My words will be your light to carry you to me

I want something simple. 

I want to look at him and Bam! I know it. I knew this is love. 

I want us to live in a dome. So there aren't corners we can hide. So no matter what, we would run back to each other. 

I don't want the games we play when we were 5, and when we were 13 and even when we are 21. 

I want a simple song where we sing it as it is. Raw and true. 

I don't want mind games, literal interpretation, symbols, author's intention. 

I want to work. Hard. To know it's working, as long as I work hard for it. 

I want alive. Not a lie. 

I want you where you belong. Inside my arms. 

I want our dome to be our shelter, I want it to be a place where we can find a way, where we grow and stay alive and together. 

I want us striped of our fears, our secrets, our hardness, standing bare in front of what we can give, what we are willing to give and what we would give and always give to always choose each other. 

I'll be your winter song and you'll be my summer day. 

Where my demons hide

Some I love remind me of reckless drivers. They crave the exhilaration, the moment. They have the courage but an equally fragile heart. And when they crash, I can't tell if they lose more pieces of their heart or I lose more faith . 

Halfpast12musings

I think we all have sadness in our souls. The place that opens when the lights are off and you stare into a familiar pitch dark view, just like when you close your eyes. 

I once have a friend who told me he can't sleep with the lights off. He needs to see light. He needs to see what is around him. He needs to be present. I remember sipping my coffee, swallowing the question. What do you see then, when you close your eyes? 

Most people don't like to be reminded of their fears, the little clues of insecurities they let on are not blankets you pushed off when you no longer seek warmth. They are the ones that seek to cover as you let the floodgates open. 

Everything at once

"The last thing i remembered from then was the dull ache at the back of my head, shooting straight down the nerves of my  neck. The catch i tried to hold off my throat so it wouldn't tighten. So the tears wouldn't well. 

Fall. I try to sink into the darkness of my anger so I don't cry in frustration but the tears fall anyway. "

Mid February

February had me seeing 2 wonderful movies. Her and The book thief. Both so incredibly heartbreaking and wrenches all the sadness and ache in your heart. I feel like I'm simultaneously reminded of my need for a pure and innocent love across the reality of love now and possibly in the future. 

This reminds me to get a copy of The book thief. Anyway, I just want to be thankful for how life seems to be picking up slightly. School work is slowly drowning me as I try to fit revision into the projects and assignmenents and meeting up with the girls. 

Now there is no perfect day except for one whereby I can spent the entire morning in bed, tucked and enveloped by my covers while scrolling on my phone. The later part of the afternoon would be either having coffee and cakes with my girls or studying in the library with Odelia and at night would see me having dinner with my family and watching some programmes before going to bed. That's how a perfect day sounds like. 

Ps: can't believe I typed a whole lot of words about how thankful I am during my birthday and it just got deleted. So annoyed :( 

Tired

So tired from school and from the problems that I might have indirectly caused.... Sigh... Sometimes it's better to know nothing. You might feel like you are doing something right but there are really many unknown permutations of things that could happen and unknowingly you hurt others. I don't know... I hate knowing I might have caused people trouble just because I did something wrong accidentally. 

Days like these I can't be bothered to think about the things I can be thankful for. 

5th February 2014

Blessed

That's how turning 21 feels like.