Light;Fuel

Met Cheryl for lunch today, it was short, but I needed it.
I've felt pretty out of touch after being in camp for a couple of days. It should be nothing, really. I had fun. I guess I'm just uncertain about where life goes from here, whether I'm ready, whether I made the right decision.
Sometimes I beat myself up for not appealing to fass. It would have been much better there, I've people I trust and love there. Now, I've to start over, try and maybe not get what i have now. But it's okay, I have to step out of my comfort zone. I can do it.
I'm stepping lightly on optimism these days, looking at the bright side, seeing life through cleaner lenses, searching for something worth being happy about and it's good cos I can always find it.
I'm trying to take things easy, to not be so tensed up, it's working. Sometimes I see myself consciously pushing people I don't want in my life away. I know I'm selfish, I can't help but think for myself.
I'm suddenly reminded of someone saying I'm innocent. I think I am not. I know stuff, yes I may not know all the deep dark stuff of the world but I'm not ignorant, not inexperienced, not a virgin to the world of experiences. Innocent sounds...lowly. Like I'm stupid or timid.
But all is good. I need to throw away careless words that would bring me down. It's strange how words can mean two different meanings to different people. You could have meant it in a positive sense but I chose to see it in a negative point of view. I guess that's why we have to be really really specific when we phrase our words together.
I'm still exhausted. I should catch up on some sleep. Goodnight.