10 days to taking results. I think I'm slowly dying inside.

Just a moment ago while I was on the train home, one of the smrt staff started blowing his whistles and people start getting off the train. I am very amused by how people seems to know they were supposed to get off the train and well, how ridiculous the situation seems to be.
That's good, to be amuse I mean. I'm rarely amused by such events. It's good that I'm not stressed up over the upcoming a level results. Right....

I never like guys who kid around too much. They make me anxious and nervous. Plus, you can never trust them. You never know if they are serious or just kidding around. I hate that. Maybe because I'm too serious. But I feel that emotions and feelings are not meant to be played around with.

We were playing checkers. I used to kid her once in a while because she wouldn't take her kings out of the back row. But I didn't kid her much, though. You never wanted to kid Jane too much. I think I really like it best when you can kid the pants off a girl when the opportunity arises, but it's a funny thing. The girls I like best are the ones I never feel much like kidding.

The Catcher in the Rye, J.D Salinger

“Frustrated? Yes. Why? Because it is impossible for me to be God.”
Sylvia Plath, Journals


I'm frustrated with myself for being me. Imperfect, flawed and always drowning myself in my failures and regrets.

It's valentine's day. I told Cheryl that means we are one valentine's day closer to the one meant for us. That's if there is such a person out there. But I guess love is in the air and I choose to believe.
I wish that all lovers out there would be reminded of why they love each other and remember all the good times they had together. And of course for singles to find their right one soon. Happy valentine's day!

Frightening

I think it's hard to say what I feel sometimes.
I think that some people can be so detestable, so mean and unkind.
I think the unknown is scary, the future and what is to come is frightening.
I think that sometimes there is no point in making friends with new people because I know part of who they are with little things they say.
I think I judge people way too harshly and it makes people I don't know seem severely flawed.
I think I'm scared of disappointment and rejection.
I think the fact that I agree with the quote "people live alone and they die alone. Everything is just an illusion" is scary.
I think I'm having too much alone time and it's making me think too much.
I think I've fears I need to think about and talk myself out of.
I think I am once again tired. Tired of life and the disappointment it throws in my face constantly.