beautiful soul

Hello,
i've been wasting time since i've got home yesterday after dinner till nowww, doing nothingg but slacking and sleeping and eating and i think i'm rather irritated with myself. nevertheless i think i neeeddd a tweeny weeeny break. okay, maybe i dont deserve it and i've so much hw to complete anddd i'm going to die trying to finish them and doing pw stuff and studying the the econs test coming up and promos.
i've frequently encouraged myself and said that i can do it, i can study hard and all that shit but obviously it didnt work out. i think i need to figure out my problem and probably try to solve it before promos or smth. i'm starting to doubt if i can actually promote. i think scraping past is still possible but i wonder if thats what i want. i mean its all about doing well for a levels. what if i cant cope for j2 stuff because i insisted on promoting when i'm not actually read to take on what is coming up for me. i know it sounds like i'm being rather pessimistic but i'm being realistic. but i think i will continue working on working hard. hahahah that sounds funny. i was proud of myself cause i did like practice questions for tuition cause i promised my tuition teacher that i will do more questions. though it was only like 16 qns? and 5 that i can't do at all. but i did something. my tuition teacher is the kind of ppl i rarely meet. those optimistic kind, like super optimistic. i'm pessimistic and i kind of hate optimistic ppl causee like they're not beinggg realistic anddd all that? but i think he has been infuencing me in belieiving in myself that i could make it. just like my teachers in tkgs who constantly told us that we can do it and be there for us and everything. mjc lacks that kind of teachers and its so sad cause life is harder and tougher and you've no one there to spur you on and encourage you and tell you that you'll be fine at the end. But i've learnt from an inspiring movie i seen recently: 3 idiots. you've to go watch it, its amazing!!! the guy there says, our hearts scare easily, so you need to constantly tell it, all is well. so even when things go wrong, you can at least have the courage to face it and try. he is really strong and positive, someone i strive to be like. i wonder what my life will be 5 years, 10 years, 15 years from now. i wish that i can be happy and i wish that i can have a wonderful job, have my close friends with me, have my family there to support me and well, maybe find the one. but i've to go through the hard parts first before i get to the happy parts and finally the happpy ending. i should stop thinking about now, stop trying to cram everything and rush everything out, but rather work it out and understand it and make full use of the time i have left. i should not be hard on myself whenever i need a break. i believe i can keep a balance between study and play. its promos and i've to make it or else how can i even dream about ace-ing a levels. well, i guess i've to end with i can do it. again. hahahaha. its so ironic, its like i'm debating with myself. welll, i better start reading econs and lit andddd do math and start studying phyics.
till the next time i ranttt, byeeee!



To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe.
Anatole France