Free fallin

I don't think I've ever felt so low in a while. I do remember this feeling though. Feeling like nothing, feeling like you're as worthless as it gets because nothing you ever do is right, nothing ever goes the way you want it to. I hate being the sort that allow my results to determine who I am. I know that results are not just all, I need to have the spirit and goals and dreams for life. But all these are nothing if I can't get through the doors to open the gates of success. I hate failing. I think it's cruel to see zero and failing marks on my papers. It's so demoralizing and depressing. I hate seeing that what I studied for and wrote everything i could think of can't even get me a passing grade. I hate seeing that grade which says that oh no Jocelyn failed her math again, oh she's so weak in math, oh she's so dumb. I want to say fuck it, I don't give a damn if I screw my a levels up, life is more than this. But I realize it isn't. This is all I have. I have nothing to say if I were to fail my exams. I don't have anything else to prove my worth. It can't get worse than this. I don't even feel tired, I feel hopeless, lost. Tell me what I've not done to deserve a pass. I did all I could and this is what I get. Nothing anyone says can make you feel better. I know my friends are trying. But no, nobody gets it unless they are in the same state. And even if they were to motivate me and tell me to believe in myself. I can't. I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I can't see myself overcoming this and doing well eventually. And it makes me more and more hollow as I have to motivate people to do well because deep down I can't even see what I can do to pull myself out of this sandpit. I feel like I'm sinking every second and people, company, everybody is suffocating me. My troubles and worries are pulling me down. I can't stop thinking. I want to. I want to get out of this stupid self pity party I'm throwing myself but I can't seem to do it. I feel that life is unfair. Unfair to me. It's not fair surely. It will never be fair. I can feel all my dreams sipping through my fingers. I feel like sleeping until everything is over.
Can. you. just. let. me. go.