Met Shiu Heng and odelia for dinner after work and we had a really amazing meal. Conversations flowing slowly, unpretentious and naturally. As Shiu Heng and I walked to the bus interchange we discussed our opinion on what love means to us. And I told him how i see an end of a relationship as a failure of some sort, something I chose but failed to see through to the end and how I'm scared of being hurt and going into anything uncertain. He told me how I don't have to be scared, that if it ended it merely means that god meant for it to end and it's not meant to be mine. The funny thing is how he's a free thinker but believes in god and when I asked him about it he says it with a conviction that I believe too. That somewhere god exists and even though you may not be given things that you want, you are always grace with things you need and things that made your life extra meaningful. I remember a phrase that say let go and let god. I'm not a Christian, but I believe in the existence of god, whether it's my religion version of god or the different religion version of god, in some way or another god exist. And hearing that from Shiu Heng brought me comfort because his belief was without frills or facade, it is conviction and faith.
Many times I see myself stepping back when I'm faced with a decision on whether to move forward or back off as fast as I can. I realized now that it doesn't matter, even if I were to try my hardest to change and make things work it would never bring me what I seek unless I put down my fears and open up my heart. I don't think it's about me trying to change or consciously doing things I would not usually do, neither is it me waiting for someone to save me from myself. I just need time to slowly walk out of this self imposed prison and become stronger and more courageous.
"Love comes in many different forms. You don't need to be with someone to be happy."
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