Wednesday, March 28, 2012

L

I cried while reading the first real conversation Katniss and Peeta had after District 13 rescued him from the Capitol.

It's too real. The pain of having someone who loved you so much he managed to see past your flaws yet eventually realizing how terribly flawed you are. It striked me that I am afraid if I were to love someone he would do that to me. He would eventually see how truly horrible I am, how I am unworthy of love.

Weakness. That's what love is. Being weak. Having a weakness. leaving yourself unguarded, vulnerable and open to hurt.

"I must have loved you a lot."
"You did." My throat catches and I pretend to cough.
"And did you love me?" he asks.
I kept my eyes on the tiled floor. "Everyone says I did. Everyone says that's why Snow had you tortured. To break me."
"That's not an answer." he tells me.

It takes a long time before I get to the bottom of why I'm so upset. When I do, it's almost too mortifying to admit. All those months of taking it for granted that Peeta thought I was wonderful are over. Finally he can see me for who I really am. Violent. Distrustful. Manipulative. Deadly.
And I hate him for it.

MockingJay, Suzzane Collins

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