Nothing

12.36
I'm lying on my bed, watching videos of poetry slams, wishing I was there live, crying my hearts out while I hear every word they say because they understand. Understand what one can feel in the middle of the night, understand the ache one can have beyond ones' own understanding, understand ones' sadness when one should be happy. understand what I can't explain.
I cry when their words resonates in my heart, cry when I hear the choke or pause in their throat because they are brought back to their past, cry because it hurts, it hurts to know that so many people out there have hurt like me.
1242
At this moment I realize how badly I need to call someone so I wouldn't feel so lonely, how I need someone to hold me as I weep for something I don't understand, someone who can understand what I feel. But there's no such person out there. No such person I could totally trust and lean on. My sadness is unexplainable. What I can't say or understand myself shows how much I don't even know about myself. I said how you don't know me but do I know myself? I don't.
1245
Besides the infinite differences I could list out between us. The only thing that striked me is if you were to say the time, you wouldn't have said it's 1246, you'd have said 0046 and that says everything to me. I don't know how but it does.
I feel very tired. And all I know now is I don't need someone to see me, to fix me, to save me. I need to forget. I need to forget. I need to forget.