Too much to lose

I'm feeling really horrible right now.
Cause at tuition, 2 girls were discussing what jcs they were planning to go to. which reminds me that i'm getting chinese results on monday. So, i got really jumpy and nervous. & my heart just keeps havingt this really bad feeling, those that you get when you are getting back your result, and my hands start to turn cold and my teeth hurts(i know my teeth?!). And everytime my teeth hurts i get a headache. i'm feeling really nervous typing this out cause the above symtoms are starting to act up again. okay, so i called mummy just to hear her voice, which comforted me quite a bit. But it reminds me how lonely i am, cause i just can't find someone to call or text. cause i'm not used to texting someone and say: i'm feeling really horrible right now cause blah blah blah. So, i decided to go sleep, which helps my headache to stop aching. I'm really really nervous thinking about the results i'm getting on monday cause it just defines everything. like if i didn't get my A1, i'm damn dead. and i've never ever gotten so worried about something before, not even for psle or final year. Cause i'm sec 4 this year, everything i do, every result i get seems too important. i'm so scared of being scared, of failing and i'm so scared to disappoint mummy. And just thinking about all this just get me so stressed up. i can't afford to do badly for normal chinese. i can't. even when i've lost so much, did so badly for chinese last year. i wish... i really really wish i can just get the damn A1.