i'll be better when i'm older

i can't believe 2009 is going to be over in an hour.
this year has been filled with so many lessons and memories i'll take with me for the rest of my life. i've learnt who means more and those who don't matter. i've learnt that if i want something, i've to work for it, good things dont come easy. i've learnt that when in bad times, you can only depend on yourself and altough there will be people around to help you out, it ultimately depends on you. working has taught me that life is not easy and it will be worse as i get older. i learn that money dont come easy and how important it is. i've learnt that i'm stronger and more determined than i thought i was.
i've seen who are the ones i want in my life in the later years and those who are just passer bys.
i've learnt that nothing is forver, not even love. i guess as we get older we learn that there are no fairy tale endings. love can't keep us alive.
In 2010 i'm going to sort out my priorities, know what i want and make sure i remember what is the most important.
In 2010 i'll let go. i can't chase anymore.
Next year will be so much better. i can feel it.
my dreams my hopes everything will get so much clearer
change, thats what i need.
i can't wait for 2010 to come

too late

i'm so nervous thinking about results and worrying and regretting and thinking about maybe i should have. i hate all these worrying and not knowing what to expect. like srsly if the day i take results and i did super badly and my parents give me the i told you so look i'll be so angry and so sad like i dont know what la. i hate how insecure i feel nowadays like i was hearing the radio and it was like o level students and my heart skipped a beat. i thought they were going to announce the date for results. i hate feeling like i'm going to do so badly and just screw up my life or whatever there is to screw up. i'm so scared.of doing badly, of falling out of expectations, of seeing the disappointed looks on my parents, of seeing everybody being so happy but me doing so badly.
i dont know what to expect or hope for now. just let me get into mj and i'll be the happiest girl ever.
i wish.
i hope that i wish hard enough for it to come true.

for those who wait

i've finish my nora roberts book and i feel that it was as awesome as angels fall. it makes me remember why i believe in love and all the magic it brings.
i'm still sixteen, so i guess i'm entitled to some naivety and fantasy.
okay, i'm going to sleep now. kushinbo and shopping with mummmy and jo tmr. i'm actually thinking of getting a new cam but that would means buying less clothes and whatever i want. but i guess i have to buy smth to commemorate myfirst real working experience. i like the key pendant blair wear in gg so much. i'm thinking tiffany. sigh, i'm so excited and sleepy.
can't wait for next tues tooo. miss everyoneee!
till then,
believe in magic


she was everything he remembered and sought to forget
everything and more

caught

hello!
i just came back from ikea and it is quite chistmasy there, very red and there are like short christmas trees for sale and well, everything is cute and warm!
ate at sushi tei and it has in my opinion won sakae sushi by like gazillions points. i've been buying more stuff lately so as to reward myself for working so hard. and yes, i've got a sunday off!!
last thursday shi ju and sharon came over to bake. we had lunch at pizza hut first and went to do grocery shopping at fair price/cold storage(they are like the same). seow shi cant push the trolley and she often get distracted by distracting things like care bears (??!!) in the super market?! srsly, they should not sell care bears in super markets. Okay, so we decided to bake apple crumble, but it didnt turn out pretty cause i sifted the flour thinking i've to even though they didnt say i've to and being such an idiot, i told ju to sift the flour. it didnt turn out to be crumble and it ended up being like doughy. i'm so sorry!!! but very surprisingly, it turn out good, although the apple was tooo sweet in our opinion (except shi cause she is crazy! hahahha). overrall, it looked ugly but tasted great.we talked and ate and they left at like 8, which was so late i have no idea why they're not scared cause my house is so ulu!!!! i love you guys, everything is just so simple, grocery shopping and looking at cooking videos and searching for taylor swift monologue song and laughing and discussing blog posts and looking at laughing at my ugly baby pics (shi u're so bad can! i dont look that hilarious!!!). well, it was just so comfortable and simple and well, happy. it was so sweet to me. love you guys!
last tues i spent it with Renice at marina barrage, we bought sushi and snapple and juices and cream puffs and chips! we ate and talked and talked and finally decided to fly the kite but after several unsuccessful attempts we gave up cause it was too hot and we were tired running around like crazy ppl hoping the kite will start flying! the weather at marina is crazy. its very hot but also too windy. never wear a dress/ skirt there cause it will probably fly up and well, you know... we escaped to starbucks (like we needed it so badly!!!) and drank and talked. after so many years of not meeting and talking, things have change slightly but i still feel that we are still best friends in our hearts. i love you darling, i hope we go to the same jc and break hearts and move on and talk more and well, just spend more time tgt. i hope to ssee you real soon! at snow city next time (why do we go for extreme weather?!) i didnt realise how much i miss you and best friends forever! enjoy your prom and be the prettiest girl there! step on that idiot shoe!!! hahahha
i've no idea why i type such a long post but i guess i just feel like talking today. i've been feeling rather troubled like thinking of the results and like knowing i cant change anything but i want to know how i did and like well, i just kind of wish i'm thinner. i dont know why i just feel soo, sigh. you know like insecure and stuff. haiya. dont want say alrdy. bye!!! can't wait for hai pai tian xin tmr!

the words we kept in our hearts

Hello! i really love hai pai tian xin episode this week. i cried when she was dj-ing and he was looking at her.
today is a bad day. a make mistakes day for me. i make so many mistakes i'm so irritated. and everytime the boss tell me off i feel so pissed cause i will be like regreting why i am working. i need to change this bad habit soon.
sometimes i really hate working but i need to persevere to prove to myself i'm stronger than what people thinks.
anyway i read 8 days and it is aout fiona xie this week. shes right about one thing. about being happy and just enjoying life at every moment. i wonder if i can do that even after i grow up. i wish i could but i know life is not always that easy. thats why i know its impossible to be happy forever. okay, i'm being very negative now. thats because i'm watching this mv for like on repeat mode! it makes me sad and regret. go see!!! PLEASE!!!!




anyway i'm meeting renice tmr. i cant wait cause i havent meet her for like 2 years alrdy. and i miss her like hell! at marina barrage, we're having a picnic and flying kites and taking pictures. sounds very romantic right!? hahah.

shi, i'm so sorry for not planning the chalet so soon. i'm sms-ing everyone soon to plan! miss you shi and ju!!!! see u guys on thur. lets hope we dont have our period. hahah.

okay, toodles!!!

what you didn't know

hey.
i'm so tired. watch couples retreat with cheryl. i think it just show you the real stuff that happens after you get married but also reminds you why you get married in the first place, and how much you love each other and the passion you had before. i still believe that it is possible to stay happily in love even after you get married. and i'm only more than sure i must marry the one i'm sure i'll love forever. (lol. i'm talking like i'm married alrdy!?)
anyway, i think working is so freaking tiring! i was like yawning when i was with cheryl.sorry!
sigh. i'm only looking forward to tues with Renice and thur with shi ju zing and sharon!!! and gossip girl and hai pai tian xin!
anyway, listen to this song by ding dang 你為什麼說謊. its super nice!

你不能说我没有爱过
说我没等过难过
我也想说也许能重来
我却还是沉默
你一直问我的心到底在不在
问我怎能不遗憾就丢失爱
而我的泪怎么就流下来

regret is always the most beautiful

i have been working for 10 hours for 3 days!
i'm tired. but i guess i can still hang on.
hope i can dont work on sun than can go out with cheryl.
tues will be with renice and thur wild wild wet with sharon zing shi and ju!
i must pamper myself to makeup for those hard work everyday.
can't wait for hai pai tian xin new episode!!!
tilll then, toodlessss

thankful

i always love gossip girl thanksgiving. this year thanksgiving is so much more scandalous than the previous one.
today marks my second day of work and my feet is so sore from walking and standing that it is peelingg!
anyway today i worked the morning shift and open the gate and set up the stall alone! first time opening the metal gate thing. hahah. it is not as east as it seems. plus i've learnt to fry donuts and coat them with sugar and make custard cream.
i cant say i love my job but i think i'm getting used to it.
mummy says she hopes i learn how hard it is to work and she says she hope jo will go work too. working is so tiring and sometimes i feel like giving up. you will have thoughts like why the hell am i doing this?! i dont even do stuff like this at home! but myabe i'm too spoilt or i'm growing up.
But i'm proud of myself. 'm not going to quit. just finish it to the end of dec or maybe till first 2 weeks of jan. maybe i'll become more mature and good. hahha
Santa is always watching.
imagine all the presents i'll be buying for myself and everyone.
till then,
toodlessss!


when will u learn my love that some secrets can't stay hidden