Recess

I do often wonder at times when I'm bored and alone, what you are doing at this exact moment. What you are like, what interests you, what you like to spend most of your time doing and what you think of when you have nothing to do. I wonder if you think I'm weird, writing to you like this, when I haven't met you. I wonder if you understand why a part of me wants to do so and why I need to write these moments down for you. Maybe when you've met me, I would have already been slightly different from who I am now, at this right exact moment. But all I can be is who I am now and though I'm not proud of who I am, I do spend some of my time trying to be a better person. I don't know why being 21 has opened me up to many of my existing flaws. My socially ineptness, my skeptism and my charged in satisfaction towards so many things. I've become more realistic and suspicious of things. I hope you don't find that a horrible trait you can't take. There are moments though. Moments where I choose to see the brighter path and believe blindly, moments when I wish for change and believe things will really be better. And these moments are who I am too. Recently I've been told I judge people too harshly. Cheryl asked me what I felt about casual dating and I told her how I totally oppose to the idea of it. And she inferred that I would judge people who does casual dates. It never occurred to me though. Do I? Kexin told me before how I have a pretty strict moral code and when certain acts falls out of it, I will always condone it. I never really did notice that. I don't really see myself as someone who is super staunch in her ideas but I do have some codes I know I would never breached. But does that make me judge what others do? I don't know if I do. Or maybe I know, but I choose to see it as I don't. Sometimes there are certain things with grey areas. But I think when you dust the covers off them. They could only either be black or white. And I think doing the right thing is not only because there is karma and neither is it because things will eventually catch up with you. It's merely because at that moment, there is only one choice. And when you did not choose the only obvious choice. Everything will accumulate from then on and it would only become worst from then on.