I hate having to plan my evenings around you

Could time matter differently to two separate beings?

I felt like every second on the phone with you was an utter waste of time. I didn't know what to say, you said what you could think of but the gaps of silent was insistent and nagging.
I hate how I can't understand what you were saying half the time, I hate how I have nothing significant to tell you over the phone, I hate how every minute is so precious to you but it doesn't seem nearly as important if it was mine.
I told you you didn't have to call but you always have an excuse. I am sure how i feel. Each day I'm able to control, tell, analyze my feelings more delicately and precisely. But you can't. I think you can't.
How I see it: after 1030, everything seems to stand still for you, but after 1030 everything goes on for me, I hate to have to worry about what I think you are feeling. I hate how we are not balanced or on the same page. I hate how I can't tell you things I think about, things I worry about because I can't. I hate how you can't remember what you wanted to tell me because I want you to make a mistake so I can grab hold of it, hold it against you, use it to my advantage, dissolve my guilt with self preservation.
I hate myself, I hate how I can't tell anyone what i think about. I tried, but after I typed it out, it's so small. My problems, my worries, my everything is so useless, so unworthy, so pointless.

I hate how up till now, I can't tell what I want. I hate how I don't know. Don't know everything I want to know.

I am so tired.
I want to fix myself but I can't and I can't let anyone do it. Can I walk around with pieces missing, missed and mistreated? Can I look whole when I'm missing? Can I be me if I'm not me, but what is left of me?

I'm sleeping. Things get too hard when I'm not.