Maybe fate doesn't exist
Maybe life doesn't gets in the way
Maybe we all have a choice
Maybe you should try
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Friday, November 23, 2012
Real, terrifying
I know I really really love someone when I'm just mean to them. Its like I don't treat them as well as I treat others? But sometimes all I want to do is hug them tightly and tell them how much they mean to me but all I will go is like , ok bye. I think the people I love scare me too much. A part of me wishes I don't love them as much as I do and a part of me is grateful I have them in my life even if I were to lose them one day. So yes, to the stupid Cheryl who I can't help but be mean to and our awkward byes at mrt stations, I really wish we can be 16 forever. But we are so young but growing so old and I'm so terrified of life and what it could do, but I think life would just work out eventually right? We'd be happy and have crazy people holding our hands and talking in duck lips and we will always be who we were when we are 16, even if we are 71 and I'm a cranky, perpetual pms old lady who wishes everyone around her would just die or something, we will still always be who we are now right?
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Sunday, November 18, 2012
101
Despite the looming finals and my impending doom(because i've been such a bad ass by not studying), i really want to share my thoughts about this movie i watched.
Architecture 101
It's a korean film, genre: romance. It's exquisite, really really well done. My favorite type of romance, innocence wrapped up with reality. Okay, basically it's about a pair of lovers way back in their 20s, they fell in love, but life gets in the way and they didn't manage to get together despite loving each other and fast forward say 15 years later, she tracked him down and asked him to fulfill a promise he made 15 years ago. i know you must be thinking, yo jocelyn what's the promise. i won't spoil it for you so go watch it! The most interesting part is the ending really. They didn't get together, there i said it, shoot me now. But seriously, they didn't get together and i can only fully appreciate the ending after reading the director's commentary, which always seems to provide all the answers the film fails to.
"The two main characters learn to understand each other through their memories. They need to figure out 'what do they need' and 'what do they need to leave each other'. A good structure needs time to build. Even with people, you have to invest time to build the relationship and make it stronger."
The ending is real and realistic. Time apart has changed both of them in different ways, she is no longer who he loved and he is no longer the boy she was in love with. They can't be together again because reality would drive them apart again. I like how the movie is about seeing things as they are, without the touch of fairy tale, something pure and natural, like what our life should be like. Yes, granted we might not have the sweep your feet off the ground moments where the prince charming would put everything aside just to be with you, instead, it's about letting go, realizing that things are not the way it was before and leaving the memory as it is, untainted and in the past.
First love are perfect because it was your first, when you were pure, naive, hopeful, innocent. Where you believed that love lives outside the boundary of reality, that things really would work out, that things would go the way you want, the way you expect it to. That's why it doesn't i guess, because it's your first. And everything else can only get better, that the last might just be the answer or maybe your third might mean the most, or your fifth might just be the one who got away. Possibilities, endless possibilities. The endless possibilities might just be what i live for.
Tonight, i think i'm the right mixture of sadness and contentment and maybe a tinge of nostalgia. It's not about losing your first love to possibly the worst guy on earth or losing the most important one, it's about learning from the loss and picking yourself up and walking in a different direction this time. And maybe all the lessons learnt might just lead you to the one.
Architecture 101
It's a korean film, genre: romance. It's exquisite, really really well done. My favorite type of romance, innocence wrapped up with reality. Okay, basically it's about a pair of lovers way back in their 20s, they fell in love, but life gets in the way and they didn't manage to get together despite loving each other and fast forward say 15 years later, she tracked him down and asked him to fulfill a promise he made 15 years ago. i know you must be thinking, yo jocelyn what's the promise. i won't spoil it for you so go watch it! The most interesting part is the ending really. They didn't get together, there i said it, shoot me now. But seriously, they didn't get together and i can only fully appreciate the ending after reading the director's commentary, which always seems to provide all the answers the film fails to.
"The two main characters learn to understand each other through their memories. They need to figure out 'what do they need' and 'what do they need to leave each other'. A good structure needs time to build. Even with people, you have to invest time to build the relationship and make it stronger."
The ending is real and realistic. Time apart has changed both of them in different ways, she is no longer who he loved and he is no longer the boy she was in love with. They can't be together again because reality would drive them apart again. I like how the movie is about seeing things as they are, without the touch of fairy tale, something pure and natural, like what our life should be like. Yes, granted we might not have the sweep your feet off the ground moments where the prince charming would put everything aside just to be with you, instead, it's about letting go, realizing that things are not the way it was before and leaving the memory as it is, untainted and in the past.
First love are perfect because it was your first, when you were pure, naive, hopeful, innocent. Where you believed that love lives outside the boundary of reality, that things really would work out, that things would go the way you want, the way you expect it to. That's why it doesn't i guess, because it's your first. And everything else can only get better, that the last might just be the answer or maybe your third might mean the most, or your fifth might just be the one who got away. Possibilities, endless possibilities. The endless possibilities might just be what i live for.
Tonight, i think i'm the right mixture of sadness and contentment and maybe a tinge of nostalgia. It's not about losing your first love to possibly the worst guy on earth or losing the most important one, it's about learning from the loss and picking yourself up and walking in a different direction this time. And maybe all the lessons learnt might just lead you to the one.
Friday, November 16, 2012
When you look back
Sometimes I get into a mood and read through some of my posts to revisit a moment I had gone through, it's kind of like looking at that moment from a different perspective, more clear headed, rational and detached point of view.
Recently I've been thinking about things I said before and some I really regret saying them. I wish I didn't hurt anyone unintentionally or make someone life more horrible that it already is. It's just... I wish I can control the things that come out of my mouth sometimes. I wish I scan it through my head before saying something potentially hurtful. But it's hard cos there are moments where I can be so mean and cold blooded I don't even recognize myself. But it's a part of me, not something to be ashamed of, cos I'm not perfect and I'm actually really bitchy. But I really do have good intentions or at least I'm protecting myself from things that could hurt me. It's just like you hurt others before they hurt you?
I don't know.... I think I owe some people an apology. Some I can never ever say it out but I apologize in my heart.
I'm sorry if I hurt you, sorry that I didn't understand. I'm sorry that I flipped. I'm sorry that I walked out on you when I said I'd be there, sorry that I saw you as a piece of shit though you really still are. I'm sorry that you couldn't understand me, sorry I didn't make it easy to. I'm sorry that life gets in the way, sorry that years really do get in the way. I'm sorry that I missed out on the happy and sad times you've been through, sorry that I would also miss out on the ones you'd be going through. I'm sorry I didn't called or text or bother, I'm sorry you didn't either. I'm sorry that I don't give a shit about people who don't give a shit about me, I'm sorry that I didn't continue trying. I'm sorry that I said no, I'm sorry that I let you think I really meant so. I'm sorry that I couldn't stand the sight of you, in sorry that you don't know why. I'm sorry that I let my pride get in the way, sorry that you couldn't see that I really do want you to stay. I'm sorry that I'm so imperfect, sorry that you can't see that i hate being so. I'm sorry that I let you go, I'm sorry that If I were to go through it again i wouldn't have change anything either way. I'm sorry that I think you are not worth the effort, I'm sorry that I still think you are not who I thought you were. I'm sorry for being who I am, sorry that I want the exact opposite of what I said. I'm sorry I don't feel the connection I feel with certain people, I'm sorry that we are drifting apart. I'm sorry that I don't see a future, I'm sorry that I would put you aside. I'm sorry that I'm immature, sorry that I let you down. I'm sorry that you cried, I'm sorry to let you see me cry. I'm sorry that you are not what I'm looking for, I'm sorry that I'm not yours. I'm sorry that I would never have the courage to tell you the million things I've thought about you, I'm sorry that i think I would die with that as a regret. I'm sorry I would rather regret than get hurt, I'm sorry I put myself first. I'm sorry I wasn't who I was, I am sorry I changed. I'm sorry that I couldn't be who I was, I'm sorry that I am getting worse each day.
I'm sorry that I wouldn't be perfect when I finally meet you, I'm sorry that you will eventually see that. I'm sorry that you'd leave eventually, I'm sorry that I would let you. I'm sorry that love is life and life is fate and fate is chances and chances could be controlled or decided. I'm sorry that life gets in the way. I'm sorry that I get in the way.
I'm sorry that I am me.
Recently I've been thinking about things I said before and some I really regret saying them. I wish I didn't hurt anyone unintentionally or make someone life more horrible that it already is. It's just... I wish I can control the things that come out of my mouth sometimes. I wish I scan it through my head before saying something potentially hurtful. But it's hard cos there are moments where I can be so mean and cold blooded I don't even recognize myself. But it's a part of me, not something to be ashamed of, cos I'm not perfect and I'm actually really bitchy. But I really do have good intentions or at least I'm protecting myself from things that could hurt me. It's just like you hurt others before they hurt you?
I don't know.... I think I owe some people an apology. Some I can never ever say it out but I apologize in my heart.
I'm sorry if I hurt you, sorry that I didn't understand. I'm sorry that I flipped. I'm sorry that I walked out on you when I said I'd be there, sorry that I saw you as a piece of shit though you really still are. I'm sorry that you couldn't understand me, sorry I didn't make it easy to. I'm sorry that life gets in the way, sorry that years really do get in the way. I'm sorry that I missed out on the happy and sad times you've been through, sorry that I would also miss out on the ones you'd be going through. I'm sorry I didn't called or text or bother, I'm sorry you didn't either. I'm sorry that I don't give a shit about people who don't give a shit about me, I'm sorry that I didn't continue trying. I'm sorry that I said no, I'm sorry that I let you think I really meant so. I'm sorry that I couldn't stand the sight of you, in sorry that you don't know why. I'm sorry that I let my pride get in the way, sorry that you couldn't see that I really do want you to stay. I'm sorry that I'm so imperfect, sorry that you can't see that i hate being so. I'm sorry that I let you go, I'm sorry that If I were to go through it again i wouldn't have change anything either way. I'm sorry that I think you are not worth the effort, I'm sorry that I still think you are not who I thought you were. I'm sorry for being who I am, sorry that I want the exact opposite of what I said. I'm sorry I don't feel the connection I feel with certain people, I'm sorry that we are drifting apart. I'm sorry that I don't see a future, I'm sorry that I would put you aside. I'm sorry that I'm immature, sorry that I let you down. I'm sorry that you cried, I'm sorry to let you see me cry. I'm sorry that you are not what I'm looking for, I'm sorry that I'm not yours. I'm sorry that I would never have the courage to tell you the million things I've thought about you, I'm sorry that i think I would die with that as a regret. I'm sorry I would rather regret than get hurt, I'm sorry I put myself first. I'm sorry I wasn't who I was, I am sorry I changed. I'm sorry that I couldn't be who I was, I'm sorry that I am getting worse each day.
I'm sorry that I wouldn't be perfect when I finally meet you, I'm sorry that you will eventually see that. I'm sorry that you'd leave eventually, I'm sorry that I would let you. I'm sorry that love is life and life is fate and fate is chances and chances could be controlled or decided. I'm sorry that life gets in the way. I'm sorry that I get in the way.
I'm sorry that I am me.
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