I'm feeling the anxiety I felt last year. I don't know why I have to over-think and over-analyze everything. It was ok until I've certain doubts creeping in then everything just blew up when w asked me if I wanted to be his girlfriend. This just freaks the hell out of me. I mean I don't have to freak out right. I can just say no and life goes on and shit but I've to just freak out and pour out all the doubts and unhappiness I've inside me. I hate that. Okay, so after things turned ugly and shit happened I got over it easily and just peg it as a case of me making the right judgement and not that I've commitment issues. Ok, so today after my tea date with Lynette and Amelia which went wonderful btw. I just had to have my afternoon ruined by a seemingly suspicious message. Okay, it's not like he asked me to be his girlfriend la, but I have this nagging feeling that I think he likes me. Ok, maybe I'm being too conceited and thinking too highly of myself but at that moment I feel suffocated. Like somebody took my windpipe and wring it tightly in his palm and refuse to let go. It's so horrible. I don't want someone I don't like to like me. I know it sounds stupid but I feel suffocated by strange affections I am unfamiliar with. I feel like I'm expected to give something I'm absolutely incapable and unwilling to give at the moment. Ok, fine, maybe it's due to my lack of dating experience and people that likes me. I just feel so scared when someone do and I don't. I feel like running away. I feel like I need to free my goddamned windpipe and run as fast as my legs could carry me. I hate that. I hate that I want love, I want to love and be loved but I can't seem to. Ok, maybe it's cos it's not the one. But no one ever knows who is the one right? Fuck. I'm so upset now. And I'm upset that I'm upset over something that is not confirmed. Ugh... I have issues. I seriously have issues. And I really hope I can tell this to someone who would understand but I know my friends are going to say I'm too uptight and anxious. Yes I am but I'm made that way. I'm made to worry over small things and being uptight and high strung. It's so fustrating:(