I'm on the train, the air is slightly chilly because of the rain last night, the floors are wet, everything is touched with water and it all seems so quiet, so washed and clean.
It seems appropriate to listen to Mike Reid's version of To make you feel my love now.
At times like this, I feel like crumbling into a messy pile and have someone scoop me up and let me lean on his shoulder while whispering To make you feel my love to me. All this while I'm looking for coincidence, that spark of fate, the initial rhythm of the people who are compatible. But now I know, I just need someone who has a shoulder I can lean on when I need support, someone I can be quiet with when I'm tired of things, someone who understand my struggles and quietly back me up, someone who will watch poetry videos with me so they understand a little of the people who are broken and in repair, someone who is a hardworking, because of all things I'm sure of I know everything just takes all the effort in the world. No 80%, give me 100%, someone who would never give up, who would try and try and give and give because I need to know that there's someone out there like that, because I need to regain my faith and I want to give just as much and work just as hard.
But all I have right now is myself, it's okay, I will walk the earth knowing someday I might find someone I want, or someone entirely different but gives me just the thing I need, but till then, I will lie down instead of lie on your shoulders, I will square my shoulders and bite on my lips while taking deep breathes so i can fill up my lungs with air instead of the tears I feel on my throat, I will eat different flavors of ice cream everyday, read love poems, read the news, I will wait. I will search, and I will find someone eventually.
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