I used to be a disbeliever.

I'm typing this while lying on my bed, snuggled under the sheets because the night is chilly and my feet are cold. I'm listening to k's choice-For all this. It's a wonderful song for tonight.
Recently my days have been filled with helping my aunt move house, meeting and catching up with friends, family time and stuff... I've been trying to think about what I did but nothing really comes to mind, i've the week packed with stuff but it's not how I want to spend it. I feel tired. Which is strange since I'm free and exam free but I feel tired. My nights are spend trying to tire myself to sleep and even if I wake up late morning I don't feel well rested. I miss breakfast most of the time and by the time I'm out it's time for lunch, I think I miss waking up early in the morning and have a hearty breakfast and feel that I've a day of stuff to accomplish. I'm busy but not how I want to be busy. My left eyelid has been twitching and according to the Internet, i could be stressed or not well rested.... Well that's the most possible case.... I feel empty you know? Like I need something else. It's different from needing a break while cramming school work cos you know what you want. But now I don't. What I want could range from having alone time with myself,a good book and hot chocolate to a new purpose like helping out at an elderly home. I'm stuck in a state where I feel lost again. Up till now it seems like I've always been asking myself what do you want Jocelyn, what do you need. But I don't know. I can't always seem to find the right answers. You could watch movies and look at what others need, love, success, admiration, an ego boost, anything. But I don't know if that's what I need. I can no longer numb myself with a distraction or my hobbies because I feel distracted and out of my body. How do you explain being here but not here? My eyes hurt and my skin is aching to crawl out of my stagnant state but I don't want to move. I feel like tying a black cloth over my eyes and just move on. Let where ever I go to be the next part of my life, roll a dice and let chances determine my next step, but no rational person can take the risk. I don't know... I wonder what I actually know.it's like you know stuff that don't matter and you never know stuff that matter.