I have everything

Your post really got me thinking about myself. I try to stand outside the circle of me and circle about myself.

I no longer want or need somebody to understand me. Nobody ever could achieve that with anyone else. I accept your inability to grasp onto any part of me. But I guess what really got to me was how I can tell you see me as a disappointment. I am not. I'm cynical but I still love, I act tough and all knowing but I survive, I am selfish but I give. It's not that I don't let on much, I do. I gave you so many many opportunities to understand me but all you can say its hard and you are trying. You are not. You just want to change me into something you feel would be better. More optimistic, more accepting of love. I can't, won't and refuse to change for anyone. Call me stubborn but that's the way I want to live my life. I don't need anyone who can't see how wonderful I am, how I'm trying to survive and be as strong as I can, how I'm trying hard to be positive, optimistic and hopeful. I know the best way to live, and if our ideas clash it doesn't mean we have to change. We just need someone who complements our ideas or someone who accepts.

I guess it wasn't only me who was disappointed. You were. But don't you see, If I were to see myself as a disappointment, would I still need another person in my life who see me as one? No, I don't, not when I'm fighting to be a better person everyday. It's mutual, just that you have already disappointed me to a point where your presence is a constant irritant and reminder of how others see me as a failure.