Someone who would never let go of your hands

And if I open my heart again, I guess I'm hoping you'd be there for me in the end.

Unfortunately there are times where the truth makes everything seems like a lie.

Blues

I hate people who slowly egg their way into my life and make me reliant on them.

"I love you with so much of my heart that none is left to protest."

William Shakespeare, Much Ado About Nothing

L

I cried while reading the first real conversation Katniss and Peeta had after District 13 rescued him from the Capitol.

It's too real. The pain of having someone who loved you so much he managed to see past your flaws yet eventually realizing how terribly flawed you are. It striked me that I am afraid if I were to love someone he would do that to me. He would eventually see how truly horrible I am, how I am unworthy of love.

Weakness. That's what love is. Being weak. Having a weakness. leaving yourself unguarded, vulnerable and open to hurt.

"I must have loved you a lot."
"You did." My throat catches and I pretend to cough.
"And did you love me?" he asks.
I kept my eyes on the tiled floor. "Everyone says I did. Everyone says that's why Snow had you tortured. To break me."
"That's not an answer." he tells me.

It takes a long time before I get to the bottom of why I'm so upset. When I do, it's almost too mortifying to admit. All those months of taking it for granted that Peeta thought I was wonderful are over. Finally he can see me for who I really am. Violent. Distrustful. Manipulative. Deadly.
And I hate him for it.

MockingJay, Suzzane Collins

The hunger games

He pulls away first and gives me a wry smile. "I knew you'd kiss me."
"How?" I say. Because I didn't know myself.
"Because I'm in pain," he says. "That's the only way I get your attention."

Yes

"You love me. Real or not real? "
"Real."

"You could live a hundred lifetimes and not deserve him, you know."

If you put your ear to her wrist you would hear her heart.

May the odds be ever in your favor

I want to have faith.
I must have faith.

Nothing like you and i

You know how some people would promise to love you forever. I wouldn't want or expect you to do that. I want you to love me forever because you can't help it, because you love me with so much of your heart there is nothing substantial left for anyone.

The sort of love that bring tears to the back of your eyes when you think of it. The sort of love that makes you have a catch in your throat when you remember me. The sort of love that makes me want to fall asleep and wake up knowing I'm enveloped in your love regardless of your presence.

I wouldn't demand to be your world. But I would be, I wouldn't have to ask but I would be. That's what I want, a requited, mutual love and existence.




" As if the man who once upon a time had been a boy who promised he'd never fall in love with another girl as long as he lived kept his promise, it wasn't because he was stubborn or even loyal. He couldn't help it."

I wish for you

We would watch the Northern lights together while I snuggled against you.

Our bodies like magnets, like fitted puzzles, like moth and fires. Because I want to believe there is one person out there for me and I want to know that when I see you, I know that the one i'm looking for is you. And nothing else in the past would matter.

Rusted Willowed and Dissolved

“
My heart is so small
it’s almost invisible.
How can You place
such big sorrows in it?

“Look,” He answered,
“your eyes are even smaller,
yet they behold the world."



Rumi, My heart is so small ; translated by Maryam Mafi and Azima Mellita Kolin

It would help if I'm angry with you. But I am not. I am angry with myself.

And that makes a whole lot of difference.

Just ended a call with a really nasty person. Just when I was about to explode I suddenly find this whole situation funny and ridiculous. I mean that's what she wants right. Me to flare up and get me into trouble.
Not to mention, I have good control of my emotions. I will not be coerced to flare up and lose control of my temper. Good job Jocelyn!

You were once in my rear view mirror.

I need to embrace the future. But it sucks that some people exist just to make you remember the past.

I must be strong.
I must be strong.
I must be strong.

My dad told me people work their ass off for things they want especially if they are hungry for success.

I'm not hungry. I wonder If I ever was hungry.

Right now all I feel is how I've been floating by and rowing randomly as and when I like.

I feel like if I were a casino game, I would never win. I'm playing against the banker. And the player never wins. The banker always does.

I wonder how it feels like to be like gold. To feel like gold. When I flip I coin, I would call heads and it would be heads. The entire universe would conspire with me to succeed. I can never lose.

But that's not me. I never win.
I always lose.