when it all falls apart

i've not watched a new episode of gossipgirl.
i've not started my revision my next week CA week.
i've this deep deep hatred for studying.
i've not been catching up on topics/subjects.
ive been wallowing in self pity for too long.
i think i want/have always wanted someone to throw me a life vest.
i want to see hope and i want to be assured everything is going to turn out fine at the end.
i want to be happy.
But why it does it seems so impossible to even achieve what i at least want/need.

i'm turning 16 in two days time.
happy birthday Jocelyn