Fuck

It was so bad. Zing went in earlier and we were surprised cos her flight wasn't until later and the luggages were all settled. We didn't get to talk much cos she had so many friends there and we only hugged and took photos. When she went in my tears just couldn't be held in. And Sharon was like it's okay she will be back and all and I told her its not the same and I said I don't know what to do when Cheryl leaves too. 

It was the same suffocation i felt the time I was rushing home when mummy tell me ye ye was really leaving us. The choking and the tears and the sadness that changes the position of your heart. It twist and wrung your hope dry. 

After leaving the airport for dinner with daddy and mummy who picked me up. I bravely said I didn't cry. That no, I'm not that sentimental sort. Luckily zing called me later when I wasn't with them and she eased everything off with talks and promises on how everything will be constant. That nothing will change and I believe that. And I hold that with me for not only my friendship with her, but with Cheryl and everyone I love. That what we have is constant, it is real, it doesn't rust or change with time. I remember a spoken word poetry once I heard and the poet was talking about how if it is real, if the love is real, it would show with time, it is steadfast and it will be different from the false love life presents us with. 

I am tired and hopeful at the same time. But the idea of next Saturday, at the airport and seeing one of the most important person in my life go to chase a life I know she will revel in. The only sadness that comes is the thought that it isn't her leaving, it isn't me being left behind. It is the Constant, surrounded with hope with change lurking slyly around.