always have always will

Congratulations, Blue October

2012-02-12T02:30:00.001-08:00

Is that seat taken
Congratulations
Would you like to take a walk with me

My mind it kind of goes fast
I try to slow it down for you
I think I'd love to take a drive
I want to give you something
I've been wanting to give to you for years
My heart

My heart, my pain won't cover up
You left me.. hu hu hu hu
My heart won't take this cover up
You left me.. hu hu hu hu

I came to see the light in my best friend
You seemed as happy as you'd ever been
My chance of being open was broken
And now you're Mrs. him.

My words they don't come out right
But I'll try to say I'm happy for you
I think I'm going to take that drive
I want to give you something
I've been wanting to give to you for years
My heart

My heart, my pain won't cover up
You left me.. hu hu hu hu
My heart
My heart won't take this cover up
You left me.. hu hu hu hu

And I can't change this
I can never take it back
But now I can't change your mind

And I can't change this
I can never take this back
But now I can't change your mind
can't change your mind

Go away
Make it go away
Please.

"I would never be this lucky twice"

2012-02-10T00:33:00.001-08:00

"You and Sarajevo"
Bruce Dawe

Hearing the sound of your breathing as you sleep,
with the dog at your feet, his head resting
on a shoe, and the clock's ticking
like water dripping in a sink
-- I know that, even if reincarnation were a fact,
given the inherent cruelty of the world
where beautiful things and people
are blasted apart all the day long,
I would never want to come back, knowing
I could never be this lucky twice...

2012-02-10T00:13:00.001-08:00

"What?"
"I forgot. I forgot what I was going to say."
"Then it must have been a lie."

2012-02-07T18:40:00.001-08:00

Is it strange that I feel sickened whenever someone says something so utterly shallow? I understand that there are at times where people don't say what they feel, they say what others expect them to or what is socially normal. But shouldn't one only says what they feel and believe?
At times like this it's hard not to judge others with what they say. What you say becomes what you think and it becomes who you are as a person. People should choose their words wisely. Sigh....

Trying to keep the light on

2012-02-06T20:27:00.001-08:00

It's possible that the books I read are too depressing.

2012-02-06T20:22:00.001-08:00

One thing smoke does is lower your voice. It did not sound like me, thanking the firefighters. I said thanks, but I did not feel grateful. I stood aside and watched, breathing the tarry air. I watched myself lose all that I was losing, and I knew why Dr Winton had stayed inside his house.
I know about this now.
I know that homes burn and that you should think what to save before they start to. Not because, in the heat of it, everything looks as valuable as everything else. But because nothing looks worth the bother, not even your life.

The collected stories of Amy Hempel

You are as confounding as the reason why I look for your face in a sea of unfamiliar people.

2012-02-05T21:07:00.001-08:00

Learning to knit was the obvious thing. The separation of tangled threads, the working together of raveled ends into something tangible and whole- this mending was as confounding as the groom who drives into a stop sign on the way to his wedding. Because symptoms mean just what they are. What about the woman whose empty hand won't close because she cannot grasp that her child is gone.

The collected stories of Amy Hempel

Anger is stronger than fear

2012-02-03T01:40:00.001-08:00

After a quake(earthquake), the six o'clock news air a film clip of first graders yelling at the broken playground per their teacher's instructions.
"Bad earth!" they shout, because anger is stronger than fear.

The collected stories of Amy Hempel

Love is not a matter of choice but an obdurate fact of surrender.

2011-12-26T07:37:00.001-08:00

Two quotations from a beautifully written novel, Be Near Me by Andrew O'Hagan:

I can only say it now. At the centre of himself, a man cannot choose whom to love. He can choose how to live and can honour the truth of himself where he may. But he cannot choose whom to love, any more than he can choose how tall he is or how good. One can take up platform shoes or fine deeds, but the heart will always have the last word, and when the word is love we can recognise, we can respond, we can submit and we can try to ignore, but we can never choose. Love is not a matter of choice but an obdurate fact of surrender. (p. 288-289)

Memory is a kind of friendship, a friendship with the more necessary parts of oneself. How often do we reach for the pasts’s genial knowledge to meet the unknowables of the present, asking once again that the anterior world might blossom into life and colour the current day? In this at least I cannot be alone. (p. 175)

Literaryquotes.livejournal.com

Cos I found someone to carry me home

2011-12-26T07:35:00.001-08:00

Tonight, we are young.
So let's set the world on fire.
We can burn brighter than the sun.

2011-12-25T23:50:00.001-08:00

Have you ever felt like you are running very fast, just to stay in the same place?

2011-12-23T22:52:00.001-08:00

AQUARIUS WOMAN:
If you are in love with a woman in this zodiac be prepared to be very happy or be very sorry. She is a very busy person with her own matters similar to a guy in this zodiac. She is able to live by herself without any guy in her life, a very strong person indeed.

Not because she does not have a dream guy, but if she can not find such person, so what. Because she thinks she could do anything that a man can do. She is a leader , a real confident type.

She likes to do things by herself, such as serving herself, opening the door herself. Because she thinks waiting for a helping hand is a waste of time, and she is not patient enough to wait around for that. If she starts to ask you out, do not think she starts to flirt with you, but because she thinks it is a waste of time to wait for you to be the one who asked.

She likes a COOL guy who sometime act like he is ignoring her, so he has a chance to show him his own confident. She like to guess her man’s reaction, but at the same time she likes to has many men wanting her. She is a daring type who could just do thing differently from other people in her same society. She dare to fight for what she thinks belonged to her.

Even she acts confident she mostly feel lonely and alone. If she breaks up with someone , she won’t show any emotion even deep down inside pain and agony. Not for long she will come back to be the cheery and merry person again, because she looks at the world positively and has “Faith” in the word “Love”.

She has more men friends than women friends, so do not be a jealous type if you date her. She could be slightly jealous, but she hates jealous guy. She loves “Freedom” so before and after marriage , her freedom has to be the same. She likes you to trust her, even if she does not trust you anyhow.

She likes to be the one who is “Right”, so if you argue with her , let her win if it is not a big deal for you in that subject. She is a straight forward type, so if she does not love you anymore, she will just tell you straight to your face. Her love and relationship are always real, so if she say “It’s over” be prepare to leave, she is not testing you.

She is not a vulnerable type, so do not have to worry about her, she will survive by herself. If she is with you when you get sick, she will certainly take care and look after you, even look after you mean “small loan”. Do not have secret with her, she hates it and really can piss her badly. When she is sad , be understanding. When she is happy, be happy with her, she likes that.

You will not get bore with this type of girl. Someone who is close to her will know that deep down beneath that confident and cold hearted person, she is just as fragile as any woman. She is a fun and talkative person and she likes to tease you. Do not let she talk alone, if you do she will leave.

She has many type of jobs because she beliefs what a man can do, I can do. If you want her to work for you, forget it. When she is in love, she will just leave her job in the day time just to come to see you, but not for long she will go back to work seriously again. Prepare to live and love with a “Working Woman” then you will be OK.

If she mad, find a shelter for the “Hurricane” is here! Her bad temper will last very shortly though. She is not a revenge type and will not think of “pay Back” time. Most people might think of her as “One of a guy”, but in fact she is a 100% woman. She is easily hurt, so be nice with her. If she really loves you, then you are lucky because she is an honest, truthful and will never bored you. Understand that sometimes she will be over confident and sometimes like to have power or act bossy.

2011-12-21T11:43:00.001-08:00

I was thinking if I ever have a daughter I might name her Alice. I would wish for her to have courage, curiosity and the most interesting character.

I used to be a disbeliever.

2011-12-19T09:41:00.001-08:00

I'm typing this while lying on my bed, snuggled under the sheets because the night is chilly and my feet are cold. I'm listening to k's choice-For all this. It's a wonderful song for tonight.
Recently my days have been filled with helping my aunt move house, meeting and catching up with friends, family time and stuff... I've been trying to think about what I did but nothing really comes to mind, i've the week packed with stuff but it's not how I want to spend it. I feel tired. Which is strange since I'm free and exam free but I feel tired. My nights are spend trying to tire myself to sleep and even if I wake up late morning I don't feel well rested. I miss breakfast most of the time and by the time I'm out it's time for lunch, I think I miss waking up early in the morning and have a hearty breakfast and feel that I've a day of stuff to accomplish. I'm busy but not how I want to be busy. My left eyelid has been twitching and according to the Internet, i could be stressed or not well rested.... Well that's the most possible case.... I feel empty you know? Like I need something else. It's different from needing a break while cramming school work cos you know what you want. But now I don't. What I want could range from having alone time with myself,a good book and hot chocolate to a new purpose like helping out at an elderly home. I'm stuck in a state where I feel lost again. Up till now it seems like I've always been asking myself what do you want Jocelyn, what do you need. But I don't know. I can't always seem to find the right answers. You could watch movies and look at what others need, love, success, admiration, an ego boost, anything. But I don't know if that's what I need. I can no longer numb myself with a distraction or my hobbies because I feel distracted and out of my body. How do you explain being here but not here? My eyes hurt and my skin is aching to crawl out of my stagnant state but I don't want to move. I feel like tying a black cloth over my eyes and just move on. Let where ever I go to be the next part of my life, roll a dice and let chances determine my next step, but no rational person can take the risk. I don't know... I wonder what I actually know.it's like you know stuff that don't matter and you never know stuff that matter.

What I need.

2011-12-15T06:26:00.001-08:00

You would call me love in different languages, French, Spanish, Italian or Latin. I would laugh and be amazed at your immense knowledge of random things of the world. Every time you leave my side, you would come up with a cheesy and silly pick up line when you return and I will give you various reactions each time. I could giggle or gush over you like a star struck teenager or pretend to be insulted and tease you with mock anger. We would then hold hands and walk around aimlessly with moments of comfortable silence and only speaks words worth telling one another. You would fill my notebook with thoughtful quotes and I will read them on my way home. You would buy me raincoat when it rains so we could laugh and run under the rain without getting wet. We would look at the city lights from a roof of a building and it would be so stunning and bright that you thawed a corner of my cold, cynical heart. Ad that corner would be marked with your name even when we part ways. On another night we would both be unable to fall asleep and decide to catch the sunrise. We would go to the nearest beach and catch the sunrise but not really seeing it because we would finally be sleepy and fall asleep in each other arms. By 8 we would wake and eat a scrumptious breakfast where you would give me half of your eggs because I love eggs and I would give you the ham or bacon. We would then go sleep off the rest of the morning and spend the afternoon and early night reading. I might be reading a Murakami's book and be filled with a sense of bleakness and nostalgia but instead of comforting words you would hug me so tightly that you would fill the spaces with your warmth. There goes another corner of my heart. We would have comfort food and walk down the beach. Instead of scrawling I love you on the sand you would scrawl I would always remember the way you make me feel because we both know love was never enough. It stopped being enough since we tell I love you to people easily. We would surprise each other with silly gifts such as a graceful frog or a clumsy swan because we both appreciate sarcasm and cynical events of the world. And instead of conventional rings we would wear antique rings because we appreciate history and the stories of past lovers. If we were to be overwhelm with love or a need to be with one another for the rest of our lives, we would get married in a quaint island with friendly islanders and a beautiful scenic view. I would wear a beautiful white dress and have flyaway hair and sand on my feet because we both got married barefooted. We would have wedding photos with nature in the background filled with trees or wild flowers or the beach or sky or mountains. Instead of hoping we would be together forever we would hold on to the present and appreciate every moment we can be together. We would both grow older and younger together and no matter what we would always love each other.

Moving at constant speed

2011-12-13T11:52:00.001-08:00

“Now you’re looking for the secret. But you won’t find it because of course, you’re not really looking. You don’t really want to work it out. You want to be fooled.”

This is the sound of the heart

2011-12-08T08:43:00.000-08:00

He puts down the pen, folds the sheet of paper, and slips it inside an envelope. He stands up, takes from his trunk a mahogany box, lifts the lid, lets the letter fall inside, open and unaddressed. In the box are hundreds of identical envelopes, open and unaddressed. He thinks that somewhere in the world he will meet a woman who has always been his woman. Every now and again he regrets that destiny has been so stubbornly determined to make him wait with such indelicate tenacity, but with time he has learned to consider the matter with great serenity. Almost every day, for years now, he has taken pen in hand to write to her. He has no names or addresses to put on the envelopes: but he has a life to recount. And to whom, if not to her? He thinks that when they meet it will be wonderful to place the mahogany box full of letters on her lap and say to her, ‘I was waiting for you.’

She will open the box and slowly, when she so desires, read the letters one by one. As she works her way back up the interminable thread of blue ink she will gather up the years— the days, the moments— that that man, before he ever met her, had already given to her. Or perhaps more simply, she will overturn the box and astonished at that comical snowstorm of letters, she will smile, saying to that man, ‘You are mad.’ And she will love him forever.

Alessandro Baricco

What matters to me

2011-12-08T06:27:00.000-08:00

i've quite a number of thoughts swimming around in my head recently.
And one of it is the importance of beauty or the importance of being pretty. i've met just too many people who place an emphasis on being pretty and it makes me uncomfortable. i think what we should do is embrace what we are given, change what we can and just be comfortable, happy and confident. it is so unnecessary to be the prettiest, it's not even worth anything much unless you are making money out of it or something. why does it matter if someone else is pretty? it is essentially non of your business and should not in any way affect what you think of yourself. there are probably gaziliion girls out there and there is no way to be the prettiest so how does it matter? it especially annoys me when people judges others based on looks. there is no real need to compare how others look like in comparison to you and it doesn't matter if she's pretty because her being ugly or pretty will never change how pretty you are. somehow to me, people who place an emphasis on looks seems to be the ones who are the most insecured and concerned about their looks, if not why bother looking or determining if someone else is pretty enough? there is so many things in this world and looks is probably just a drop of water in the ocean of things to be concerned about. Give me a smart, kindhearted, spirited, honest, knowledgeable, well read, inspired, ambitious girl any day over a pretty one.
It's not just the cliche "it is what inside counts" but rather the package. i watched a movie recently and i learnt how to determine a person based on his or her whole rather than just a part of the person. just like how the looks is only a part of someone and if we were to only concentrate on the looks alone, we would see the part as a whole and shortchange or over estimate what someone could be like. it's not only just the character, it's the way they treat others. the way they approach difficulties, their willingness to help others in need, their heart for the disadvantaged and most importantly the way they act around everyone and not just their friends or love ones.
i've never really been an observant person but sometimes i would just look at strangers around me and discover something in them that makes me in awe or it makes me want to know them better. just the other day i saw a guy who was sweaty and tired after his run and he was buying some groceries home and he tried to pay with his card but he can't because they don't accept ez link card payment or something and he had to leave without his groceries. the cashier was giving him attitude and being quite uncooperative, a normal tempered person might get fustrated or even irritated but he showed no sign of annoyance and even when a salesman approach him to apply for a credit card he patiently listened to the guy before rejecting him kindly. it might have been a good day for him or he has the patience of a saint but at that moment i was so impressed by his mild temper. i mean i do have a bad temper which i can't keep in check most of the times and people like him never fail to amaze me. Likewise, i feel drawn to know more about him because he has this certain quality that is attractive and it is because of his character and not his looks. i think this is the way to truly gain respect, recognition and love. which is why looks just barely scratch the surface of people we need in our lives. we seek like minded souls and friends who are good hearted and embody characters which we admire and need. i feel that what we should look for when we make friends or find someone to fall in love with, should be someone whose whole is more than every part of him or her, someone who shines from within and is so iridescent that no one else can compare.
i'm not saying i don't look at others and judge them based on their looks forefront, but i feel that there is less of a need to emphasize on them and learn to see the bigger picture. But this is just my opinion though i feel others should consider looking at the entire scenery and not just a flower or a tree, but the entire scenery and hopefully find something spectacular in the process

A painting is more then the sum of it's parts. A cow by itself is just A cow. A meadow by itself is just grass, flowers. And the sun picking through the trees, is just a beam of light. But you put them all together and it can be magic.

-Flipped (Movie)

2011-12-07T22:18:00.001-08:00

Maybe we are all looking for something. A purpose in life, a reason to live, determination to live on, love, acceptance, recognition. Anything. And until we find it, we must not stop, even if it's hard. Because the things worth finding is never easy to look for.

Your mind changes like the moon

2011-12-05T08:17:00.001-08:00

And the boys go on and on and on and on.
And there is gold falling from the ceiling of this world.
Falling from the heartbeat of this girl.
Falling from the things we should have learned.
Falling from the the things we could have heard.

Falling from the people that we hurt.
Falling from the love we never earned.
Falling from the sky that should have burned.

Falling from my heart, falling from my heart.

Angus and Julia Stone- And the boys

This one is for you and me, living out our dreams.

2011-12-05T01:08:00.001-08:00

I’m a daydreamer. I’m thinking, but I probably just want someone to think about.

- Ellie

When you love someone but it goes to waste

2011-12-04T06:29:00.001-08:00

Tears stream down your face,
when you lose something you cannot replace.
Tears stream down your face,
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes.

Right at the feet of the one who wished for me

2011-12-03T05:37:00.001-08:00

If I were a falling star, I would know where to fall.

2011-12-01T07:23:00.001-08:00

I don't understand you. I don't understand anybody. I don't understand how you can say things that you know would hurt people. I can understand if you're upset but to make others feel your misery too is such a mean move. That's why I hate people who guilt trip others. I don't fall for these bullshit, you only fucking poss me off. I hate it when people try to manipulate my feelings and I get fucking pissed when I feel mine being manipulated. Why don't you ask yourself if you did any thing worthy for others affection, why don't you try? Have you even think about what you did and if everything you ever did is right? I'm sure not.
Sometimes it gets on my nerve when I'm irritated with someone I care about. Because then I start to care less and That's when it all ends, when someone love less, it puts an invisible distance between you and the person and it's not possible to close it. It's not possible to make it go back to the past.

The one that got away

2011-11-30T20:26:00.001-08:00

In another life I would make you stay, so I don't have to say that you were the one that got away.

2011-11-30T04:26:00.001-08:00

We would meet at a totally unexpected venue or situation. Maybe I would be looking up from my book trying to process a line and our eyes would meet. It wouldn't be an electric glance, but rather one of complete understanding, an understanding I can't yet come up with. We would both return to what we are doing and maybe you would leave first. We would meet again at the same place a month later and this time we might actually strike up a conversation. I would be reading a book you've already read and I would be surprised and impressed when you quoted the book. We would discuss and share our opinions on the book and feel a comfortable bond between us. But we wouldn't give each other our numbers because we have been tempted and excited by coincidence and fate. We would share a friendly smile and return to whatever we were planning to do. Nevertheless we will be looking forward to meeting each other whenever we visit our place. We will meet 3 weeks later and I wouldn't be reading this time. I would be looking around with a wandering eye and then our eyes will meet. I will give a beautiful smile and our hearts will be beating faster than usual and you will sit opposite me and you'll pull out a book from your bag. You told me to read it cos it's a great book and your life has changed since you read it. I would smile and take another book from my bag and give it to you. Then you'll go on with whatever you were planning to do and I'll start reading the book. You'll leave before me and we have yet to exchange numbers. I would feel disappointed but intrigued by the continued mystery. At night I will be reading the book and I will notice a note in one of the pages. On top of that would be your number and a funny line. I would laugh and text you immediately. The same night you'll be lying on your bed reading my book and processing my favorite quotes I underlined. You would smile upon receiving my text and we will start texting our favorite lines to each other. Maybe we will fall in love, maybe we will be best friends or friends for life. But life is chokeful of possibilities and the best is we never know what will come next.

One lost word

2011-11-30T03:47:00.001-08:00

“It always fascinated me how people go from loving you madly to nothing at all, nothing. It hurts so much. When I feel someone is going to leave me, I have a tendency to break up first before I get to hear the whole thing. Here it is. One more, one less. Another wasted love story. I really love this one. When I think that its over, that I’ll never see him again like this… well yes, I’ll bump into him, we’ll meet our new boyfriend and girlfriend, act as if we had never been together, then we’ll slowly think of each other less and less until we forget each other completely. Almost. Always the same for me. Break up, break down. Drunk up, fool around. Meet one guy, then another, fuck around. Forget the one and only. Then after a few months of total emptiness start again to look for true love, desperately look everywhere and after two years of loneliness meet a new love and swear it is the one, until that one is gone as well. There’s a moment in life where you can’t recover any more from another break-up. And even if this person bugs you sixty percent of the time, well you still can’t live without him. And even if he wakes you up every day by sneezing right in your face, well you love his sneezes more than anyone else’s kisses.”
Marion, 2 Days in Paris

In another life, it would be us against the world.

2011-11-27T05:53:00.001-08:00

I like the idea of a parallel universe.
In my mind, my parallel universe would consist of different results and endings because of the different decisions I made. Or something like what could have happened instead of what happened.
For example, in a parallel universe, I would have said yes instead of no. We could have gone on and did our thing but eventually leave each other because the love has run dry. And them we could most possibly move on without regrets.
Or, I would have asked why before that and eventually say no. That would work too.
In a parallel universe, I would have worked harder to make some friendships work. And it would work, I would still know what to say and how to be there for you and comfort you and make all of us feel comfortable.
In a parallel universe, I would take on a different persona. I wouldn't be someone with a hard shell that aims to hurt and only accept the person if they are still there despite being hurt. I would be more open, less worried and less guarded. More naive and less realistic.
In a parallel universe, I would make a different decision and end up doing something entirely different from what I am doing now. I would meet different people and turn out differently. I would probably be more happy and more unhappy than what I am now. But that's something I'll never know.
In a parallel universe, I would fight for what I want and say things that will make a difference. And things would turn out differently.
Basically, I would not have the regrets I had today but maybe other regrets. I wonder how that would work. Whether I would be happier. Because all I want to be is happier. Happier than what I am now.

2011-11-27T04:21:00.001-08:00

“The kissed surprised him because it had been so long since he’d kissed anyone but Elspeth. It surprised Valentina because she had hardly ever kissed anyone that way — to her, kissing had always been more theoretical than physical. Afterwards she stood with her eyes closed, lips parted, face tilted. Robert thought, ‘She’s going to break my heart and I’m going to let her’.”
Audrey Niffenegger, Her Fearful Symmetry.

Time changes everything.

2011-11-27T04:17:00.001-08:00

"If you love someone you say it, you say it right then, out loud. Otherwise the moment just passes you by."

My Best Friend’s Wedding

2011-11-27T04:09:00.001-08:00

Sure, she has got it all.
But baby is that all you want?

You said you like how I would mouth the lyrics while listening to my favorite songs.

2011-11-26T05:53:00.001-08:00

We need a little of each other in our lives.

2011-11-26T04:01:00.001-08:00

I've been in a bit of a dump lately. I'm not good company. I snapped out my replies or don't even bother replying. I can't figure out what is wrong and I really want to. A levels is coming to and end but I hardly feel the weight lifting off my shoulders. I hate knowing I'm going to spend months worrying about my results. Actually, maybe it's the vampire show I'm watching lately. It's starting to rub off on me. I even wore a red shirt today. I don't even know why I'm saying this. Ugh.

2011-11-26T03:52:00.001-08:00

"You are beautiful and I'm just a man."

2011-11-25T02:45:00.001-08:00

I just exercised for an hour. It's tough... Exercising... Losing weight. But it's quite futile cos I don't want to lose weight that badly. Life after a levels is not as liberating as expected. Maybe it's cos I still have an mcq paper but I think it's more of the situation of boredom you are thrown into after having endless things to do. Dramas are not that interesting, your mind is thinking about so many other things than you can really appreciate the words on the book and you feel useless I guess. Anywayi watched you're the apple of my eye with Cheryl recently. It was a great movie but strangely, it didn't make much of an impact in my mind, it was great during the movie and not that great after it.
I hate spending my time walking about the malls and not having something concrete to do.... Something is preventing me from really enjoying my relax time and I don't know what it is. Yesterday I had steamboat with vivien and we had quite a meal, walked around and talked and talked. He make me realize how I'm a rather pessimistic person. I always felt I was realistic but I think I am more pessimistic than realistic. I'm running out of things to talk about and I feel numbed recently.... I wish I can stop feeling like that.

2011-11-17T05:39:00.001-08:00

Buy old movies and watch them on my bed.
Read my favorite books and buy new ones.
Go swimming at least twice a week.
Go running at least once a week.
Visit Barney's.
Explore Singapore with my favorite girls.
Have lunch or dinner at a breakfast all day restaurant.
Read at a quiet cafe that serves really good cake and tea.
Have brunch or afternoon tea with my favorite girls.
Have a picnic at Marina Barrage again.
Go to the beach at Sentosa.
Try out the peaches and cream homemade mask and maybe the tomato ones.
Buy facial products to improve my skin.
Go to the airport to read and watch the planes at the viewing area.
Pretend to be tourists visiting Singapore.
Watch a live band perform.
Volunteer at a charity.
Read more and get a pretty notebook where I can write my favorite quotes down.
Print photos to fill up my photo album.
Learn to play a guitar.
Learn a new language.
Try a new hairstyle, go for something short.
Bake a cake, preferably tiramisu or blackforest.
Attend baking lessons.
Join a yoga class.
Go swimming with my friends.
Buy an instant camera and take pictures with all my favorite people.
Buy wildflowers for myself.
Explore other picnic places.
Work at someplace totally unexpected for a month.
Go star gazing.
Have a picnic at night.
Watch the city lights at night.
Learn how to bake a chicken.
Dabble into poetry.

2011-11-13T03:21:00.001-08:00

Phys is tmr and I've only started studying now. To top things off, I've a lit paper in the morning. If I screw tmr papers up I'm royally screwed. Sigh. Part of me knew I'm going to screw this up so who am I trying to kid. Sigh....

Will you try to fix me

2011-11-10T06:50:00.001-08:00

Coldplay's Fix you is stuck in my head. I'm broken by the math paper today, i can't check the answers cause I'm afraid that I will be wrong. Sometimes I wonder what is it that i didn't know to get a decent grade. I studied and practice, I did math to death but I still can't bridge the gap.
I hate what school turned me into. I feel stupid, even more stupid as I learn more and more, isn't education supposed to make you feel smarter, for you to learn more?
Why is it that you try your best but you don't succeed? Maybe I didn't try my best. Maybe it's just not good enough. If that's so, tell me, tell me what you want and if I can give it to you, I will. You can't just expect me to know.
Life can be so cruel sometimes. You take a bright piece of me each time and one day I will just lose my light.

2011-11-09T05:15:00.001-08:00

Having a headache right now. That sucks cause I've math paper tomorrow and my revision is not complete.
Gp was pretty screwed in my opinion but some part of me hope it went okay. I can't really give a shit right now cause it seems like I'm screwing everything up. I've been trying to convince myself that a private uni is fine but I hate how I'll let my parents down. I hate to do so but I've so many stuff like phy and econs which seems pretty screwed. Ugh. Thinking about all this makes the back of my neck ache more. I have to get back to my revision. I hope math goes well or i'm going to be super f up.

You are a bad boy, for breaking her heart

2011-10-01T08:11:00.001-07:00

I've just read a love novel from one of my favorite author. It's the sort of story that could bring you back to the time when you truly did love someone but lost him. I love those kind of stories where you break up with your true love and eventually get back together after years. Cliche, I know. But it's so romantic to me. I don't think you can fall in love many many times in your life. A couple of times top. Your first love is important because that's when the love is pure, innocent and full of hope and faith. After that you are never what you started out to be. You know what it's like to get your heartbroken. You know how to keep a certain distance so you wouldn't hurt so much when you part, you know the truth to love. It doesn't always last. I know it's sounds like duh! But I think nobody starts off thinking it will end. Which bring me back to my point of how romantic it is to go back to your first love/true love even after you separated. It's as if it's fated. No it is fated. It's meant to be and it's written in the stars and approved by god or something. It's like how you go around a maze and finally reach where you are meant to end up at. But maybe it's just me, wanting to know and prove that what I had was real. I do admit I questioned myself over the years. Looking at the past makes you view things from many different perspective. I settled on a couple and decided that I really did love him. Albeit not perfectly, but in the best way I could, slowly but surely. I took a while to be sure but time was not on my side. On the other hand, I think he didn't love me but I would like to think he did. But it would contradict with everything I'm trying to prove. That real love lasts and it never stops. I'm quite confused too at this point but well I've gotten over hanging on to the rope with what little of it that I had. It's not that I hate moving on later, it's the regrets and unanswered questions that would forever be plaguing me. I hope that one day I can finally come to terms with myself and put the past where it is. As of now, I'm perfectly alright and happy just the way I am. However I do feel quite stunted over the years. Disappointments are bound to make you more cynical.

Free fallin

2011-09-28T06:17:00.001-07:00

I don't think I've ever felt so low in a while. I do remember this feeling though. Feeling like nothing, feeling like you're as worthless as it gets because nothing you ever do is right, nothing ever goes the way you want it to. I hate being the sort that allow my results to determine who I am. I know that results are not just all, I need to have the spirit and goals and dreams for life. But all these are nothing if I can't get through the doors to open the gates of success. I hate failing. I think it's cruel to see zero and failing marks on my papers. It's so demoralizing and depressing. I hate seeing that what I studied for and wrote everything i could think of can't even get me a passing grade. I hate seeing that grade which says that oh no Jocelyn failed her math again, oh she's so weak in math, oh she's so dumb. I want to say fuck it, I don't give a damn if I screw my a levels up, life is more than this. But I realize it isn't. This is all I have. I have nothing to say if I were to fail my exams. I don't have anything else to prove my worth. It can't get worse than this. I don't even feel tired, I feel hopeless, lost. Tell me what I've not done to deserve a pass. I did all I could and this is what I get. Nothing anyone says can make you feel better. I know my friends are trying. But no, nobody gets it unless they are in the same state. And even if they were to motivate me and tell me to believe in myself. I can't. I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I can't see myself overcoming this and doing well eventually. And it makes me more and more hollow as I have to motivate people to do well because deep down I can't even see what I can do to pull myself out of this sandpit. I feel like I'm sinking every second and people, company, everybody is suffocating me. My troubles and worries are pulling me down. I can't stop thinking. I want to. I want to get out of this stupid self pity party I'm throwing myself but I can't seem to do it. I feel that life is unfair. Unfair to me. It's not fair surely. It will never be fair. I can feel all my dreams sipping through my fingers. I feel like sleeping until everything is over.
Can. you. just. let. me. go.

Lost

2011-08-20T02:14:00.001-07:00

“When you’re lost in those woods, it sometimes takes you a while to realize that you are lost. For the longest time, you can convince yourself that you’ve just wandered off the path, that you’ll find your way back to the trailhead any moment now. Then night falls again and again, and you still have no idea where you are, and its time to admit that you have bewildered yourself so far off the path that you dont even know from which direction the sun rises anymore.”

— Elizabeth Gilbert

Exactly what I'm feeling now.

Sparks

2011-01-01T04:06:00.000-08:00

I feel like looking back at 2010 suddenly. You know how it is when people do a mini recap of how their year had been. I realize I didn't really exactly have much to say for 2010. But let me recap on whatever comes to my mind.
In 2010, I received my o level results and I wasn't exactly sad or happy. I expected more but I guess I know I don't deserve much better with what I've put in. I went on to meridian jc, the school of my sec4 dreams. I remembered telling Jo that i die die must go there after mj principal talk at Tk. I enjoyed orientation or at least forced myself to cause deep down I didn't want to be the only one not moving on while the rest of my friends have alrdy moved on. I was excited and had big dreams for my life in meridian. I joined drama club and I can't say I enjoy every minute of it but I'm glad I joined and happy to make new friends there. I love my clique in class and how we stick up for each other and enjoy each other company. I'm happy I met my meridian friends esp amelia aw who is the best funny crazy lame girl ever and Amelia thank you for making meridian more bearable. Since coming to meridian I grew closer to Odelia and we held on to each other for support and comfort. Odelia thank you for being there for me and entertaining me and putting up with me though I diatract you. Hahaha! Thank you zhiqian and Jiayi for being there for me too and though we don't meet up much but seeing you guys around make me happy enough :) I'm glad sharon and I remained close though we each have different schedules and all. We have been friends since like p3 and it really keeps on going and thank you for keeping me grounded and always being there and keeping me sane.
Meridian didn't turn out the way I expected it to be. Somehow I always wish everybody is here with me. If forever10 is here I really think everything would be so much more tolerable and enjoyable. But no matter what I'm glad we manage to stay close and meet up and hang out like it was before.
In 2010, I'm glad Cheryl and I didnt drift apart. Though we talk so much lesser and how we each lead different lives, and how I couldn't really know what is going on in your life, our friendship remained strong. I hate that we are in different schools and how other people have their
best friends in the same school, I'm super glad we meet up whenever we can like after your school or after mine and during hols and everything. It's always too short though but I love and treasure every moment we have together. Love you Cheryl!
For Shi and ju, ju though I meet you less I'm glad you manage to come to mj once, and how we meet at the soccer match once and study sometimes and meet up sometimes. Though we don't meet up much, I'm glad we still are close and although I couldn't be there for you much I love you and hope you are happy at sa, and I think you are. Hahahha! Stay happy ju!!! I love you and hopefully we can meet up more in 2011! Shi! Hahaha you came to mj like twice and we still talk and text and all so it doesnt feel that you're too far away. We must keep in touch and attempt to study tgt! We never study successfully tgt before! I love you and I hope you're happy!
I would say the best thing about 2010 is the new friends I made, and the bestest would be how I stay close to my old friends and keep our friendship as strong as before. Im most proud of myself for that andd though we would be twice or thrice as busy next year, I hope we can still keep in touch and meet up a couple of times and more after a levels.
I hope I can improve in 2011. Start to be serious about my studies and keep my goals in mind. It's time to be serious about school this year since there is so much at stake. I aim to make my parents proud of me and my results this year. I hope I wouldn't be a disappointment again. It's a new year and always another chance to change things around. I will do my best and I wish everyone reading this the best :)

Bang bang my honey shot me downn

2010-12-11T05:44:00.000-08:00

Haven't been blogging much since like forever. But I'll be gone for a long time I guess. I don't have much stuff to say or complain or whine about these days. Nevertheless, the year is ending but I can't say I look forward to 2011. Everything is just happening too quickly and changing and all, I haven't been catching up. I'm always lagging behind. I'm not going to hope 2011 will treat me well, I just hope things will not be as bad as I imagine. Yes I'm a pessimist and I'm darn proud of it cause when you don't raise your hopes, you don't get disappointed. I'm looking forward to a new year, but it will not be a fresh start. It never was. Sometimes no matter how you run, you will bump into things and people you're trying to escape from. So guess what, comeee haunt me. I've survived all these years I think I can survive another year of hell.

Early merry x'mas and happy new year!

give in to me

2010-12-01T06:48:00.000-08:00

leighton meester is super talented and this song is really really good!

i'm gonna wear you down
i'm gonna make you see
i'm gonna get to you
you're going to give in to me
i'm gonna start a fight
you're gonna feel the heat
i'm gonna burn for you
you're going to burn for me

so good to me, so right

2010-11-02T03:55:00.000-07:00

when the days are hard, you either hope to go back to the past where everything were easier, or you think about the future, of how things is eventually going to be better soon.
after coming to meridian, i realize that no, its not that life in meridian is tough. its me. i've become weaker, not as strong and resilient as before.
i think i'm being thrown in reality where i meet people who are ugly. as in ugly inside. and there are those, who weren't ugly before, but they get uglier as i know them.
it's scary when things change, and worse when they change for the worst.
but i'm going to hang on to what is real to me, what i know i have. what i have is enough, i don't need more.
and i hope i come out of all these stronger and wiser.

2010-11-02T03:54:00.000-07:00

Odelia! this is for your enemyyy

leave it all behind

2010-10-24T05:16:00.000-07:00

Post promos is worse than during promos and before promos. Pw and everything is sucking everything out of me.
i'm tired of working hard.
i'm not complaining about the results i get. i tried my best did all i could. i felt that i deserved more for some subjects, felt that i deserve to get what i get for the rest.
But its like i've this sense that i'm useless. Like i can't get anything right, can't get anything done.
i srsly think i'm going to have like depression soon or like i'm just someone with low self confidence.
Up till now i dont know what i'm looking for. what i want.
But i know i want to get away from everything. from school, from my life.
i've been thinking what if i was born somewhere else, would i still be feeling what i'm feeling now, going through all these shit i'm going through now?
Or what if i'm a risk taker, i took off,and live a day as it is and expereience everything life has to offer and not what i'm told to do, will i be happier?
i'm confused and lost. i've doubts and negative thoughts coming into my mind like practically every single day of my life.
i'm not happy, i'm not satisfied. i feel like nothing.
And like the script says, nothing gets nothing.
but at least when you have nothing, you're spared the disappointment, cause you've nothing to lose.

poetic lyrics

2010-10-23T10:07:00.000-07:00

I like to see people reunited. I like to see people run to each other. I like the kissing and the crying. I like the impatience, the stories that the mouth can’t tell fast enough, the ears that aren’t big enough, the eyes that can’t take in all of the change. I like the hugging, the bringing together, the end of missing someone.

“Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close” by Jonathan Safran Foer

A place in this world

2010-10-12T07:07:00.000-07:00

A Place In This World
by Taylor Swift

I don't know what I want, so don't ask me
Cause I'm still trying to figure it out
Don't know what's down this road, I'm just walking
Trying to see through the rain coming down
Even though I'm not the only one
Who feels the way I do

I'm alone, on my own, and that's all I know
I'll be strong, I'll be wrong, oh but life goes on
Oh, I'm just a girl, trying to find a place in
This world

i just heard this song, but its probably out ages ago, and i felt like i'm expereiencing the same thing. not knowing what you want, not knowing what you need, not knowing what is coming up. sometimes i think i think too little. its ironic how i think too much for stuff that i can undo, stuff that i can't redo. while i think too little for the future. maybe i should think more. about what i want. and then maybe i will be better than i am now. i think i'm in such a sorry state. its painful to be me. i feel like such a failure. no directions, no aspirations, nothing. i've nothing. imagine this world, filled with so many many things out there while i have nothing.
unbelievable.

you're toxic, i'm slipping under

2010-10-08T07:19:00.000-07:00

omgg!! my favouriteee!!!!

And i wanna watch this movie so badly!!

&& the clip belowww isss so hot! shes so funny and cutteee!!!!

her dad is cool righttt!!!! omggg he is so funny andd supportive
and when she walked outt, goshhhh she is so hot!!! hahahahahah, i think she issss sooooo hottttt. i may be in loveeee!

Maybe one day we will be

2010-10-01T19:57:00.000-07:00

Helloo promos is soooo going to end soon and I feel slackish alrdy thoughh I still have math and physicss paper :( and the fact that I screwed up my lit and I'm un sure abt econs and very dead for physics and unsure for math is seriously not helping me to studyyy! I'm so so so dead! I hate the idea of being unsure if you can promote and it's like a poison in ur head. You can't get it out and even when you do, it has left it's impacts on you. But I believ in myself and I know that things are going to be okay eventually. Though the future seems bleak and everything doesn't seems to go well, I must still hve faith in myself! Yes!!! For all my loves ones having promos and thosee who finished!! Jiayouuuuuu!!! You can do it!!! Don't ever let anyone,or wors still, yourself, tell you that you can't! You can! And hang in theree! Days after promos aree goinggg to be thee bombb!! Till thenn cyaaaa aligatarrrr!!!

Fate is like an unpopular restaurant with odd waiters
that serves you things you never asked for
and don't always like

Gemini

2010-09-20T07:22:00.002-07:00

Versatility is a great keyword for this dual sign. Expressive and quick-witted, the Gemini presents two distinctive sides to his or her personality, and you can never be sure with which one you're going to come face-to-face. On one hand, the Gemini can be outgoing, flirtatious, communicative, and ready for fun, fun, fun. Yet when the other twin is present, you can find this air sign contemplative, serious, restless, and even indecisive. Both twins are able to adapt to life's circumstances well, making them wonderful people to know. Things are never boring when a Gemini is on the scene.

Friends and Family
Geminians are social and love spending time with friends and family. There will be times when this outgoing sign would want to go bungee jumping, and there will be times when sitting at home playing cards will suit them. Either way, friends are plentiful. Those who can match the Geminian intellect and love of variety will go the distance. One quality they seek out in others is communication. The Gemini loves to talk and gain insight from others. Without a clear flow of talk, the Gemini will lose interest pretty quick. Family is important, especially those of like mind. Friendship with siblings is quite common for the Geminian, and time spent together is cherished. Meeting responsibilities with family can pose a challenge at times, but almost always, the Geminian comes through.

Career and Money
The best-suited careers for a Gemini are those that stimulate the intellect. "I think" is the key phrase for this sign. Geminians are inventive and often literary. It's important that the work they commit themselves to doing is dynamic and challenging so boredom doesn't set in.

Careers as a teacher, debater, reporter, writer, preacher, or lawyer are all well-suited to this sign. Any platform that gives the Geminian room to talk is best! A sales profession is another excellent choice. You can expect to see many tools for communication around this sign, such as PDAs, laptops, and cell phones. Generating new ideas and problem solving are other areas where the Geminian will shine.

Deciding between practicality and pleasure can be a tough thing for a Gemini. While money is a necessary evil, most don't spend a lot of time worrying about where their next dollar is coming from. They don't put much thought into balancing their checkbooks, yet they manage to get by just fine. This is largely due to the flexibility Geminians have.

Love and Sex

Fun-loving and always up for an intellectual challenge, the Gemini is a spirited lover. The talk that precedes the interlude is just as important as the actual contact for this sign, and when it comes to wit, this sign holds nothing back. Flirtatious and curious, the Geminian will spend time with a lot of different lovers until they find one that can match their intellect and energy level. The Gemini needs to experience excitement, versatility, and stimulation to feel fully satisfied. Once the perfect match is found, though, the Geminian can settle into a lifestyle for two for the long haul.

GEMINI TIDBITS:

Health
Each sign has a part of the anatomy attached to it, making this the area of the body that is most sensitive to stimulation. The anatomical areas for Gemini are the lungs, collarbone, hands, arms, shoulders, and the nervous system.

Ruling Planet
The ruling planet for Gemini is Mercury. Representing intellectual urge and the avenue of expression, this planet rules reason, rationalization, words, awareness, and communication. Its action is quick, and it deals with travel, speaking, writing, trade, and emotional capacity and technique.

Color
The color of choice for Gemini is green.

Gemstone
Gemini's star stone is the Moss Agate.

Lucky Numbers
Gemini's lucky numbers are 3 and 7.

Compatibility
Geminis are most compatible with Libra and Aquarius.

Opposite Sign
The opposite sign of Gemini is Sagittarius.

The Perfect Gift
A surprise party, gift certificate to a bookstore, any activity with friends, Scrabble or other intellectual game

Likes
Music, magazines, books, music, blogs, chats with nearly anyone, short trips around town

Dislikes
Repetition and routine, being alone, being confined

House
Natural sign of the Third House. This house focuses on short trips, communication, conscious mind, brothers and sisters, and early education.

Famous Geminians
Hugh Laurie, Johnny Depp, Rudy Giuliani, Angelina Jolie, Nicole Kidman, Helena Bonham Carter

Best travel destination
Switzerland, Wales, London, San Francisco, Melbourne

Strength
Curiosity, ability to share ideas, adaptable, affectionate, kind

Weakness
Scattering energy in too many places at once, fickle in love, nervous, short attention span

Charismatic marks
Expressive eyes, quick, bright, often small-boned, refined features

Best environment
Any busy neighborhood, places where people gather to gossip, bookstores, museums

Pisces

2010-09-20T07:22:00.001-07:00

"Understanding" is a most appropriate keyword for this gentle, affectionate sign. Easygoing and generally accepting of others around them, Pisceans are often found in the company of a variety of different personalities. Their willingness to give of themselves emotionally lends to an aura of quiet empathy. A Pisces is comforting to be around. Although not likely to be the leader, this sign's presence is strong and vibrant for any cause into which they put their hearts.

Friends and Family

Gentle Pisceans make some of the best friends there are. In fact, they often put the needs of their friends ahead of their own. Loyal, dedicated, supportive, and compassionate, Pisceans will take on any problem. Big or small, when a challenge arises for family or friends, they will be there in every capacity possible to make things better. Deeply intuitive, Pisceans can often sense when something is askew long before anything is said.

Pisceans are expressive by nature and don't hesitate to let those around them know how they feel. It's not surprising for a Pisces to write a song for someone or to buy a gift that is heartfelt and meaningful. They prefer others to be as open with them as they are. Communication with loved ones is considered most important.

Career and Money

Intuitive and often dreamy, Pisces natives are most comfortable in positions that bring their creative natures into humanitarian causes. Some good careers for this sign are lawyer, architect, veterinarian, musician, social worker, and game designer. The key phrase for this sign is "I believe." It's important for the Pisces to feel strongly about personal endeavors.

Inspired by the need to make a difference in the lives of those they touch, Pisceans are most charitable and will often go way above and beyond the call of duty. Sensitive, deeply compassionate, hardworking, dedicated, and reliable, this is one sign that really knows how to get to the heart of the matter. They can be excellent problem-solvers.

For the most part, Pisceans don't give money too much thought. They are more concerned with their dreams and goals than with money. Yet because this is oftentimes a component to reaching their aspirations, Pisces natives will ensure they have the money they need. They can be of two minds in this area. On one hand, the Pisces will spend, spend, spend with little thought, and on the other hand, they can become quite miserly. Yet in the end, there will always seem to be enough to do what they want in life.

Love and Sex

Deep within the Piscean beats the heart of the die-hard romantic. Loving, tender, and exceptionally giving, this sign cherishes intimacy deeply. They are passionate lovers that need to feel a real connection with their mates. Quick flings and superficial interludes do not do well with the Piscean whatsoever. In relationships, they are fiercely loyal and doting. They love to give gifts and to make the other person feel like a million bucks. Nothing is too good for the Piscean's love interest!

PISCES TIDBITS

Health
Each sign has a part of the anatomy attached to it, making this the area of the body that is most sensitive to stimulation. The anatomical area for Pisces is the feet.

Ruling Planet
The ruling planet for Pisces is Neptune. Considered the planet of intuition, Neptune rules dreams, illusion, music, spirituality, mystery, second sight, intangibles, and the love of poetry.

House
Pisces is the natural sign of the Twelfth House. This house focuses on limitations, hidden strength, frustrations, and the subconscious mind.

Opposite Sign
The opposite sign for Pisces is Virgo.

Compatibility
Pisces is most compatible with Cancer and Scorpio.

Color
The color of choice for Pisces is sea-green.

Gemstone
Pisces's star stone is the Moonstone.

Lucky Numbers
Pisces's lucky numbers are 1, 3, 4, and 9.

The Perfect Gift
Beautiful inspiring colors that make a home more beautiful, a day spent sailing, a romantic starlit dinner, a song or poem from a loved one

Likes
Spiritual themes, time alone, visual media, time to sleep, romance, music, swimming

Dislikes
Absorbing toxic people and situations, cruelty of any kind

Famous Pisceans
Drew Barrymore, Eva Longoria Parker, Queen Latifah, Benicio Del Toro, Bruce Willis, Ron Howard, Elizabeth Taylor

Best travel destination
Scandinavia, Portugal, Jerusalem, Warsaw, Seville

Strength
Intuitive, compassionate, artistic, gentle, wise, musical

Weakness
Can be a victim or martyr, fearful, overly trusting, sad, desire to escape reality

Charismatic marks
Soft, sometimes frail to medium build, face easily shows emotion.

Best environment
On or near water, especially the sea. The movie theater.

Libra- for cheryl!

2010-09-20T07:18:00.001-07:00

Balance is the keyword for this sign, and when it comes to keeping everything on an even keel, a Libra will lead the pack. Peace loving and judicial, this sign abhors being alone. Partnerships are very important for the Libra, especially those on a personal level. With their winning personalities and cooperative style, they aren't apt to be alone for long!

Friends and Family
Fun loving and willing to help out, the Libra makes an excellent friend. Even though they can be late and indecisive, once they're on the scene, they're ready to go. This flexible sign loves to spend time with friends and family and doesn't hesitate to initiate gatherings. Sociable and suave, Librans naturally draw people to them. They have a way of creating a compelling aura of harmony around them. When it comes to challenges, this balancing sign can see both perspectives in a disagreement, making them excellent problem-solvers. Companionable, they're apt to keep their friends and family busy.

Career and Money
Harmony is the keyword for this sign. For the Libra, maintaining this is of the utmost importance. They can be excellent leaders and will work hard to earn and deserve the privilege. Truth and justice always prevail for Librans as they go about their days. Working with others or in a partnership is ideal for this social sign. Artistic and persuasive, these folks are gifted talkers who do well in any position that provides a platform for them to chat.

Careers that involve justice such as police officer, lawyer, or judge are excellent choices for Libra. They will also succeed at such occupations as diplomat, civil servant, interior decorator, composer, and fashion designer. Group settings pose no challenge for Librans - in fact, the more the merrier. Their strong sense of diplomacy serves well in almost anything they do.

If you go shopping with a Libra, best to plan some extra time! This sign can be terribly indecisive when it comes to purchasing. Balancing their money, however, is a snap for Libra. Keeping a good balance between savings and spending money is a real talent for these folks. Their love of fashion and housewares can see them out and about in stores quite often. One of Libra's favorite pastimes is to shop for someone special.

Love and Sex
Finding the right partner will be a priority in the Libra's life. For those already in a relationship, maintaining the peace and harmony takes center stage. A Libra alone is a sad thing indeed, not to mention unnatural. They need to connect with others. As lovers they are expressive, creative, and balanced. They love to make their partners feel completely and thoroughly satisfied from conversation to lovemaking. Librans' charm and dedication to striking the perfect balance with others makes them wonderful partners.

LIBRA TIDBITS

Health
Each sign has a part of the anatomy attached to it, making this the area of the body that is most sensitive to stimulation. The anatomical areas for Libra are the kidneys, lower back, adrenal glands, and appendix.

Ruling Planet
The ruling planet for Libra is Venus. This planet's action is gentle and harmonious. It governs beauty, charm, emotional contacts, possessions, unions of all kinds, singing, art, culture, sweets and sugar, and moral character.

Color
The color of choice for Libra is blue.

Gemstone
Libra's star stone is the sapphire.

Lucky Numbers
Libra's lucky numbers are 1, 2, and 7.

Compatibility
Librans are most compatible with Aquarius and Gemini.

Opposite Sign
The opposite sign for Libra is Aries.

The Perfect Gift
The best gifts for a Libra are music and items that create relaxation.

Likes
Pleasant conversation, beauty, balance, fairness, romance

Dislikes
Being treated unfairly, ugly places, rough people, making a final decision

House
Natural sign of the Seventh House. This house focuses on marriage, partnerships, public relations, open enemies, and other people.

Famous Librans
Will Smith, Gwen Stefani, Matt Damon, Eminem, Sting, Viggo Mortensen

Best travel destinations
Tibet, Japan, Burma, Austria, Johannesburg, Copenhagen, Vienna

Strengths
Social, fair-minded, cooperative, diplomatic, gracious

Weaknesses
Indecisive, will carry a grudge, avoids confrontations, self-pity

Charismatic marks
Attractive, graceful, medium build, no sharp features

Best environment
Any place that is beautiful where the company is harmonious. Very social and happiest doing things in the company of another.

Aquarians

2010-09-20T07:14:00.000-07:00

Aquarians present themselves in one of two ways. On one hand, you’ll see someone who is shy and quiet. On the other, an Aquarian can be boisterous, eccentric, and energetic. Both are deep thinkers with a love of helping others. Highly intellectual, this is a sign of fierce independence that prizes intuition tempered with logic. Both personality types have an uncanny ability to see both sides of an argument without prejudice, making them excellent problem solvers. While very much attuned to the energies around them, Aquarians have a deep need to take time out alone and away to rejuvenate themselves. The keyword for this sign is imagination. The Aquarian can see a world of possibilities even when there appears to be none.

Friends and Family
Even though Aquarians are great with groups of people, it takes a bit of effort when it comes to making close friends. Deeply sensitive and cautious, closeness means vulnerability to an Aquarian, and this is not something to be taken lightly. The Aquarian’s direct, no-nonsense approach in combination with their strong values can make it challenging to get to know the inner person. Yet, those that do discover a friendship that lasts through the years. An Aquarian will go the distance for a loved one to the point of self-sacrifice if necessary. They look for creativity, intellect and honesty in their friends. When it comes to family, the expectations are no less. While dedicated to a sense of duty to relatives, the Aquarian isn’t one for developing close bonds unless the same qualities they expect in their friendships are there.

Career and Money
Aquarians bring an enthusiasm to the work they do, especially when it involves expression. They have an exceptionally high ability to put their imaginative qualities to the task and to think outside the box. Careers that allow for concept development or demonstration can suit this sign well. “I know” is the key phrase for the Aquarian. High intellect, combined with a willingness to share their talents, inspires many who work in the same environment. Natural visionaries, Aquarians love to engage in careers that aim to benefit humankind in the long run.

When it comes to money, this sign really has a knack for keeping a healthy balance between having the things that they need and putting money away. Often while out shopping, the shiny, glittery and extravagant will catch their eye even though their homes are generally decorated with less ostentatious taste. It’s not uncommon to find the Aquarian dressed in brightly colored outfits that dare to turn heads. Most are well attuned to their individual sense of style and aren’t afraid to show it.

Careers that suit the Aquarian are acting, writing, teaching, photography or aircraft piloting. The best work environment is one that gives them the freedom to tackle the task without a lot of strict guidelines. The Aquarian is unconventional, and given the opportunity to show their true talents, they can perform amazing feats.

Love and Sex
For the Aquarian, intellectual stimulation is the greatest aphrodisiac by far. There’s nothing like a lively chat, rich in culture and possibilities for the future, to get this sign going. When it comes to love, people best suited are those that are not thrown off by the Aquarian’s frankness. Open, communicative, imaginative and willing to risk are all qualities that blend well with this sign’s perspective on life. Honesty and sincerity are essential for anyone seeking a long-term connection to this dynamic personality.

TIDBITS

Health
Each sign has a part of the anatomy attached to it, making this the area of the body that is most sensitive to stimulation. The anatomical areas for Aquarius are the ankles and calves.

Ruling Planet
The Ruling Planet for Aquarius is Uranus. This planet is considered the breaker of rules and traditions. Uranus rules psychology, inventions, originality, creative will, rebellion and autonomy. This planet is futuristic, intellectual and even eccentric.

Color
The color of choice for Aquarius is turquoise.

Gemstone
Aquarius’ star stone is the turquoise.

Lucky Numbers
The Aquarian’s lucky numbers are 2, 3, and 7.

Compatibility
Aquarians are most compatible with Gemini, Libra and other Aquarians.

Opposite Sign
The Opposite Sign for Aquarius is Leo.

The Perfect Gift
The best gift for an Aquarian is something mystical or arts related.

Likes
Fun with friends, championing causes, helping others, intellectual conversation

Dislikes
Limitations, being lonely, broken promises, anything ordinary

House
Aquarius is the natural sign of the Eleventh House. This house focuses on friends, goals, hopes and wishes, circumstances beyond control and love received.

you were strong and i was not.

2010-09-14T06:51:00.000-07:00

i think she is 11 only. and so talented and cute and i love her hair!!!
and most importantly, this song is really nicee!!

a thousand times over

2010-09-12T02:25:00.000-07:00

Chin up. Put your shoulders back, walk proud, strut a little. Don’t lick your wounds: celebrate them. The scars you bear are the signs of a competitor. You’re in a lion fight. Just because you didn’t win doesn’t mean you don’t know how to roar.

the holiday is over! :( and i've done. nothing. sigh. promos in two weeks. i'm so so so so going to die. just going to try to do what i can for the remaining 2 weeks? hopefully i can promote/advance. i really really have to start working!!! i can do it!!! jiayou jiayou jiayou!!!!
Goodluck to everyone out there having promos!!! i swear after promos i'm going to like rest my heart out. byeeeebyeeee!!! gotta go mug like a muggeridian. honestly, i'm not living up to my name as a muggeridian, its so not righhtttt.
i must
1)mug
2)mugg
3)muggg
byeee!!

make some wishes out of airplanes

2010-09-07T06:16:00.000-07:00

Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, Every story we’re told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we’re so focused on finding our happy ending we don’t learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don’t, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn’t include a guy, maybe… it’s you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is… just… moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope.
GiGi (Film; He’s Just Not That Into You)

ohmygod! this is totally what i feel. expressed so perfectly.

if love was easy, it wouldnt be love

2010-09-06T08:27:00.000-07:00

i can't wait for gossip girl to start!!!!!!!

you can't save the damsel who loves her distress

2010-09-06T08:23:00.000-07:00

i really like this tattoo! did i speel tattoo right? i think i did not. but who cares! maybe i might just tat it on my skin one day. get it?! like tat the tattoo! hahaahhah!!! i'm so funnyyy!!!! yay!

miss you

2010-09-01T07:41:00.000-07:00

because you never asked me to stay

2010-08-28T09:29:00.000-07:00

When you’re lost in those woods, it sometimes takes you a while to realize that you are lost. For the longest time, you can convince yourself that you’ve wandered a few feet off the path, that you’ll find your way back to the trailhead any moment now. Then night falls again and again, and you still have no idea where you are, and it's time to admit that you have bewildered yourself so far off the path that you don’t even know from which direction the sun rises anymore.

live till you've nothing left to lose

2010-08-25T07:55:00.000-07:00

i'm really really tired. i swear i have homework up till my neck and i just cant study knowing i've so much homework and knowing that i've a test i've yet to study for in 2 days time, and knowing promos is in a month time.
i feel suffocated, so tired and i just keep sleeping and when i studies it doesnt get into my head and i'm so exasperated and fustrated i just hates having to do fucking homework, eom and study for stupid promos and all that shit. i dont get it why it has to be like that or why am i like that. and god knows what the hell i'm doing here ranting when well, i should be doing fucking eom which i swear is never ending. i probably will never ever meet expectations and then die of the horrors of not getting promoted and not getting an a for pw. i hate my life.

I think I’ll be a clown when I get grown,” said Dill. “Yes, sir, a clown…. There ain’t one thing in this world I can do about folks except laugh, so I’m gonna join the circus and laugh my head off.”
“You got it backwards, Dill,” said Jem. “Clowns are sad, it’s folks that laugh at them.”
“Well, I’m gonna be a new kind of clown. I’m gonna stand in the middle of the ring and laugh at the folks.
To Kill A Mockingbird, Harper Lee.

you're the best thing that has ever been mine

2010-08-23T06:41:00.000-07:00

To love. To be loved.
To never forget your own insignificance.
To never get used to the unspeakable violence and the vulgar disparity of life around you.
To seek joy in the saddest places.
To pursue beauty to its lair.
To never simplify what is complicated or complicate what is simple.
To respect strength, never power.
Above all, to watch. To try and understand.
To never look away.
And never, never, to forget.

beautiful soul

2010-08-22T08:22:00.000-07:00

Hello,
i've been wasting time since i've got home yesterday after dinner till nowww, doing nothingg but slacking and sleeping and eating and i think i'm rather irritated with myself. nevertheless i think i neeeddd a tweeny weeeny break. okay, maybe i dont deserve it and i've so much hw to complete anddd i'm going to die trying to finish them and doing pw stuff and studying the the econs test coming up and promos.
i've frequently encouraged myself and said that i can do it, i can study hard and all that shit but obviously it didnt work out. i think i need to figure out my problem and probably try to solve it before promos or smth. i'm starting to doubt if i can actually promote. i think scraping past is still possible but i wonder if thats what i want. i mean its all about doing well for a levels. what if i cant cope for j2 stuff because i insisted on promoting when i'm not actually read to take on what is coming up for me. i know it sounds like i'm being rather pessimistic but i'm being realistic. but i think i will continue working on working hard. hahahah that sounds funny. i was proud of myself cause i did like practice questions for tuition cause i promised my tuition teacher that i will do more questions. though it was only like 16 qns? and 5 that i can't do at all. but i did something. my tuition teacher is the kind of ppl i rarely meet. those optimistic kind, like super optimistic. i'm pessimistic and i kind of hate optimistic ppl causee like they're not beinggg realistic anddd all that? but i think he has been infuencing me in belieiving in myself that i could make it. just like my teachers in tkgs who constantly told us that we can do it and be there for us and everything. mjc lacks that kind of teachers and its so sad cause life is harder and tougher and you've no one there to spur you on and encourage you and tell you that you'll be fine at the end. But i've learnt from an inspiring movie i seen recently: 3 idiots. you've to go watch it, its amazing!!! the guy there says, our hearts scare easily, so you need to constantly tell it, all is well. so even when things go wrong, you can at least have the courage to face it and try. he is really strong and positive, someone i strive to be like. i wonder what my life will be 5 years, 10 years, 15 years from now. i wish that i can be happy and i wish that i can have a wonderful job, have my close friends with me, have my family there to support me and well, maybe find the one. but i've to go through the hard parts first before i get to the happy parts and finally the happpy ending. i should stop thinking about now, stop trying to cram everything and rush everything out, but rather work it out and understand it and make full use of the time i have left. i should not be hard on myself whenever i need a break. i believe i can keep a balance between study and play. its promos and i've to make it or else how can i even dream about ace-ing a levels. well, i guess i've to end with i can do it. again. hahahaha. its so ironic, its like i'm debating with myself. welll, i better start reading econs and lit andddd do math and start studying phyics.
till the next time i ranttt, byeeee!

To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe.
Anatole France

so lucky, so strong, so proud

2010-08-15T00:18:00.000-07:00

i wonder why i feel lost so often, and why i feel okay after a few days and then i'm back to feeling lost.
i havent been making full use of the weekend and friday but i did what i could. i've to quickly send the wr and do whatever econs stuff and study for physics quiz. there is so many physics quizzes recently. sometimes i feel like i'm in a bottle, those beer kind, with the really thin long necks. when i'm so sick and tired and i want to get out, i've to squeeze and squeeze through that thin column to try to get out. but when i finally got out, i realise being out was not good as i expect it to be, and then i wish to return, to that bottle, to that hole. well, i dont know what i want actually, but someone told me that when you dont know what you're doing and what you want, just do whatever you're supposed to do and you'll get to somewhere eventually.
i promise to work hard for promos, after that i need to escape. i will have to go somewhere or experience something new. till then, i shall just do my work.

What hurts the most was being so close and having so much to say and watching you walk away. And never knowing what could’ve been and not saying that loving you is what I was trying to do.
Rascal Flatts “What Hurts The Most”

one door closes and another one opens.

2010-08-03T06:39:00.000-07:00

Do you know what hurts the most about a broken heart? Not being able to remember how you felt before.
Cassie Ainsworth, Skins

i remember reading from somewhere that, you only live life once, but the way i'm living it, once is enough. i think its like my 2.4. like i dont bother trying to pass, so i've to keep running and running and running. but why do i've to run like repeatedly if i'm going to fail anyway? i think to look at this positvely, the teachers just want to push me to reach my best, or to aim for what is seemingly impossible. i think i need to change my mindset. mummy told me once that i'm too negative. amelia says that i dont believe in myself enough. i cant remember when was the last time i believed in myself, believed that i can do it, than i can make it. well, i do occassionally but i probably dont really really believe so deep down inside me. i think i've to change my mindset. and maybe learn more about myself along the way. hmmmmm, self discoveryy??
well, i've to go study soon. i think i'm studying too little. its bad. sigh.

i'm going to be me

2010-07-31T23:10:00.001-07:00

hey, i'm feeling better now. i've so much stuff to do i think i can drown in them and i better get started soon. i can't believe i've math and physics test tmr and i'm really really unprepared. but i believe i will try my best and hopefully, it goes okay.
i can't wait for national day holidays and all that, i could really use a break.
i miss cheryl, and hope we can meet soonn!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i'm going to study hard and just work my ass off for the remaining time that i have.
i'm going to believe in myself and dont ever think that i can't do it.
i'm going to promote, and not let mummmy worry about me.
i'm going to be happier, than now, than you, than i've ever been.
i can do it.

2010-07-30T09:58:00.000-07:00

It’s not that he was ashamed, or even that he thought he was doing something wrong, because he knew that what he was doing was right, more right than anything he saw anyone do, and he knew that doing right often means feeling wrong, and if you find yourself feeling wrong, you’re probably doing right. But he also knew that there is an inflationary aspect to love, and that should his mother, or Rose, or any of those who loved him find out about each other, they would not be able to help but feel of lesser value. He knew that I love you also means I love you more than anyone loves you, or has loved you, or will love you, and also, I love you in a way that no one loves you, or has loved you, or will love, and also, I love you in a way that I love no one else, and never have loved anyone else, and never will love anyone else. He knew that it is, by love’s definition, impossible to love two people.

Everything is Illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer

where is the love

2010-07-30T09:50:00.000-07:00

Hello, today is a horrible day. i hate/love gossips. sometimes you find out about things you never knew, and then you get sad, disappointed, confused. i've always though i could trust the peopple i trust, that i know them, and that they know me. but why do people do things that hurt others, purposely? i dont get that. i dont remember a time where i hurt someone intentionally. like even if u hurt someone, it wasnt on purpose. i just dont get why living is so hard, like what ode says, school is war. mj is srsly like a battelfield. i think i actually hate this school, and its only redeeming quality is the friends i've there.
i dont get it why i have so many problems, like the workload and studies are already enough to suffocate me, but i've to worry and think about such stuff.
i think its me,my fault. i shouldnt care anymore, like why bother trying to be nice when people dont care. i'm fucking tired. like srsly, i think all i will do now is study. dont think, i must stop thinking, cause the more you think, the larger the problem seems to be and the sadder you get.
life is horrible.

if you could hear me, i would say our finger prints don't fade from the lives we touched

what has happened to lulu,mother. what has happened to lu

2010-07-24T00:18:00.001-07:00

Hello,
there is something wrong with me.
no, everything about me is wrong.
why do i feel like i'm losing my grip, losing my hold on my life. my own life.
i can't wake up whenever i fall asleep. i think its my way of escaping from reality. and when i wake up, everything seems to be a blur, a rush.
i've lost control.
why does everything have to be so hard,
or why can't i be stronger?
my promos is coming so soon, i feel death looming over my head practically every min of my life.
yet, i cant gather enough strength to fight on.
what has happened to me

future love

2010-07-20T09:07:00.001-07:00

I'm going to be like her one day. proud of myself, to be enough.

You block your dream when you allow your fear to grow bigger than your faith.

you know i could really use somebody

2010-07-19T05:31:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling really tired today. i think the heat really got me. i'm having a headache and i'm really tired mentally.
shi came today and it was fun i guess, if u minus the heat. hahhahahha. she is kinda like a tourist. it makes me wish she was here in mj too, wish cheryl, ju, amanda, carina emm and adeline is here too. that would be nice wouldnt it.
why do i feel like there is something lacking in my life recently. i think i'm getting confused, again. and i need to catch up with my studies really really soon. whats wrong with me. why am i sucha screw up. i'm a sad case. sigh.

maybe temporarily, maybe at a wrong time, maybe too late, maybe forever

countless lovers

2010-07-18T05:21:00.000-07:00

this is seoul tower locks of love. you write the name of the person you love and your name and probably a message or smth. then, you lock it up and throw away the key.
i think its really sweet.

someone like me, someone like you, somebody

2010-07-17T07:34:00.000-07:00

i think she sang this song beautifully.
its so cool isnt it, to be able to sing like this, such that when people hear them, they could feel the emotions behind the lyrics and the song. and writers too, they could write and describe how you feel perfectly. and actors, for acting out the emotions and everything the script wants to tell, show to the audience.

anyway, i've decided to audition. no point in not trying. i should at least just try and even if i embarass myself, too bad. i'm not a singer. but at least i tried.
life is so hard nowadays. everyone is expecting something from you, wanting a piece, a part of you. sometimes when you're stretched too thin, i wonder what happens. like you read reports of people commiting suicide, its so sad, like how can they just give up and leave behind everything and everyone they love. but i guess i can understand how they feel, living a life without hope, faith and belief in themselves. but it takes courage doesnt it. to just let it all go, give it all up. but i guess it takes less courage and effort as compared to continue to live.

And promos is going to come in about 2 months time. so little time, and god knows what i;m doing with my life. i think i'm going to stop using the com soon. got to give promos a good shot. i was thinking back how i was like in primary school, sharon agreed that i've changed. i was more daring i guess, almost fearless, impulsive, always jumping into things without thinking. now, i think i lost my muchness. lost the courage, the fight. is it because things are getting harder or i've become weaker. i think i'm tired. but i need to see this through. no other way out. sigh. i guess i dont need wishes. i need strength, courage and faith. i hope i pull through. sigh.

And cheryl, we can do it. i believe in you, in myself. we've no other choice but to do well and make it. but we've each other, no matter what. and maybe one day, we can realise our dreams and look back feeling so proud of ourselves for making it. i love you and we must be stronger and we must must must try our best! we can do it!

choose happiness

2010-07-15T07:51:00.000-07:00

If ever there is tomorrow when we’re not together, there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart, I’ll always be with you.

every now and then i fall apart

2010-07-14T06:06:00.000-07:00

Hello, today i went for paradigma at ajc and we had to wear the blazer and court shoes and everything and i swear, heels make me go crazy. i cant walk in them. like i was always walking the slowest and the rest would be like waiting for me. i'm like the world's most lousy heels walker. hahahah!! The talk was rather inspirational, i think their research paper were really good, with little faults, and though it was slightly boring, i especially enjoyed the talk by one of the panelist who was srsly so witty and humorous, and what he said was true. we cant just wait for national identity to evolve, we just cant wait for the government to help us develop it. we should do it ourself. start by doing something small and even though it doesnt affect the community on a large scale, if everyone make a small effort, singapore would be a wonderful place to live in! But the problem is we're srsly too pragmatic. i dont deny being pragmatic, like everything you do, you must reap benefits from it, you must get something in return. and the fact that we've the heck care attitude towards everything except those that matters to us make things worse. i'm worried about international friendship day, like what can i do to make a difference in mj, how can i let everyone see the importance of the friendship and bond between different races.
i can have thousands ideas in my mind, but can i make it come true at the end of the day. sigh i srsly dont know.
and today is kind of like a bad day. like although they say ppl on the average usually get 3 U. but it doesnt seems so. like there are so many people doing well, and i just dont know what have i been doing to improve and to make sure i pass my promos and promote. i dont know what i need, a wake up call or someone there to moivate me constantly? life is confusing like that. you never know what you want. till its too late.
sigh. i think i'm getting emo. i should start on my math tutorial. byeeee

every now and then i fall apart

2010-07-11T05:05:00.000-07:00

(Turn around) every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you're never coming round
(Turn around) every now and then I get a little bit tired of listening to the sound of my tears
(Turn around) every now and then I get a little bit nervous that the best of all the years have gone by
(Turn around) every now and then I get a little bit terrified and then I see the look in your eyes

(Turn around, bright eyes) Every now and then I fall apart
(Turn around, bright eyes) Every now and then I fall apart

And I need you now tonight and I need you more than ever
And if you only hold me tight We'll be holding on forever
And we'll only be making it right 'cause we'll never be wrong
Together we can take it to the end of the line
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time (all of the time)
I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark
We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks
I really need you tonight, forever's gonna start tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight

Once upon a time I was falling in love, but now I'm only falling apart
There's nothing I can do... a total eclipse of the heart
Once upon a time there was light in my life, but now there's only love in the dark
Nothing I can say... a total eclipse of the heart

This is my favourite Glee song now.
life is getting really tired nowadays. i've so many choices to make i'm starting to think that my whole life is full of opp cost-regret. hahahahah!
anyway, gottaa go do hw.
byeee

she is got to love nobody

2010-07-07T06:27:00.000-07:00

i feel overwhelmed by exams and homeworks. but srsly, i practically have no homework and i dont freaking know why i cant bring myself to do just that pathetic amount of homework. econs and everything is like bringing me down. like srsly, you study you get u, you dont study you also get u. i know i didnt study like half of my hoidays but holidays are like meant for me to relax and rest and not mug like freaking the whole holidays away. it takes so much effort to do okay in a jc and maybe i'm starting to hesitate if i'm ready and willing to put in all i can do do better.

they say when life gives u lemons make lemonade.
i say when life gives you lemons say well, thats not what i ask for but i guess i'm going to have to bite my tongue and swallow sour lemmon juice.
okay. i dont make sense. i've like freaking eom to do and all i want to do now is go star gazing.

baby when its love, if it ain't rough it isnt fun

2010-07-04T07:30:00.000-07:00

hello!
mid years is over and the fear is starting to sink in. why is it that i never do well for exams? like srsly, i've never remembered being happy over my results. and its useless to say i will work hard for the next test cause i never ever do that. maybe i will change soon. i;m not going to say, yes i will like try my best and score for promos or smth cause i'll probably just bail out at the end of the day.
anyway, studying for mid years was hell. physics was like hell xinfinity. surprisingly, studying for lit was quite fun. but tess of the d'urbervilles is srsly the most depressing novel i ever read. like srsly i cried the most reading tess. its really heartbreaking, especially when tess is tortured by fate and her circumstances and the fact that the book doesnt have a happy ending and that tess has to bear everything when she is not the one at fault. its so full of unfairness, unhappiness and hopelessness. sigh. and the tv series for tess is so heartbreaking too! like if u want to see u must see the 08 version. tess is really pretty in the version, shes the princess in prince of persia.
anyway,back to my life. i've been enjoying life after promos. watching shows, reading and shopping and everything. its time to go back to reality. i think i'm not going to use the com much now. its too distracting and pointless. and i'm going to just see how my results go. hopefully i do better than i expect since i expect the worse! ahhahaa. esp math and lit.
anyway, i've been really hooked up with glee soundtrack!!! go hear!!!! my favourite ones!!!

all these are my fave!! but now i love poker face the most, and dont stop believing, but mercy is so perfect and bust a move is just so cool! i can't pick a favourite!

i believe in destiny

2010-06-20T06:57:00.000-07:00

OMG I LOVE THIS SONGG!
I WATCHED THIS NEW DISNEY MOVIE- STARSTRUCK AND IT WAS REALLY NICE!
LIKE A CLICHE NICE MOVIE AND THIS SONG GOT STUCK IN MY HEAD. I LOVE IT! GO HEAR!

okay, so i havent been studying and i think i'm kind of over studying alrdy. i think i'm like srsly going to do so badly for midyears. and to think i'm from arts. like arts student are not allowed to get all u cause its supposedly easier? sigh i dont know. i think i will just worry about that later. i had much fun and rest this holiday. i wish i could read more and i found a new author i like, jill mansell, she write nice books! and yesterday i was just reading another book about like two bestfriends. the ending was sad, but not like very sad cause she didnt like just say one of the girl died, like she disappeared and the other girl is like waiting for her best friend to come back. its sigh. really sad la. but on the bright side, i've my whole life ahead of me, i've awesome friends and a almost awesome life. i can make it! i must be positive!
till the next time i blog, stay happy!!!!! hear this song!!!

when you've everything, sometimes it feels like nothing

2010-06-12T11:52:00.000-07:00

I'll be back after mid years.
i've wasted too much time.
i've got not much time left and i want to make full use of it.
facebook is awesome but i think i'm screwing up my life because of it.
i dont study, i read sleep eat facebook and watch dramas.
i should stop doing that because i'm not just me. i've mummy and daddy to think of.
i can't afford to screw mid years up.
but even if i do, i must at least have tried my best.
i've two weeks left, not much time but enough.
i believe i can do it.
Whoever is reading this- my friends! believe that too! cause i believe in you! and you must believe in yourself.
so goodbye facebook.
i'll just come online for important stuff. try to stay away from facebook and distractions.
i can do it. two weeks is all i've got.
i can do it!

the pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple.
oscar wilde

when a heart breaks; no it don't break even

2010-06-10T07:50:00.000-07:00

Hello!
my holiday is ending and i've so many work to do i'm so dead and so going to fail my mye!
I've to work hard!
I'll work hard and make sure i do my best!
Till then! i will enjoy my holidays catching up with the people i lovvveeee!!!!
i'm happy todayyy!!!
Byeee!!

You know that place between sleep and awake?
The place you can remember dreaming.
That's where i'll always love you.
That's where i'll be waiting.

we'll be a dream

2010-06-05T10:10:00.000-07:00

Do you remember the nights we,
made our way dreaming
hoping of being of someone big
we were so young then
we were too crazy in love

I'm afraid.
of change, of tomorrow.
what if we grew apart, forget what we shared,
had someone else, lose each other.

What would you wish for if you had one chance?

2010-05-22T23:38:00.000-07:00

Can we pretend that airplanes
In the night sky
Are like shooting stars
I could really use a wish right now (wish right now, wish right now)
Can we pretend that airplanes
In the night sky
Are like shooting stars
I could really use a wish right now
(wish right now, wish right now)

I could use a dream or a genie or a wish
To go back to a place much simpler than this
Cause after all the partying
The smashing and crashing
And all the glitz and the glam and fashion
And after all the pandemonium and all the madness
There comes a time when you fade into the blackness
When you're staring at the phone in your lap
And hope that the people never call you back
But that's just how the story unfolds
You get another hand
As soon as you fold
If your plans unravel in the sand
What would you wish for if you had one chance?
So airplanes airplanes
Sorry I'm late
I'm on my way
So don't close that gate
If I don't make that
Than I'm gonna switch my flight
And I'll be right back at it
By the end of the night

i think she sang so well! i love this version. Go hear!!!!

Will you heart still race for me?

2010-05-18T04:16:00.000-07:00

Hello to whoever is reading my blog!
i've just watched gossip girl season finale.
to say the least, it was sad heart-breaking, thought provoking and disappointing, not because it was lousy. but because it wasnt a happy ending.
i think i'm too idealistic. i hate to wish for a happy ending and the worse is i do not get it. but how many happy endings are there in the world. i remember reading a quote that says "it takes a life time to get to- and they lived happily ever after".
its not that i want to stop believing. its the disapointment and the loss i feel when i'm thrown back into reality.
sometimes i wish i'm not me.
yesterday i was very very very lost and i got over it. nothing is worth while. the whole world is not going to stop just because i'm sad, just because i want to live in the past. sometimes it seems like the future is not a gift. i wouldnt say its a curse but i think i fear it. But i've got to move on. i've got to remember what my goals are at the end of the day. i must stay focused. i can do it. i believe in myself!
i'm not going to use the itouch anymore. its distracting. facebook is a curse. i've better things to do. i'm going to at least pass everything for mid years. i'm going to work hard. because i believe in myself. and nobody is going to stop me from what i want.
i need to believe that! yes i can. i can make it. i'm not going to regret. not going to regret when i see myself failing every single shit.

well, to my dear dear friends. i miss you guys so much. so much i cant describe it to you guys. things were so much better then. we were happier werent we. but life sucks, and the most sucky thing is we've to go through it. so lets do it tgt. we can get through this! i will support you guys anddddd be there for all of you forever. i love you, more than i can say. i love you all!!!!!!

Oh

2010-05-09T05:33:00.000-07:00

I haven't been studying like at all!! i'm so dead. i've to stop fb-ing. my plan is to not fb for the rest of next week. i can do it!!!!!!! fb is srsly killing me i tell you. i must set my priorities straight now!
from today, i can only,
study
do hw
sms cheryl
and sleep.

hahahahh!!!! thats funny. but srsly. i can only study study study. i must freaking study for god sake. till the next time i come here. i hope i'm actually STUDYING.

AND CHERYL TAN. I LOVE YOU. HAHAHHAHAH U R THE ONLY ONE I LOVE, THE ANSWER TO MY LOVE DUET. THE MOON OF MY UNIVERSE, THE OTHER PART OF MY HEART. LOL!

i wish you love

2010-05-03T02:57:00.001-07:00

Hello. It has been awhile since i'm here.
I think i'm getting used to mj, getting used to being away from my besties although my heart still misses them everytime i'm reminded of how things used to be.
Watching the latest episode of gossip girl taught me smth. well, gg dont just teach you nonsense okay. Blair and Chuck broke up and yaddah yaddah yaddah. She want to make him jealous by kissing another guy, but she didnt. Instead she realise that by kissing someone else doesnt change the fact that she still loves Chuck. She faced the truth. Which makes her so strong and beautiful at that scene. how she told Chuck, "one day i'm going to kiss someone. and when i do that, i do it for myself.". shes so strong, so brave, so right.
i wish i can be like her sometimes. step back, take a look at myself, what i'm doing, how i'm living my life. i think my life sucks now. but so what? its no big deal as compared to so many others out there. i'm so lucky, my parents are the best. even when daddy hurt his arm and he couldnt fetch me home, he told me sorry. gosh, i felt so so so touched. my parents are the most selfless people on earth. always putting us before themselves, sometimes i feel like i could never love them as much as they love me.
i'm so lucky. so what if i'm not the smartest prettiest girl. i've more than that. i've my parents love and their belief in me. with them, and all my friends beside me, i can do anything i set my heart to.
To everyone who loves me and have been there for me and is currently lost and tired of life,
Never Give Up. Cause you have me! and everyone else behind you!

okay, after such an inspiring post, i have to fall back to reality.
have PI to rushed. YES I CAN DO IT. I WILL FINISH YOU YOU IDIOT PI. MUHAHAHAHA

For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone.

I’d do it again. I choose you, every time

2010-04-21T07:23:00.000-07:00

i'm suddenly really sad. i feel like texting cheryl, but sigh. i dont know. i think i'm really tired. i don't know. everything is just so not right.
i suddenly feel like getting out there and experiencing things i've never ever done before.
i need to get away. learn, live.
i think i'm going to try out for the reach cambodia thing. do smth for someone, maybe acheive smth or make a difference.
maybe i'll be more mature and happier then.
till then, hopefully i'll be happy. soon.

Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail.

so close to reaching that famous happy ending

2010-04-06T07:34:00.001-07:00

So close, so close and still so far

we're all alices in our wonderlands

2010-03-17T09:46:00.000-07:00

I think i've lost my muchness over the years

Life is like riding a bicycle

2010-03-16T09:41:00.000-07:00

"If death meant just leaving the stage long enough
to change costume and come back as a new character…
Would you slow down? Or speed up?"

Chuck Palahniuk

i found this quote rather interesting and
i'm suffering a mental block now which is very awful cause i'vee to hand in my economics essay in about 11 hours timeee. i should have started earlier.
And i can't do it tmr morning cause i'm meeting cheryl.
HATE MY LIFE.
HATE HOLIDAY HOMEWORK.
HATE ONE WEEK HOLIDAYS FILLED WITH HOMEWORK.

in order to keep your balance, you must keep moving

when i was younger i used to be wild

2010-03-10T06:24:00.000-08:00

"For most of us, dreams come true only after they do not matter, Only in childhood do we ever have the chance of making dreams come true when they mean everything. And when childhood dies, its corpses are called adults and they enter society, one of the polite names of hell. That is why we dread children, even if we love them, they show us the state of our decay."

Edna St. Vincent Millay

This is how i feel. In mj. like i'm not a corpse yet, but i know i'm dying.
But i thank god for giving me so many things that make me continue going on with my life.
Amelia, my new friend i made in mj, who is the perfect nice sweet girl but still with some spice. i'll probably have quit mj if i havent met her.
Zhi Qian and Ode who still talk to me and like we still talk and share our feelings to each other. which is also one of the reasons why mj life is more bearable.
Sharon, who is there for me. and the fact that we still are like friends for so long is amazing. life would suck without you.
Shi, everything feels the same even after we are in different schools. i miss talking to you so much shi. sigh. i wish i could meet with u more often.
Everyone in the clique, i miss you guys so much. Tk is awesome cause i met all of you guys there and now, it seems like we're all scattered around. sigh
And lastly, but most importantly, CHERYL TAN. i miss you the most, although we met up so many times alrdy. its so sad that we're in different schools. i wish i had tried tj. life is just so sad for me now. i used to think u need me more than i need you, but i realise i was wrong. i need you more than u need me. more than i need any friend. hopefully, we'll ace a levles and go to the same uni tgt. i miss you so much. sigh. i hope we will never ever drift apart.

Now, i'm not even sure mj was what i wanted. i'm tired. of school of everything. i wish i was younger.then maybe i wouldnt be so unhappy and negative.

his acts being seven ages

2010-02-08T06:35:00.000-08:00

"Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant filled with odd little waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don’t always like."

That kind of sums up my day.
i'm exhausted and i haven't even start studying/revising. i dont know what the shit i've been doing. okay. i'll make it up during breaks tmr.
i'm dead tired and fb just repeatedly fail to upload my photos.
i want to give up but i'm stronger than that i know.
i liveeee for fridays and weekends. cny come soon!
i miss tk. i wish i was back in the ugly building wearing green pinafore. i wouldnt complian, not with the ones i love most right beside me.

i miss you guys the most ): and everytime i think about all of you, i feel like crying ):

The purest magic is in the heart

2010-02-01T06:07:00.000-08:00

"The truth is hard.
The truth is awkward and very often the truth hurts.
I mean, people think they want the truth.
But do they really?
The truth is painful.
Deep down, nobody wants to hear it, especially when it hits close to home.
Sometimes we tell the truth because the truth is all we have to give.
Sometimes we tell the truth because we need to say it out loud to hear it for ourselves.
And sometimes we tell the truth because we just can’t help ourselves.
Sometimes, we tell them because we owe them at least that much."

shi, i read this and i think you should know what i'm trying to say. believe just for one more time okay!

oh honey, you ain't see nothing yet

2010-02-01T05:34:00.000-08:00

HELLLOOOOOOO!

MJ BOLEH AAAa MJ BOLEH AAAall the rest can go fly kite!

today is class orientation and you can say i'm absolutely in loveee with Callisto 1, in short C1.
We bonded easily and everyone is super nice and cool! like we go around the school shouting C1 and cheered each other whenever we're playing games and all that. somehow, it seems like no matter if we fail or win, its no big deal cause we know the whole C1 is right behind us. OMG THE CLASS SPIRITTT. i've missed class spirit. made many new friendsss. and i'm not very good with names but i'm still trying to rememeber eevrybody namesss! and our class have like guys, that are well i would say gentlemen, unlike the bunch of idiots we met today. gosh they make me so mad. and well, i guessed we showed them enough girl power and that girls can kick some butts okay. although i think i would prefer to kick where it hurt most.
But still, C1 is great, awesome, wonderful so far! i'm more sure about my choice of being in mj and i'm ever more determined to excel in mj! I CAN DO ITTTTT!
okay. tmr will be really really fun! i'm resting early tonight!
MOVE IT CALLISTO!!!!!

Russian Roulette

2010-01-28T06:45:00.000-08:00

Met jia yi and sharon and we took bus to school today. the bus is so cramped and like the roads are so jammed and the bus is soooo slow! i have this bad feeling that i'll be like late. so i think i should just wake up early and like have breakfast there or study there. hahah. i know i sound like a nerd right. thats my aim No 2! my aim No 1 is to just not retain. aim No 2 is to be a nerd. but like if i dont want to retain i should be like a nerd first? hahah. okay. anyway, i'm thinking of joining drama club but like i feel i'm not that cut out for it. cause like i'm probably slightly dramatic and just a tweeny bit bimbotic, but like it does not mean i can actually act in front of an audience or during auditions. maybe i should join like something else instead...
anyway, as i was sitting in the bus today i felt so sad as i was smsing shi. i can't believe i was glad of leaving tk. like its the only place i want to be in. i miss like being with shi and ju and cheryl and amanda and carina and emmm. ): i miss zing tooooo! i actually love to hug you! like i dont exactly love hugs but i love hugging you.
nevertheless, i'm in mj now. i cant be a coward and like just keep to myself. BE SPONTANEOUS! make friends, bond! i can do it. & i hope i dont blush! like i suddenly keep getting red neck and ears?! and like i must talk to whoever i sit beside tmr. i talked to this girl called josie from st nics. shes nice and like mature type. i must be like her. mature, not bimbo. yes. no screaming and jumping excitedly and like talking like a bimbo. i can do it!
okay, wish me luck! i need it alot tmr.

confession

2010-01-26T07:01:00.000-08:00

On monday, i
walked from downtown east to white sands with sharon and aborted our plan to go to wild wild wet.
we
were wearing fbts and class t shirts and i felt like sleeping.
had lunch at swensens and talked and i drank so much water i'm amazed!
walked and walked for delicious watermelon balls but it was closed ):
so we took loop bus rides all over tampines and talked and talked.
enjoyed good toast tgt and had very tired+aching feet at the end of the day.
we should take bus rides more often sharon! long long loop ones!
& i love spending time with you! its always fun, comfortable and utterly amazing(awwww!)

Today, i
met renice and we took a long train ride form eunos to jurong east.
we
talked and ate macs and gossiped and talked and bought tickets to sci centre and snow city.
witnessed 'forever'
took pictures with a super muscular man! and look bodyless due to some eye tricks.
expeerienced lots of futuristic stuff which make us ponder on whether technology really makes things less enjoyable.
witnessed man made lightning which was so defeaning.
enjoyed ourselves most at the sounds hall where we saw cute 'dancing' metal stuff which danced to the different beats of the music.
bought mood cards which can acutally tell us if we're in love & if the guy is the right one. (GASPS!)
fell down at snow city and laughed while we slide down in rubber tyres.
throw ice over our heads and pretend like it was snowing and
were awed by the fact that there was misty air whenever we talked.
stood throughout the long train ride back and
i'm a little sad to know that it will probably be a long time before we meet up and talk. i love you so much renice! i hope your chuck will appear and he can make you happy cause thats what you deserve. love you forever.

Tomorrow,
i'll finally know if i get into mj and pray that i do. and enjoy myself for like the last time .
i'm getting very nervous about orientation day and like everything but thats if i get into mj.
i should sleep now. yes. dont worry so much jocee!!! you will get in!

who knows? maybe one day we'll be perfect for each other.

dangerous

2010-01-22T08:11:00.000-08:00

I had my first facial today and i can tell you its sooo painful i teared after it was done. like that kind of in pain tears or smth? But i'm hoping my skin will be better tmr and like for as long as it can last.
School is starting next week and i've yet to get my bag and shoes and everything! i'm so excited and everything, but i can get into mj right. like i should be in. i must be in. if not i'll just faint or smth.
i'm like super high now i don't exactly know why!!! okay. monday i'm eating steamboat with sharon and zing i'm sooooo excitedddd!!!! and tues snow city and sci centre with renice! yayyy! i miss her so much. plusss we will have to catch up soon or after school starts we'll be busy like hell. and wed with the 10 of us. i want to sing chinese new year song with amanda! like everytime i hear chinese new year songs on the radio i will think of the times where we would sing in class.like when its national day we'll sing national day songs.
i've so little time left to do what i want but i guess i've to make use of whatever i have. anyway, i'm meeting cheryl tmr. she better buy smth from thailand for meeeee or i will call her chou bu la ji xiang gu tou! hahahah.
byeeeeee!