we've each other, no matter what. and maybe one day, we can realise our dreams and look back feeling so proud of ourselves for making it. i love you and we must be stronger and we must must must try our best! we can do it!
If ever there is tomorrow when we’re not together, there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart, I’ll always be with you.
Hello, today i went for paradigma at ajc and we had to wear the blazer and court shoes and everything and i swear, heels make me go crazy. i cant walk in them. like i was always walking the slowest and the rest would be like waiting for me. i'm like the world's most lousy heels walker. hahahah!! The talk was rather inspirational, i think their research paper were really good, with little faults, and though it was slightly boring, i especially enjoyed the talk by one of the panelist who was srsly so witty and humorous, and what he said was true. we cant just wait for national identity to evolve, we just cant wait for the government to help us develop it. we should do it ourself. start by doing something small and even though it doesnt affect the community on a large scale, if everyone make a small effort, singapore would be a wonderful place to live in! But the problem is we're srsly too pragmatic. i dont deny being pragmatic, like everything you do, you must reap benefits from it, you must get something in return. and the fact that we've the heck care attitude towards everything except those that matters to us make things worse. i'm worried about international friendship day, like what can i do to make a difference in mj, how can i let everyone see the importance of the friendship and bond between different races. i can have thousands ideas in my mind, but can i make it come true at the end of the day. sigh i srsly dont know. and today is kind of like a bad day. like although they say ppl on the average usually get 3 U. but it doesnt seems so. like there are so many people doing well, and i just dont know what have i been doing to improve and to make sure i pass my promos and promote. i dont know what i need, a wake up call or someone there to moivate me constantly? life is confusing like that. you never know what you want. till its too late. sigh. i think i'm getting emo. i should start on my math tutorial. byeeee
(Turn around) every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you're never coming round (Turn around) every now and then I get a little bit tired of listening to the sound of my tears (Turn around) every now and then I get a little bit nervous that the best of all the years have gone by (Turn around) every now and then I get a little bit terrified and then I see the look in your eyes
(Turn around, bright eyes) Every now and then I fall apart (Turn around, bright eyes) Every now and then I fall apart
And I need you now tonight and I need you more than ever And if you only hold me tight We'll be holding on forever And we'll only be making it right 'cause we'll never be wrong Together we can take it to the end of the line Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time (all of the time) I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks I really need you tonight, forever's gonna start tonight Forever's gonna start tonight
Once upon a time I was falling in love, but now I'm only falling apart There's nothing I can do... a total eclipse of the heart Once upon a time there was light in my life, but now there's only love in the dark Nothing I can say... a total eclipse of the heart
This is my favourite Glee song now. life is getting really tired nowadays. i've so many choices to make i'm starting to think that my whole life is full of opp cost-regret. hahahahah! anyway, gottaa go do hw. byeee
i feel overwhelmed by exams and homeworks. but srsly, i practically have no homework and i dont freaking know why i cant bring myself to do just that pathetic amount of homework. econs and everything is like bringing me down. like srsly, you study you get u, you dont study you also get u. i know i didnt study like half of my hoidays but holidays are like meant for me to relax and rest and not mug like freaking the whole holidays away. it takes so much effort to do okay in a jc and maybe i'm starting to hesitate if i'm ready and willing to put in all i can do do better.
they say when life gives u lemons make lemonade. i say when life gives you lemons say well, thats not what i ask for but i guess i'm going to have to bite my tongue and swallow sour lemmon juice. okay. i dont make sense. i've like freaking eom to do and all i want to do now is go star gazing.
hello! mid years is over and the fear is starting to sink in. why is it that i never do well for exams? like srsly, i've never remembered being happy over my results. and its useless to say i will work hard for the next test cause i never ever do that. maybe i will change soon. i;m not going to say, yes i will like try my best and score for promos or smth cause i'll probably just bail out at the end of the day. anyway, studying for mid years was hell. physics was like hell xinfinity. surprisingly, studying for lit was quite fun. but tess of the d'urbervilles is srsly the most depressing novel i ever read. like srsly i cried the most reading tess. its really heartbreaking, especially when tess is tortured by fate and her circumstances and the fact that the book doesnt have a happy ending and that tess has to bear everything when she is not the one at fault. its so full of unfairness, unhappiness and hopelessness. sigh. and the tv series for tess is so heartbreaking too! like if u want to see u must see the 08 version. tess is really pretty in the version, shes the princess in prince of persia. anyway,back to my life. i've been enjoying life after promos. watching shows, reading and shopping and everything. its time to go back to reality. i think i'm not going to use the com much now. its too distracting and pointless. and i'm going to just see how my results go. hopefully i do better than i expect since i expect the worse! ahhahaa. esp math and lit. anyway, i've been really hooked up with glee soundtrack!!! go hear!!!! my favourite ones!!!
all these are my fave!! but now i love poker face the most, and dont stop believing, but mercy is so perfect and bust a move is just so cool! i can't pick a favourite!
