Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead

It has been a long day and sometimes at work I'm so immersed I don't even notice the time. My colleague was telling me to loosen up and smile, take things easy. I remembered the last time someone told me that, my favorite teacher when I was in sec two. She was wonderful really, she made me fall in love with literature and change my view on classic novels. I used to think nothing beats the latest fiction but she showed me the deeper meaning in reading and that is one of the best gift I've ever received.

Sometimes people ask what do you want, as If the answer could somehow bring you what you want, as if they could provide the answer, give me exactly what I want. But that's never the case. No one just want one thing. Everyone wants more than one thing, probably everything. So I don't see why people should ask if they can't give me what I want.

I've been trying to test out different ways to live life and currently I think I'm walking on a path I'm comfortable with. Which reminds me of the time ju , Sharon and I discussed what we expect to have in our life in our late twenties and thirties. Consciously I will wonder if I purposely leave out the things I can't have/don't have now so I wouldn't face disappointment in the future. But I believe I'm not. I believe in what I say is in tangent to what I really want and expect. I realize how my feeling of insufficiency arise from my concrete lack of achievements. I want something to prove my worth, something I can say I have worked hard for and truly deserve the rewards. I want success. I don't believe that's wrong to say it out. Saying I want to have money, power and fame is not materialistic, it's realistic. I know all these can't make you happy but they in some way affect how you would e happy in various aspects.

Even so, I refuse to admit I'm stunted. Recently, someone told me certain stuff she went through has made her look at couples and say to herself how it wouldn't last. I guess that's pretty stunted but it's not unfounded. I understand behind anyone who don't take love seriously is someone who once took love seriously and things did not went the right way. Yes, maybe they should have sucked it up and believe that love is out there and shit but certain things impact people in a way we can't imagine and measure. So I will no longer judge a flirt and say see la, you guys always flirt around one. Maybe they were hurt before or maybe they are just natural flirts or genetically incapable to commit, who knows and seriously who cares? We cant judge people who treats love in a different way from us, it's their choice and their life.

I guess I can start uni life healthily with this mindset. Recognize people as who they are and if they are not compatible with my personality, remain in cordial terms and accept them for who they are. I remember reading somewhere that i may not be perfect but I'm exactly the way god intended me to be. Though I seriously doubt that case applies for every human being, but yeah. Why be so hard on yourself and others? Why strive to change yourself when you are what you are, if people can't deal with it, sorry goodbye then. It's so simple and yet so hard to achieve. But I believe I can. I want to be a people's person, everyone's friend.

Well besides this thought, I've been playing someone like you over in my head. I can't seem to shake off the phrase "sometimes it last in love but sometimes it hurts instead." it's so undeniably true. Oh, and I've been trying to figure out the answer to this question, If you are a pizza topping, what topping would you be? Maybe I'm trying to hard to be the most unique topping, maybe I could be the crust that holds everything together, but then I wouldn't be a topping.... Whatever, I'm sleepy now. Goodnight world!