Real, terrifying

I know I really really love someone when I'm just mean to them. Its like I don't treat them as well as I treat others? But sometimes all I want to do is hug them tightly and tell them how much they mean to me but all I will go is like , ok bye. I think the people I love scare me too much. A part of me wishes I don't love them as much as I do and a part of me is grateful I have them in my life even if I were to lose them one day. So yes, to the stupid Cheryl who I can't help but be mean to and our awkward byes at mrt stations, I really wish we can be 16 forever. But we are so young but growing so old and I'm so terrified of life and what it could do, but I think life would just work out eventually right? We'd be happy and have crazy people holding our hands and talking in duck lips and we will always be who we were when we are 16, even if we are 71 and I'm a cranky, perpetual pms old lady who wishes everyone around her would just die or something, we will still always be who we are now right?