Met jia yi and sharon and we took bus to school today. the bus is so cramped and like the roads are so jammed and the bus is soooo slow! i have this bad feeling that i'll be like late. so i think i should just wake up early and like have breakfast there or study there. hahah. i know i sound like a nerd right. thats my aim No 2! my aim No 1 is to just not retain. aim No 2 is to be a nerd. but like if i dont want to retain i should be like a nerd first? hahah. okay. anyway, i'm thinking of joining drama club but like i feel i'm not that cut out for it. cause like i'm probably slightly dramatic and just a tweeny bit bimbotic, but like it does not mean i can actually act in front of an audience or during auditions. maybe i should join like something else instead...
anyway, as i was sitting in the bus today i felt so sad as i was smsing shi. i can't believe i was glad of leaving tk. like its the only place i want to be in. i miss like being with shi and ju and cheryl and amanda and carina and emmm. ): i miss zing tooooo! i actually love to hug you! like i dont exactly love hugs but i love hugging you.
nevertheless, i'm in mj now. i cant be a coward and like just keep to myself. BE SPONTANEOUS! make friends, bond! i can do it. & i hope i dont blush! like i suddenly keep getting red neck and ears?! and like i must talk to whoever i sit beside tmr. i talked to this girl called josie from st nics. shes nice and like mature type. i must be like her. mature, not bimbo. yes. no screaming and jumping excitedly and like talking like a bimbo. i can do it!
okay, wish me luck! i need it alot tmr.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
confession
On monday, i
walked from downtown east to white sands with sharon and aborted our plan to go to wild wild wet.
we
were wearing fbts and class t shirts and i felt like sleeping.
had lunch at swensens and talked and i drank so much water i'm amazed!
walked and walked for delicious watermelon balls but it was closed ):
so we took loop bus rides all over tampines and talked and talked.
enjoyed good toast tgt and had very tired+aching feet at the end of the day.
we should take bus rides more often sharon! long long loop ones!
& i love spending time with you! its always fun, comfortable and utterly amazing(awwww!)
Today, i
met renice and we took a long train ride form eunos to jurong east.
we
talked and ate macs and gossiped and talked and bought tickets to sci centre and snow city.
witnessed 'forever'
took pictures with a super muscular man! and look bodyless due to some eye tricks.
expeerienced lots of futuristic stuff which make us ponder on whether technology really makes things less enjoyable.
witnessed man made lightning which was so defeaning.
enjoyed ourselves most at the sounds hall where we saw cute 'dancing' metal stuff which danced to the different beats of the music.
bought mood cards which can acutally tell us if we're in love & if the guy is the right one. (GASPS!)
fell down at snow city and laughed while we slide down in rubber tyres.
throw ice over our heads and pretend like it was snowing and
were awed by the fact that there was misty air whenever we talked.
stood throughout the long train ride back and
i'm a little sad to know that it will probably be a long time before we meet up and talk. i love you so much renice! i hope your chuck will appear and he can make you happy cause thats what you deserve. love you forever.
Tomorrow,
i'll finally know if i get into mj and pray that i do. and enjoy myself for like the last time .
i'm getting very nervous about orientation day and like everything but thats if i get into mj.
i should sleep now. yes. dont worry so much jocee!!! you will get in!
who knows? maybe one day we'll be perfect for each other.
walked from downtown east to white sands with sharon and aborted our plan to go to wild wild wet.
we
were wearing fbts and class t shirts and i felt like sleeping.
had lunch at swensens and talked and i drank so much water i'm amazed!
walked and walked for delicious watermelon balls but it was closed ):
so we took loop bus rides all over tampines and talked and talked.
enjoyed good toast tgt and had very tired+aching feet at the end of the day.
we should take bus rides more often sharon! long long loop ones!
& i love spending time with you! its always fun, comfortable and utterly amazing(awwww!)
Today, i
met renice and we took a long train ride form eunos to jurong east.
we
talked and ate macs and gossiped and talked and bought tickets to sci centre and snow city.
witnessed 'forever'
took pictures with a super muscular man! and look bodyless due to some eye tricks.
expeerienced lots of futuristic stuff which make us ponder on whether technology really makes things less enjoyable.
witnessed man made lightning which was so defeaning.
enjoyed ourselves most at the sounds hall where we saw cute 'dancing' metal stuff which danced to the different beats of the music.
bought mood cards which can acutally tell us if we're in love & if the guy is the right one. (GASPS!)
fell down at snow city and laughed while we slide down in rubber tyres.
throw ice over our heads and pretend like it was snowing and
were awed by the fact that there was misty air whenever we talked.
stood throughout the long train ride back and
i'm a little sad to know that it will probably be a long time before we meet up and talk. i love you so much renice! i hope your chuck will appear and he can make you happy cause thats what you deserve. love you forever.
Tomorrow,
i'll finally know if i get into mj and pray that i do. and enjoy myself for like the last time .
i'm getting very nervous about orientation day and like everything but thats if i get into mj.
i should sleep now. yes. dont worry so much jocee!!! you will get in!
who knows? maybe one day we'll be perfect for each other.
Friday, January 22, 2010
dangerous
I had my first facial today and i can tell you its sooo painful i teared after it was done. like that kind of in pain tears or smth? But i'm hoping my skin will be better tmr and like for as long as it can last.
School is starting next week and i've yet to get my bag and shoes and everything! i'm so excited and everything, but i can get into mj right. like i should be in. i must be in. if not i'll just faint or smth.
i'm like super high now i don't exactly know why!!! okay. monday i'm eating steamboat with sharon and zing i'm sooooo excitedddd!!!! and tues snow city and sci centre with renice! yayyy! i miss her so much. plusss we will have to catch up soon or after school starts we'll be busy like hell. and wed with the 10 of us. i want to sing chinese new year song with amanda! like everytime i hear chinese new year songs on the radio i will think of the times where we would sing in class.like when its national day we'll sing national day songs.
i've so little time left to do what i want but i guess i've to make use of whatever i have. anyway, i'm meeting cheryl tmr. she better buy smth from thailand for meeeee or i will call her chou bu la ji xiang gu tou! hahahah.
byeeeeee!
School is starting next week and i've yet to get my bag and shoes and everything! i'm so excited and everything, but i can get into mj right. like i should be in. i must be in. if not i'll just faint or smth.
i'm like super high now i don't exactly know why!!! okay. monday i'm eating steamboat with sharon and zing i'm sooooo excitedddd!!!! and tues snow city and sci centre with renice! yayyy! i miss her so much. plusss we will have to catch up soon or after school starts we'll be busy like hell. and wed with the 10 of us. i want to sing chinese new year song with amanda! like everytime i hear chinese new year songs on the radio i will think of the times where we would sing in class.like when its national day we'll sing national day songs.
i've so little time left to do what i want but i guess i've to make use of whatever i have. anyway, i'm meeting cheryl tmr. she better buy smth from thailand for meeeee or i will call her chou bu la ji xiang gu tou! hahahah.
byeeeeee!
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
too good to last
This week would finally be my last week to work! i'm so glad that i don't have to fry donuts and pack breads and walk home with blisters and aching toes. And not to mention smelling like bread.
But after all i guess i learnt alot. i can't wait for jc life to start. well thats if i get into mj, which i will. i must believe. i hope i can start everything anew. change my attitude towards my studies and finally decide on my future job.
Today i went back to cz to pick amanda up from school and i realise i've alrdy stop thinking about the days i used to spend in cz. of course i remember the friends and the memories i had there. But i guess i've let go of it. i think we would never know whether we let go unless we really see the person/face the thing we've to put behind.
i've thought i'm always hanging on but somehow just seeing someone i used to think meant so much to me turn out to be so normal. i guess in love, i've always expected fireworks, the quicken hearbeats but still a flush happiness and excitement in my heart. But i guess some things dont work that way.
i'm surprised to find some realistic in me. i thought i was always too idealistic, too hopeful. but i guess its for the best.
In 2010, i think i've learn to move on. its a start. but of course i will remember the past. But i will never let it pull me back. instead, i will be the one who would still constantly look back and smile at the memories that once touched me.
I could say i'm relived i guess.
17. so young but i guess i'm actually maturing!
But after all i guess i learnt alot. i can't wait for jc life to start. well thats if i get into mj, which i will. i must believe. i hope i can start everything anew. change my attitude towards my studies and finally decide on my future job.
Today i went back to cz to pick amanda up from school and i realise i've alrdy stop thinking about the days i used to spend in cz. of course i remember the friends and the memories i had there. But i guess i've let go of it. i think we would never know whether we let go unless we really see the person/face the thing we've to put behind.
i've thought i'm always hanging on but somehow just seeing someone i used to think meant so much to me turn out to be so normal. i guess in love, i've always expected fireworks, the quicken hearbeats but still a flush happiness and excitement in my heart. But i guess some things dont work that way.
i'm surprised to find some realistic in me. i thought i was always too idealistic, too hopeful. but i guess its for the best.
In 2010, i think i've learn to move on. its a start. but of course i will remember the past. But i will never let it pull me back. instead, i will be the one who would still constantly look back and smile at the memories that once touched me.
I could say i'm relived i guess.
17. so young but i guess i'm actually maturing!
Thursday, January 14, 2010
just when you thought you knew what you wanted
i thought i wanted mj. i did. i swear i wanted it so badly. till i realise so many people i dont ever want to see in my whole freaking life is going there too.
i thought this could be a new start. i could leave my past behind. i could forget and move on. But now, i'm held back. by who i used to be. by everything that used to mean so much to me.
four years.
just when i thought i had everything properly mapped out. everything nicely planned, things have to change.
i'm so confused now.
I'm not going to worry. everything is going to turn out fine.
i'm going to be okay.
But the thought of starting school is horrible. without cheryl nonsense, without shi and ju so close by. without amanda and zq and carina and emm. sigh. at least i have ode! hahah.
I'm going to make it work. make mj work. make everything change.
I CAN DO IT!!!
i thought this could be a new start. i could leave my past behind. i could forget and move on. But now, i'm held back. by who i used to be. by everything that used to mean so much to me.
four years.
just when i thought i had everything properly mapped out. everything nicely planned, things have to change.
i'm so confused now.
I'm not going to worry. everything is going to turn out fine.
i'm going to be okay.
But the thought of starting school is horrible. without cheryl nonsense, without shi and ju so close by. without amanda and zq and carina and emm. sigh. at least i have ode! hahah.
I'm going to make it work. make mj work. make everything change.
I CAN DO IT!!!
Monday, January 11, 2010
11
i couldn't say i'm satisfied. But i'm just glad and contented cause i think i can end up in mj? thats all i asked for at first. of course i want more. But how much more can i ask for when i've had it all?
i will miss tk the most. i've always seen it as a place where i would just pass my secondary days but i fell in love with the green uniform, the enthusiatic cheeers, the loud screams, the support and i've made great friends there i hope i can take with me for life. i've learn and mature and become a much better person. i will miss everyone and everything in tk the most.
i've memories to keep me grinning till i'm old and wrinkled.
and now, moving on, i hope to go into mj, and thank god i'll be with sharon again. thats like the 2nd thing i hope for. i guess we're stuck tgt for life sharon!
i've everything i hoped for. thank you to everyone who helped make it come true. and i think wishing under the shiniest star in the sky works. well, at least princess and the frog doesnt lie!
Note: improve on my english. see i should have read more story books lah!
i will miss tk the most. i've always seen it as a place where i would just pass my secondary days but i fell in love with the green uniform, the enthusiatic cheeers, the loud screams, the support and i've made great friends there i hope i can take with me for life. i've learn and mature and become a much better person. i will miss everyone and everything in tk the most.
i've memories to keep me grinning till i'm old and wrinkled.
and now, moving on, i hope to go into mj, and thank god i'll be with sharon again. thats like the 2nd thing i hope for. i guess we're stuck tgt for life sharon!
i've everything i hoped for. thank you to everyone who helped make it come true. and i think wishing under the shiniest star in the sky works. well, at least princess and the frog doesnt lie!
Note: improve on my english. see i should have read more story books lah!
Sunday, January 10, 2010
its all about the climb
Its about slightly more than 3 hours before i know my results. i'm not going to freak out and just give up or whatever. if i do badly, i will pick myself up. learn and work harder. after all this is a journey, not a final destination. i believe i will do better the next time if i work harder and not give up.
mummy say have positive thoughts and positive things will come to you. i'm having positive thoughts now. i believe in myself and my abilities. this is nothing but one of the minor challenges in life. whatever happens i must not give up. i must stay strong. i must believe in myself.
for all it was worth, i've tried my best.
i'm not one who will let a small matter take me away from my dreams and ambitions. No matter what happens, i'm proud of myself.
I can do it.
mummy say have positive thoughts and positive things will come to you. i'm having positive thoughts now. i believe in myself and my abilities. this is nothing but one of the minor challenges in life. whatever happens i must not give up. i must stay strong. i must believe in myself.
for all it was worth, i've tried my best.
i'm not one who will let a small matter take me away from my dreams and ambitions. No matter what happens, i'm proud of myself.
I can do it.
loser? or winner?
I"M LIKE SO SO SO SO NERVOUS.
i've figured it out. if i can't get into mj, its okay. i will just start from scratch and like totally study hard for a levles/ whatever poly course i take.
its not going to be the end of the world.
if i get into mj, i will work as hard to make sure i deserve to be there and make sure i get good a levles results.
Whatever happens is alrdy destined. i must must just accept whatever happens.
Believe Believe Believe in yourself jocelyn!
stay strong no matter what happens cause you've everyone you love all there for you.
sigh, i'm like so damn scared now! i think i will just visualize whatever that will happen and cry myself to sleep.
i hope i come back tmr with good news.
i've figured it out. if i can't get into mj, its okay. i will just start from scratch and like totally study hard for a levles/ whatever poly course i take.
its not going to be the end of the world.
if i get into mj, i will work as hard to make sure i deserve to be there and make sure i get good a levles results.
Whatever happens is alrdy destined. i must must just accept whatever happens.
Believe Believe Believe in yourself jocelyn!
stay strong no matter what happens cause you've everyone you love all there for you.
sigh, i'm like so damn scared now! i think i will just visualize whatever that will happen and cry myself to sleep.
i hope i come back tmr with good news.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
fly away
i really like this photo i took at marina barrage on wed. sharon and i talked and drink and enjoyed the wind and lying down on the mat and staring at the sky. i think i will miss this freedom and relaxing holiday the most when school reopens. i'm going to do well, i have confidence in myself! i can do it!!!! i must not think negatively!
anyway i went to tp open house today with sharon and i saw my no 1 enemy. the big size guy (if u heard me complaining before you will know who is it)! i was like omg sharon i freaking cannot believe this and i grabbed her hand. and she was like what what and shes like super scared/worried until she realise its our common enemy!and shes like chey. i was like why cant u see the big mountain in front of us?!okay, enough comic relief. i'm super excited for the bbq tmr!
bye!
Renice, i miss you too! we've to go snow city before school reopens! i love talking to you too, you're the best. love you and super good luck on monday!!!
Monday, January 4, 2010
Red Hearts
i miss tkgs.
i miss going back to school on jan has been like a tradition for 10 years. it feels really weird seeing people in uniforms and walking about with their friends. & i can't remember what i did after the first day of school last year.
suddenly i miss wearing our school uniform and the canteen food and class breaks where we would gather around and talk. i miss times where shi will bully amanda or bully me and amanda will help me out. i miss miss yeo funny lessons and her life "teachings". i miss being so afraid and making sure i do every physics homework properly. i miss cheryl pleading me to go to the teacher locker with her and carrying heavy physics file. i miss morning assembly with ju right behind me and i even miss the prefect who will always tell me to pull up my socks, and i will tell ju i'm so tired of people telling me to pull up my socks(like i take it in the sense that i'm not working hard enough). i miss after school physics lessons with mr seah and bus rides home with cheryl and going for late lunch afterwards at kfc. i miss bus rides home with sharon where we would talk and plan about our days after o levels.
suddenly, everything seems to be over so quickly. suddenly, it seems like i'm slowly losing everything i use to have. just like when i was in sec 1 and when i went back to cz feeling like all of us are still so close but we've slowly grown apart.
suddenly i'm scared. of losing all i have. maybe i didnt cherish what i had before. maybe i took everything for granted. maybe nothing is meant to last forever.
Now, i'm going to turn 17 in about exactly a month time. i'm going to take my results and go to wherever i'm going depends on my results. i feel like this 2 months or the past year have pass to fast. i'm hoping everything will come to a stop, or go back to the time when i was happier when i knew lesser and felt more.
But i've realised life is a race. And i'm always seeing everyone that matter run too far ahead of me, moving on, living the new life. maybe i should be like them, learn to let it go. learn to run ahead and probably meet newer runners in the race.
Suddenly, i'm tired. tired of running forever. tired that everytime i'm used to something, things change and i'm thrown into an entirely differnt situation and i'm expected to get used to it.
But maybe, just maybe this time its different. maybe this time i will have what i thought used to exist.
forever
i miss going back to school on jan has been like a tradition for 10 years. it feels really weird seeing people in uniforms and walking about with their friends. & i can't remember what i did after the first day of school last year.
suddenly i miss wearing our school uniform and the canteen food and class breaks where we would gather around and talk. i miss times where shi will bully amanda or bully me and amanda will help me out. i miss miss yeo funny lessons and her life "teachings". i miss being so afraid and making sure i do every physics homework properly. i miss cheryl pleading me to go to the teacher locker with her and carrying heavy physics file. i miss morning assembly with ju right behind me and i even miss the prefect who will always tell me to pull up my socks, and i will tell ju i'm so tired of people telling me to pull up my socks(like i take it in the sense that i'm not working hard enough). i miss after school physics lessons with mr seah and bus rides home with cheryl and going for late lunch afterwards at kfc. i miss bus rides home with sharon where we would talk and plan about our days after o levels.
suddenly, everything seems to be over so quickly. suddenly, it seems like i'm slowly losing everything i use to have. just like when i was in sec 1 and when i went back to cz feeling like all of us are still so close but we've slowly grown apart.
suddenly i'm scared. of losing all i have. maybe i didnt cherish what i had before. maybe i took everything for granted. maybe nothing is meant to last forever.
Now, i'm going to turn 17 in about exactly a month time. i'm going to take my results and go to wherever i'm going depends on my results. i feel like this 2 months or the past year have pass to fast. i'm hoping everything will come to a stop, or go back to the time when i was happier when i knew lesser and felt more.
But i've realised life is a race. And i'm always seeing everyone that matter run too far ahead of me, moving on, living the new life. maybe i should be like them, learn to let it go. learn to run ahead and probably meet newer runners in the race.
Suddenly, i'm tired. tired of running forever. tired that everytime i'm used to something, things change and i'm thrown into an entirely differnt situation and i'm expected to get used to it.
But maybe, just maybe this time its different. maybe this time i will have what i thought used to exist.
forever
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